Three Months Alive
by AliyahNCIS
Summary: Unexpected news throws Ziva and the whole team for a loop, but it may also give Tony a chance to prove something. PART 3 of Remnants of Somalia series, sequel to Two Weeks Later.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Hey guys! Thanks so much for you patience - we're back! The reason I waited so long to post was because I wanted to, for once, have most of the story written before I put it up so y'all wouldn't have to wait so long for updates :) Also, this is a birthday present for __**ladybugsmomma**__ who has been one of my most faithful reviewers on every one of my stories. Happy Birthday hun! Okay everybody, this is what you've all been waiting for - welcome to Three Months Alive._

_PS. It's been a month since TWL (Ziva has been home almost 3 months now), so if things seem to have progressed, that's why. Also, I've messed with canon to make events fit into my stories, I hope that doesn't bother anyone too much. Thanks!_

Just as suddenly as she started sleeping at Tony's place, Ziva stopped. Tuesday night Tony got up and she wasn't there. It was clear nothing had been touched. For a second his heart dropped and he grabbed his phone to text her, but if Ziva actually was sleeping at her own place, Tony couldn't bear to interrupt. That same week she accepted his suggestion of a movie night and over the next couple weeks, a tradition emerged.

Tuesday nights they would go out to eat after work. On Thursday, Movie Night would happen at one of their apartments, alternating every other week. At least once a month, on Fridays, Abby would insist on a team outing. But as Gibbs continued to refuse to be social, Ducky politely turned down the offers and Palmer cited studying for midterms and exams as an excuse, it was only ever just the four of them.

Tony often watched McGee and Abby with interest, noting their closeness and the love growing in their eyes for one another. He wondered when Probie would see what he had and finally put a ring on Abby's finger to make it official. Sometimes, if she was otherwise occupied, Tony would look at Ziva's bare hand and dream.

Weekends belonged to Tony and Ziva as well. Saturday afternoons were for board and card games because Ziva studied for her citizenship test in the mornings, and after that he would usually stay for supper. With Ziva as his teacher, Tony's cooking skills expanded tremendously from his few patented Italian recipes and he loved watching her face while she taught him something new. Sunday morning runs became a staple, as did breakfast at the diner and their waitress, Helen, who always made sure she was the one who served them.

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday evenings, Ziva disappeared as soon as they were dismissed for the day and refused all his attempts to find out what she was doing. Tony hadn't gotten up the nerve to follow her yet, certain he'd die in his sleep because she'd know and she had a key.

Tuesday mornings as well, if they didn't have a crime scene to be at, Ziva got up from her desk before lunch and left the bullpen without a word to anyone. Gibbs knew, Tony was sure, what Ziva did for an hour each week, but that was information she never volunteered to her partner.

But other than those minor mysteries that kept Tony wondering, life settled into a normal, enjoyable routine. Ziva didn't talk to Tony about her memories or her nightmares, preferring to pretend neither existed. Still, sometimes he saw them in the shadows behind her eyes, the dark circles that spoke of little sleep, the tightness around her mouth as if she were in pain, and the way her reflexes were on such high alert that even standing too close caused a reaction.

Out of respect, Tony didn't ask, but he watched them haunt her, wishing he had some way to make them disappear. Gibbs watched too, and saw more than all of them. He knew Ziva wasn't really getting better, she was only just coping. But it was also inevitable that one day reality would come crashing in and she wouldn't be able to refuse their help any more.

**NCIS**

It was the last Tuesday in November when Gibbs asked Ziva to run down to Autopsy and get Ducky's latest report. The day had gone well so far, yesterday's case was all wrapped up and her appointment with Dr. Andrews had been rather neutral, instead of good or bad. Ziva felt Tony's eyes on her every time she left without saying a word, but her meetings with the psychiatrist were something she wanted to keep private.

So far they'd been talking for over a month and little by little, Ziva could see it helping. Some nights she only woke once from the nightmares and sometimes she slept longer before they came. Though she was still waiting for the day Devon and Gibbs, in his own way, had insisted was coming - a night when she slept without the threat of dreams.

Ziva was fine until she walked in the sliding door. She'd barely said, "Hello Ducky," before the unsavory smell of dead body hit her nostrils and her stomach rolled. Quickly, Ziva dashed to the trash can beside Ducky's desk and lost her lunch. Ducky dropped what he was doing and hurried over, pulling a handkerchief from his pocket so she could wipe her mouth.

"Thank you," Ziva murmured, blinking and swallowing, grimacing at the taste. A bottle of water appeared in front of her and Ducky's hand rested on her forehead.

"Are you ill today Ziva?" he inquired.

Ziva shook her head, embarrassed at having been caught. "No Doctor, I am fine. It is nothing, just...the smell," she waved her hand towards the metal tables, only to notice for the first time that they were empty.

Ducky patted her shoulder. "Mr. Palmer only just put our most recent guest away and it was a nasty one. I don't blame you for your reaction." Cocking his head to the side, he eyed her curiously. "Has this happened before?"

"Occasionally," she admitted. "I think certain smells trigger...memories."

Ducky didn't press to know details, what Gibbs had told him about the condition she'd been found in had been enough. "It may be nothing, but it may be something," he said practically. "I would like to do a quick check up and draw some blood for tests, just to be safe."

"Ducky, I am fine," Ziva protested, but he ME would not be swayed.

"I'll feel better when I know that for myself my dear. Come, just sit up here on the table, it won't take long."

Relenting, Ziva sat and waited while Ducky got his bag. She rolled up her sleeves and let him take her blood pressure, submitted to a brief look in her eyes and ears, and said "Ahh," when he looked down her throat. Then it was time for him to take blood.

The sight of the slim, shiny piece of metal had Ziva closing her eyes as her body tensed. The needle slipping into her arm brought back images of being at the hospital after they rescued her, reminded her of the things Saleem had done to try to conjure up a truth when she didn't know what he really wanted. It took all her concentration to control her breathing and reflexes so she didn't accidentally pass out or throw Dr. Mallard across the room.

When he was finished, Ziva breathed a sigh of relief until Ducky gestured to her shirt. "If I may, I would like to see how your injuries have healed."

Ziva bit her lip and looked away. "I would prefer if you did not Doctor."

Ducky's eyes held nothing but compassion. "Ziva, I am not going to harm you."

She sighed. "I know that. But I do not like to be touched, or...seen," Ziva finished in a whisper.

Going over to the doors, Ducky locked them and pulled down the blinds. "It will only take a minute."

It would be the longest minute she'd endured in months. But without further argument, Ziva pulled off her long sleeved shirt. She kept her eyes closed for the duration of the exam. Ducky's fingers were gentle and he kept his touch to a minimum. After three months, the scars on her arms had finally begun to fade, though they were still very visible to her. The marks on her torso were less severe, most of the trauma she'd sustained in that area had been internal. But a criss-crossing pattern of thin cuts still marred the tanned skin. Carefully, Ducky palpitated the ribs that hadn't yet been healed when they brought her home.

Ziva's back was undoubtedly the worst. Many of the lines were still thick and dark, twisted and raised like welts because of how the skin had healed. Ducky's heart broke when he looked at the damage wrought on a woman they cared for so deeply. Finally he handed her shirt back and Ziva knew without even asking that he would want to see the rest as well.

With her top half once again clothed, Ziva stood and dropped her army green cargo pants and tried to think of anything else. Aware of what Gibbs suspected had been done to her, the only woman in an all male terrorist camp, Ducky used his eyes only to touch her hips, legs and feet.

There were a myriad of less visible cuts that had been shallowly slashed up and down both of Ziva's legs, from hip to foot and all over her calves and thighs. Interspersed between were stretched, shiny patches of tissue that had, months ago, been fresh burns. Sorrow filled the doctor and he had to look away.

When his exam was complete, Ducky stepped away and cleared his throat, letting Ziva get dressed again. Uncomfortable silence reigned for several moments before he smiled a little too brightly and retrieved something from a cabinet. "You're coming along very nicely my dear. Is there anything else you need to tell me that I can't see?"

Ziva sighed. "Nothing important Ducky."

Content to leave it alone for now, Ducky sealed the blood vials. "I'll send these up to the lab for test-" he began but Ziva cut in.

"No!" The cry rang out in the silence and Ducky looked at her, surprised. Ziva repeated her declaration more calmly. "No Doctor, you cannot tell anyone. If Gibbs thought..." She trailed off, unable to voice her fears. If Gibbs thought she wasn't handling this, that she couldn't do her job...it was too awful a consequence to consider.

Ducky patted her arm. "I understand Ziva. I will be discreet." He handed her the small jar. "Start putting this on after you get out of the shower. In time it will help reduce the vividness of the marks."

With a small smile of gratitude, though she doubted anyone else would ever look at her body, so it didn't really matter how harsh the scars were, Ziva hopped off the table, pocketed the cream and left. Ducky watched her go and then began preparing the paperwork for the blood. He used the name Deann Saers and took the sample up to the lab himself. Abby's domain was quiet, surprising Ducky until he saw the big black headphones covering her ears.

Dancing to music only she could hear, Abby jumped when he tapped her on the shoulder. Smiling when she saw who it was, Abby took the headphones off. "Dr. Mallard, what brings you up to Labby?"

Ducky glanced at the bag he held. "Abigail I have a friend who needs some, shall we say inconspicuous, blood tests done. But I would need you to keep it just between us."

Abby held out her hand for the vials. "Sure thing Ducky. What am I looking for?"

He waved his hand vaguely. "Run everything. I want to know what secrets that blood has to tell. It's not urgent though Abigail, just get to it when you can."

"Okey-doke."

Ducky turned to go. "Remember, don't tell anyone."

She smiled, zipping her lips and twisting a key. "My lips are sealed."

Heading back to Autopsy, Ducky only prayed Abby didn't find any of the things he feared.

**NCIS**

Tuesday night was dinner and this week it was Italian at Tony's place. Ziva usually enjoyed his penne, however tonight it was impossible to tell because of how she picked at it and pushed it listlessly around on her plate. Tasting the noodles again, Tony couldn't find anything wrong.

"Did I forget something Zi?" he asked finally.

"Hmm?" she asked, not with him at all.

"Did I miss an ingredient? You don't really look like you're enjoying the food."

Forcing a smile, Ziva took a bite, chewed and swallowed. "No, it is good."

"You're awfully quiet tonight, something on your mind?"

"I am always quiet Tony," she said as if he should know better.

"Not so much lately," he reminded her. Slowly Ziva was getting better, finding a new sort of normal. Though quieter than she had been before Somalia, she was rarely this silent.

Ziva pushed her plate away. "I am fine Tony, just a little tired. Maybe I will go home early."

He stood up. "Want me to drive you?" Tony never gave up trying to get a foot in the door.

She smiled wanly. "No thank you, I can walk, it is not far."

"Okay." Tony shoved his hands in his pockets. "We're still on for Thursday? Movie Night? I've got Blue Crush, it's a great surfing movie."

Ziva nodded. "Of course. See you tomorrow. Thank you for dinner."

She left quickly and Tony stared after her, knowing something wasn't right and that he was being left out yet again. Ziva wasn't distant like that, not usually. He wracked his brain trying to think through their day, but other than taking awhile to come back with Ducky's report, something Gibbs hadn't asked about, Tony could think of nothing that had happened.

He cleared and put away supper, did dishes and straightened up, turned out lights, locked doors and got ready for bed all with his mind focused singularly on wishing he knew what was going on in his partner's head. Nothing had changed yet, not the way he'd hoped, and Tony still had no rights to inquire about her thoughts, to push or pry and find out what was wrong. He couldn't go over to her apartment and make sure she was okay or insist that he drive so she didn't have to walk. But he could care and he could hope, and maybe someday soon, something would finally change.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Wow! Thank you so much everyone! You guys totally overwhelmed me with reviews, amazing :) I'm so excited for this story. Having is written already is something new and I can't wait for y'all to see what happens next. Sorry for a shorter chapter this time, but the next one is going to be pretty great, so look forward to Fri. Again, thank you so so much! You guys are awesome!_

Two days later on Thursday, Tony could hardly wait until the end of the day. It was Movie Night and that was always his favourite night to hang out with Ziva. When he excused himself to grab something from the breakroom, Ziva looked after him, glad they had low key plans tonight. Then her phone rang.

"David."

"Hello Ziva," came the familiar Scottish brogue, but today it didn't give her any comfort.

Ziva tensed. "Ducky."

"Can you come down to Autopsy before you leave for the day? I have those results back from your blood tests."

Nodding woodenly, she agreed. "I will be right down."

Gibbs was out for coffee and McGee was absorbed in something on his computer, so she had no trouble leaving the squadroom. On the elevator ride all Ziva could think about was what could be wrong that Ducky would need her to come. Visions of STDs, damage from the drugs she'd been given, a disease caught because of spoiled food, tainted water and unhygienic living conditions flooded her mind and for a moment she was back in that cell in the desert.

Breathing heavily, she hit the emergency stop switch and leaned over, hanging her head and putting her hands on her knees. Closing her eyes, Ziva tried to force herself to breathe normally. In and out, one breath and then another, until finally her chest was no longer heaving and her heart wasn't racing quite as bad.

Raising her chin and setting her shoulders, Ziva turned the elevator back on and waited for the ding. It did not help her worry at all when she walked through the doors and Ducky looked up solemnly. "I think you had better sit down Ziva."

Ziva crossed her arms and stared him down. "I will stand. Just tell me Doctor."

He hesitated. "There's no easy way to say this my dear." Ducky sighed. "You're pregnant."

Her courage faltered. "Pregnant?" She was stunned. Of all the possibilities that had been running through her head, a baby had not been one of them. Against her will she sank into Ducky's desk chair and dropped her head into her hands. "I am pregnant."

Ducky laid a hand on her shoulder but Ziva flinched away and he withdrew. She did not have to ask how it had happened, she still saw it in her dreams every night, but what on earth was she supposed to do about it? Unconsciously, Ziva's hands slid over her flat stomach, imagining the innocent life inside her. Looking down, Ziva thought about the baby, her baby. Though conceived in horror it was still a part of her and all she wanted in that moment was to protect the child that had already been through so much and yet survived.

"I daresay your child is as stubborn as you are to have made it this far," Ducky's words were spoken quietly.

Ziva tilted her head up, peering through the curls that had fallen over her face, very reminiscent of that day in Somalia when the hood came off. "I want to keep it," she said softly, but her voice gained strength when she repeated the words. "I want to keep my baby."

It was too early for congratulations and Ducky knew it was still quite possible that Ziva would change her mind when the emotion had worn off a bit. So instead he just patted her knee gently. "I'll let you decide when to tell the others." Ziva's head snapped up and apprehension coloured her gaze, that was not something she was prepared to think about yet. Ducky understood. "Why don't you go home now Ziva?"

She nodded. "Thanks Duck."

Moving like someone in a fog, Ziva made it back upstairs and retrieved her gun, keys, bag and jacket. Gibbs only caught a brief glimpse of the look in her eyes and in the hours that followed, he would seriously wonder if he should've taken her gun away or made her stay. Then Gibbs remembered it was Movie Night and knew that, no matter what, Tony would have his partner's back.

Without really remembering how she got there, Ziva found herself at home. For a long time she stood in the entry, looking around and feeling lost. Suddenly she knew she had to do something, anything to get some distance and perspective from the news Ducky had given her. Rushing around a bit frantically, Ziva threw what she needed into a backpack and ran the three miles to the pool, barely breaking a sweat.

All Ziva wanted was to get in the water, where things had always made sense before. It was what she did to get away no matter what kind of mission she was on or where in the world she was. The full length swim suit that usually reminded Ziva of everything she'd lost, today was a shield she was thankful to hide behind. She didn't hesitate once out of the changeroom and dove straight in the minute she hit the pool deck. The feel of the cool water rushing in to cradle her body brought the first sign of relief, but even thirty laps later Ziva still hadn't stopped shaking.

**NCIS**

Tony returned from his trying visit to the breakroom, where even his patented vending machine "free food" tactics had failed and every one dollar bill he fed it, the ornery piece of malfunctioning equipment spit back out. Finally he gave up and decided it was time to go home.

Usually on Movie Nights they left together, but once back at his desk, Tony realized Ziva was nowhere to be found. "Hey McGeek," he called, "you seen Ziva?"

McGee shook his head, not looking up as he adjusted something on his computer.

Frowning, Tony grabbed his phone and dialed the extension for the lab. It rang twice then, "Hello, welcome to Abby-ville. If you would like to leave a message, please begin now. To speak to Bert, press two. For Major Mass Spec-"

"Abs!" Tony interrupted with a huff. "Is Ziva there?"

Abby shook her pigtails, knowing full well that he couldn't see her. "Not down here. Did you try the shooting range?" Sometimes their resident ninja went there if she had nothing else to do.

"Not yet, thanks."

In a rush Tony clattered down several flights of stairs to one of the basement levels, but none of the stalls held his dark-haired partner. Starting to feel like something might be wrong, he paced for the elevator ride back up to the bullpen, grabbed his things and hurried home.

_Maybe she'll be at my place_, he thought. But as soon as he unlocked the door to his apartment, it was clear that Ziva wasn't waiting for him.

Trying not to act like someone who had a right to be concerned, Tony took his time changing into comfortable clothes, giving his partner another few minutes. In the process he tried to remember if Ziva had said anything earlier about going home first or switching Movie Night to her place.

But when the clock hit seven pm, an hour and a half after they'd been given permission to leave work, Tony felt something akin to panic creep over him. Pulling his cell from a pocket, Tony hit Ziva's speed dial number and listened to it ring, praying that she'd pick up.

**NCIS**

Ziva sat huddled in the corner of her couch with her knees pulled up, dressed in baggy sweats, staring at nothing. She jumped when her cell phone went off and it rang three times before she finally reached out and wrapped her fingers around it. The caller ID said "Tony" and somehow Ziva had known it would be him.

Swallowing hard, she flipped the phone open. "Hello?"

"Hey, everything okay Houdini?" Tony joked. "You pulled the great disappearing act on me today."

Ziva closed her eyes. She hadn't been sure she should answer the phone, but more than anything he was the one she wanted to talk to right now. Nothing she'd done since meeting with Ducky earlier had helped her calm down. Beside, Tony would just come over if he couldn't get ahold of her, he had a key.

In the end, it only took one word. "Tony?" Ziva hated how weak her voice sounded, how needy. She had known that she would tell her partner first, that she wouldn't be able to hide her shock from him. The mask she'd always depended on began slowly failing her after Somalia. At least, with Tony, it didn't work any more. He knew her so well, he saw her all the time at work and outside of it, he could see through any pretending she tried to do.

Tony's instincts went on alert when Ziva said his name. Something about the way she sounded...he didn't like it, knew it couldn't be good. "I'll be right there."

For the first time Ziva felt relief and she almost cried as she closed the phone. Five minutes later he was at her door and Ziva hesitated no more than a moment before propelling herself off the couch and into Tony, flinging her arms around his neck as her body heaved with all the sobs she'd been holding in.

Tony caught Ziva instinctively, his arms automatically wrapping around her back and waist, but he was in a mild state of shock. Despite the progress they were making in their friendship, it was still slow. This kind of physical proximity was new, something they hadn't done before. And as much as Tony loved that Ziva was leaning into him and needing the contact, feeling safe enough to have him hold her, it wasn't normal.

_Not good_, he thought, even more concerned now. "What's wrong?" Tony asked into her hair, too many scenarios flooding into his mind. _She got fired. She killed someone. She got some bad news. Maybe someone from home died_. But it would have to be something big to provoke this kind of reaction.

Ziva pulled back a little and rested her forehead on his collarbone. She took a deep breath and looked up at him with terrified eyes. "I am pregnant."

To say he was stunned was an understatement. Tony's first reaction, the knee-jerk thought that came to his head was, _But we never..._ Then it hit him and suddenly he knew more than he ever wanted to about what else they did to her in Somalia.

That was what she never wanted to tell him, when she never wanted him to know. Those were the memories touch brought up for her and the realization made him want to step away, to let go and not keep her so close when she might feel trapped or threatened because he was a guy. Except Tony knew how Ziva's mind worked and she would think he was rejecting her. So instead he held her tighter and felt her need for the comfort he was giving.

"Oh Ziva." The words caught in his throat as his hand moved soothingly up and down her back. "It's okay, I promise." Tony spoke faster than he could think, still blindsided by her news. "We'll get through this, we will. It's going to be okay."

Hearing that, Ziva relaxed just a little. She could feel it in his touch, hear it in the way he said 'we' and not 'you', and began to believe him. At least she wouldn't be alone. Ironic, when all she'd wanted for weeks was that very thing. Now she feared it more than anything else.


	3. Chapter 3

When they got tired of standing, Tony and Ziva sat on one cushion of her couch. Not willing to give up the comfort of being in Tony's arms, which still felt like a dream, Ziva nestled closer to him and they stayed like that for more time than either of them cared to measure.

Finally Tony gave her one last hug and dropped a kiss on top of her head. "Let's go for a walk Ziva," he suggested, getting up and offering his hand. She took it as if this happened every day and nodded mutely. Not liking that she was shutting down, which was usually followed by her shutting him out, Tony tipped her chin up. "Hey, I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

Her eyes met his and he saw the struggle to trust his words. Gently he nudged Ziva into her shoes, got her coat, and locked the door behind them. "If you want to talk, I'll listen. And if you just want to walk until things make sense again, I'm prepared to go at least to Canada." That earned him a very faint smile but to Tony, it was better than nothing.

Two hours later and one hot mug of tea each, (he'd started drinking it because of her), Tony and Ziva were back on the couch, cloaked in the same thick silence that had descended after her announcement and not shifted once yet. Then Tony couldn't take it any more.

Ziva was sitting away from him, no longer as emotional as she had been and therefore not at a place where she'd let him hold her just for comfort, despite her clear need for it earlier. She sat staring at her empty mug, running her thumb around the top.

He sighed. "Please Ziva, you've got to tell me what happened in Somalia, what they did to you. Keeping it locked up inside is not making it any better."

She lifted agonized eyes to meet his. "Tony please," she begged, "do not ask me to remember."

"Oh Ziva," Tony shifted closer and laced their fingers together, one of the few forms of contact she was comfortable with, "you haven't learned how to forget yet."

Her eyes downcast and body perfectly still, Ziva thought about his words for many long minutes before she nodded slowly. Uncomfortable being touched by him with the subject she was about to address, Ziva tried to take her hand back, but Tony's gentle grip refused to let go.

"I'm not going anywhere Zi," he insisted, so she decided to savour the feel of his skin against hers one last time. He would not want to touch her again once he knew the truth. She started the story right were she'd left off when Gibbs made her talk about it in Interrogation during the Damocles investigation.

"Once I was captured, they did not hesitate to start the interrogation. Saleem began with his truth serum but I knew how to resist it. When that failed they moved onto...other means." Ziva paused then began again, her voice giving the facts but betraying no emotion whatsoever.

"For the first month I fought them every day, every way that I knew how. The second month was when the low rations and injuries began to weaken me." She looked away from him, picturing the scenes in her mind whether she wanted to or not, trying not to remember the broken bones, blood and bruises that became her constant state. "At first I was the enemy, I do not even think they saw me as a woman. But when I could no longer fight that changed."

Rubbing her forehead, Ziva closed her eyes and continued. "I do not know what I expected in a camp of men, but I was not prepared for what came next." She felt Tony's fingers tighten on hers and appreciated the support and the pressure. His touch kept her grounded in this reality. Her next words were quiet and shame filled her just thinking them again.

"I had never been forced before then Tony, I had always been the one using my body to get what I needed or wanted from men, never the other way around. But then they came nearly every night, and sometimes in the daylight, their leering faces telling me I had no control over my life or my body, their actions proving that they could take whatever they wanted and I could do nothing to stop them."

Her whole body shook as she remembered but Ziva pressed on, anxious to have the telling over with. "By the middle of the third month I could barely walk, I had no will or reason left to fight them when they came, and most of the abuse had stopped." _Most, but not all_, she thought with revulsion. "It was clear to them that I would not talk, so I became leverage. I was fed enough to keep me alive but only just, in case my life was worth something to someone, that I might be bartered like goods to the highest bidder. But no one knew I was there and no one came."

Tony wanted to say he had come, that they would've come no matter where she was and done anything to bring her back home. That they would've come sooner if there was even a shred of hope that she was alive. But they hadn't known so she had been left to suffer alone. This time, however, his emotions had to wait, he needed to let her finish first.

"They left me alone with only my thoughts, my memories, and regrets, tied to a chair in that cell until the day they dragged me into the room with you and McGee, a hood over my head. I knew then that I was going to die but I did not even have the strength to struggle. I think by then I did not care what happened, I just wanted it to end."

Finished at last, Ziva looked up at Tony, expecting him to draw away, to let go and run. Instead all she found were his anguished eyes and tears. _Tears? Anthony DiNozzo crying?_ Raising trembling fingers, Ziva lightly touched his face. Tony's sorrow for her, for what she went through, was breaking her heart.

"Why do you care so much Tony?" Ziva needed to know.

Tony closed his eyes at her touch, trying not to lean into it, trying not to reach over and wrap her in his arms so no one could ever hurt the woman he loved again.

"You're my partner Ziva," he choked out, the words almost a lie now because she'd become so much more in the last few months, "my best friend. How could I not care?"

Her brow furrowed. "You do not hate me?"

His head jerked up. "Hate you? Why would I hate you?"

Ziva shrugged her shoulders. "It does not matter."

Tony's hand came up and turned her face towards him. "Why Ziva?"

"Because," she said softly, "I am ruined now. Sullied, tainted by their actions. Call it what you will. My body bears a record of their marks, just as my memory has recorded each detail of my shame. There is no one who will want me now."

His thumb brushed down her cheek, his anger at what had been done to her pushed to the side for now, although Tony would've given a month's wages to have a punching bag handy and five minutes to himself. "Hey, you are not ruined Ziva, you are not dirty because of what they did, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. You couldn't stop it, it's the fault of those dirtbags who held you captive, not yours." He brushed back a curl. "You are a strong, amazing, beautiful woman Ziva David, who wouldn't want to be with you?"

Leaning closer, Tony kissed Ziva softly to prove his words, feeling her jerk in surprise before she relaxed into the caress. The kiss was not rushed or hurried, it did not demand more. He held it for as long as Ziva allowed, her soft lips against his, realizing that this might be the only chance he'd get to say 'I love you' without words.

When Ziva finally pulled back, astonishment clear in her gaze, Tony smiled a little. "You are worth so much more than what you think Ziva. I hope someday you'll let me show you that."

Ziva didn't know what to say or do. She wanted to touch her lips, to see if they felt different after the invisible claim Tony had burned onto them with his kiss. She wasn't sure she'd ever been kissed so innocently, nor known one action to mean so much. Dazed as she was feeling right now, Ziva had no response. So she smiled briefly and they just sat there in the quiet together. It was several minutes before Tony noticed that Ziva had never let go of his hand.

**NCIS**

After a long time of sitting on there facing Tony, Ziva took one of his hands and pressed her lips to his palm slowly, curling his fingers over the spot. Tony was shocked. It was possibly the most intimate thing she'd done since showing him the scars on her arm. Lightly, she rested her hand over his heart and he held his breath, waiting.

"I know there is much in there that you feel for me Tony," she paused and tapped his closed fist once and Tony realized he hadn't been hiding his emotions very well at all. "But right now this is all I can give you. It means I care. Someday..." she paused and gathered her courage. "Someday it may be a promise. Just...not yet."

Tony closed his eyes for a moment, then lifted his hand and caressed Ziva's face. "I'll take it Zi. I'll hold onto it and when you're ready for it to be more, all you have to do is say the word."

She looked up, confused. "What word?"

He held her hand tightly and leaned close for a moment to whisper in her ear. "Say yes Ziva. Just say yes."

**NCIS**

"I'm staying over tonight," Tony informed her an hour later.

Ziva started to shake her head. "It is not nec-"

"No." He cut her off. "Look Zi, you might think you're fooling the world and the rest of the team with that act you put on every day, but it's not working on me and Gibbs." Tony ran his fingers down her cheek. "I know you still have nightmares, that you don't sleep. That you come into work early so you won't have to stay in bed. I can see it in your eyes whether you want me to or not. If anything is going to remind you of what happened in Somalia, it's going to be the news you got today." He held her hand tenderly. "Please, just let me help you."

Too drained to argue more, Ziva agreed and slid into a laying down position on the couch. Tony sat on the coffee table, slowly stroking his thumb over the back of her hand, wishing he had the freedom to press it to his lips. Ziva's eyes fluttered as she tried to stay awake, dreading the inevitable dreams. Tony touched her cheek.

"Sleep Zi, I'm not going anywhere."

Over and over he drew his fingers through her hair and rubbed his hand slowly up and down her back in a soothing motion. After two months the scars on her back no longer hurt when touched, though they were still far too visible for Ziva's liking. Finally she let go and succumbed to the pull of sleep.

Tony stayed by her side for an hour before retrieving his overnight duffel from his trunk. He set up a spot on the livingroom floor and lay down. Tony slept better that night than he had in weeks and he wondered if that's what people meant when they talked about their "other half". Everything was just better when she was around.

**NCIS**

Warped images and the worst of every negative feeling - guilt, anger, pain, shame - floated beneath Ziva's closed eyelids. Try as she might, the sleeping woman could not get away from the leering, judgmental, hate filled faces. Unconsciously, she twisted away from something burning her skin, braced herself for another blow, cringed at a hand in the darkness that promised she would eventually do anything to make them stop.

In her sleep Ziva cried, shaking sobs and tears that seemed to come from a bottomless well of sorrow within her heart. But inside the dream she didn't notice the wetness on her cheeks until a familiar pair of strong arms wrapped around her, cradling her body against the solid warmth of his chest. Gentle words in a voice she had so many times wished for were whispered softly in her ear.

"Shh Ziva, it's okay, I'm here." Tony's breath was warm against her face, his hand gentle as he brushed back her tangled hair. "It's okay Zi, it's not real, not anymore."

"Do not go," she whimpered in a small voice, like a child. But Ziva spoke in Hebrew because she could not tell him that she wanted this always. Instead she clung to his arm and let him sooth away the nightmare as he'd done since the first night at his apartment.

Having tasted Ziva's lips once, Tony found it incredibly hard not to use that sort of contact to comfort her now. But knowing what he knew about Somalia and the rest of what she'd suffered, he wasn't about to push any of those limits again. So he dropped a kiss on her hair and locked away the memory of how she felt in his arms, laying against him, totally trusting that he was the one who could save her from everything haunting her mind. It felt like so much longer than a month and a half since the last time he'd held her like this.

Without really planning to, Tony fell asleep holding Ziva. When he woke in the morning his back was against the couch cushions and his right arm was under one of Ziva's arms and laying across her chest, his hand on her other shoulder. His partner still held his arm and her back was pressed into him. It was, as far as Tony was concerned, the perfect way to wake up.

How long he lay there listening to her breathe and enjoying the moment, Tony wasn't sure. But when Ziva finally stirred he didn't move an inch, willing to let her make the call about what was too much, if daylight made her unable to bear his comfort or his closeness any longer.

Ziva blinked slowly and squinted, wondering why she was in her livingroom. Then the extra body heat and the arm around her registered and she froze, the events of last night washing back in like the tide. She'd needed Tony so much yesterday and now she didn't know how to put him back where she'd been keeping him, in a safe little box labeled "friend", for the past two months.

Deliberately, Ziva made herself relax. "What time is it?" she asked finally and it was such a normal question in an unusual moment that Tony wanted to laugh.

Instead he twisted the wrist not holding onto her and blinked to make out the numbers. "06."

She sighed. "I suppose we need to get ready for work." But she didn't try to move.

Surprised but glad that he hadn't been pushed away yet, Tony turned his head to breathe in the scent of Ziva's curls. It had long since faded from his bedding and pillow. Amazing how much he missed something like that. "We could talk, just for awhile."

Ziva was weary already and the day was only beginning. "About what Tony?"

He shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. The weather, Gibbs' coffee habit, the football season," his voice dropped, "how you feel about being pregnant."

Tensing, Ziva moved one of her arms to rest around her waist. "When Ducky told me, I did not know what to say," she admitted, blaming the stress for why she was being so free with her thoughts. "But I felt right away that it is my job to protect this baby, despite how it came to be. We, both of us, survived Somalia when there was no way we should have. So I am going to keep this baby and perhaps having someone like that, who needs me and depends on me for everything, will give me a reason to feel alive again. Maybe it will even help to heal everything that is still inside of me from the desert. I did not wish to carry the memories home with me."

Tony's grip on her tightened and his throat closed. He always wanted to know what his partner was thinking, but there were times when she was too honest and he hurt for what she still felt. And his own heart was heavy, hearing her words. Because he needed her, he depended on her and Tony didn't know how else he could show her there were so many reasons for her to feel alive.

"I'll be here," he said finally. "I'm not going anywhere Ziva. I'll help however I can."

She nodded, the back of her head rubbing on his shoulder. "I know."

It was a long time before either of them got up. And then Ziva made scrambled eggs and Tony took care of the toast and it was so normal that they didn't know what to do about it. They ate in silence, showered separately, and left for work together. Knowing Tony would insist on driving, Ziva didn't argue and when he reached for her hand before they walked into the building, she let him lace their fingers together. Deep down she knew she would need his support for what was to come.


	4. Chapter 4

The elevator doors opened and Tony and Ziva stepped out together. It was early and not many people were around yet, just the one man they needed to see. Approaching Gibbs' desk, Tony cleared his throat. "Boss? We need to talk to you." He cocked his head towards the conference rooms. "Privately."

Gibbs eyed their joined hands, wondering if the partners had finally given in, if they were together and this was about Rule #12, which Tony already had tacit permission to ignore. Without a word, he stood and led them back to an unoccupied room. He closed the door and stared at them.

Ziva's eyes were fixed on the floor and Tony stood close, like her protection. Finally she raised her gaze to meet his. "I am pregnant Gibbs."

Tony immediately became his target and Gibbs' eyes narrowed dangerously, but the other man didn't flinch. "When I said she needed something DiNozzo, I didn't mean-"

Ziva held up her hand. "It is not Tony's baby Gibbs." Though perhaps the pang in her heart wondered how different things would be if it was. She took a deep breath and steeled herself against the truth. "It is mine."

The way she said the words chilled Gibbs and he jerked his head at Tony. "Need a minute with her."

Tony glanced at Ziva, who nodded that it was okay, squeezed her hand, and left, reluctance clear in his body language with every step he took away from his partner. Gibbs had a feeling he wouldn't go far. Turning his attention to Ziva, the team leader scrutinized the woman in front of him.

She looked small and fragile today. He couldn't even imagine what the news had done to her. To escape Somalia, to survive, to be home and working so hard to get her life back and now have this to deal with... Gibbs sighed and stepped closer, noting the way she recoiled involuntarily. The memories were very close today, that much was clear.

"Ziver," he said at last, and it seemed to be a struggle for her to meet his eyes.

What she saw there was not revulsion or condemnation, but the kind of covering and unconditional love a father was supposed to give. It was the kind of love she would never experience from Eli, were he ever to hear about her condition, and in that moment she prayed he would never find out. A lone tear slid down Ziva's cheek and Gibbs took another step towards her to wipe it away with his thumb. Her lip quivered.

"I am sorry Gibbs. I could not tell you...I could not tell anyone what happened in the camp, what they did. I-"

He caught her before she fell to the ground, brushing his hand down her hair and murmuring comforting words into her hair. Ziva didn't know what to do with another hug, with care she did not deserve, so she tried hard to pull herself together.

Gibbs stared into her eyes. "What are you going to do?" He needed to know where her head was at.

Resolution filled the dark orbs looking back at him. "I am going to keep it. I am not a monster like them." Hate coloured her gaze. "Something this innocent does not deserve to die just because of where it came from."

He watched her carefully but saw no signs of wavering. "Okay," Gibbs agreed, "but you're off active duty."

Ziva's eyes widened. "Gibbs!"

His voice was firm. "No good risking two lives in the field." Her shoulders sagged in defeat. Of course she did not want to put her child in harm's way, but to only just get back on the team permanently and have that taken away... But he wasn't done yet.

"You can roll out with us," Gibbs decided on a whim, "but you stay in the car, you observe, and you do interviews only." A small smile crept onto her face. "That's until you start showing, then you're on desk duty until it's time for maternity leave."

Gibbs glared gently at her. "Whenever you feel like the stress is getting too much or when I see that it is, you're gone." He saw the look in her eyes, the fear that she would lose everything and everyone important to her now. He shook his head.

"No, it's not forever. I promise that your job and your place on this team, a spot no one else can even begin to fill, will be waiting for you when you're ready to come back. In the meantime," he continued, "you'll have lots of built in babysitters and you can come see us any time you need to get out of the house. We're not going to leave you alone in this Ziva, I promise."

Ziva knew Gibbs kept his promises and finally began to relax a little. Perhaps this news did not mean the end of everything she'd worked so hard for. Perhaps in some way, it was just a new beginning.

**NCIS**

Outside in the hallway, Tony alternated between pacing and leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets as he waited for the door to open. It was the first time he'd been alone, the first time he'd been able to think since Ziva had told him she was pregnant.

The news had been like a punch to the gut, a blow he couldn't recover from because he finally knew everything he'd wanted all along for her to tell him, and all Tony was desperate for now was the oblivion he had lived in before Thursday night. He wondered bleakly what this news meant for his hopes and dreams, for loving her.

An instant later Tony realized it didn't change anything. He loved Ziva, so he would love her baby, it was as simple as that. This child was a beautiful, innocent gift who wouldn't know any of the darkness it had come from and there was no reason the child growing inside her shouldn't be welcomed and loved just as much as any other baby that had been wanted from the beginning.

It was also encouraging for Tony to note that since she found out, Ziva seemed more open to him, more receptive of him being around. Maybe this was the chance he'd been looking for to prove to his partner that he was a changed man, that he'd grown up and could be worthy of her now.

A picture filled Tony's head of him and Ziva in a house together, a small bundle cradled in his arms while she looked on with love in her eyes. What would it be like to have her for his wife, for her child to be theirs? It was still just a thought, something to ponder and wonder over, because neither of them were quite ready to think about that yet. But it was a picture that burrowed into his heart and Tony knew it wouldn't let go. Someday...maybe...it would be real.

The conference room door opened and Gibbs strode out, followed by a much slower Ziva. Tony pushed away from the wall. "How'd it go?"

She shrugged. "I am not allowed to do any more field work." He opened his mouth to protest but Ziva looked down at her midsection. "Gibbs does not want to put either of us in danger now." That made sense, but there was an ache in Tony's heart at the thought of losing her as his partner again for several months.

Ziva smiled briefly. "I am allowed to do interviews until it is...obvious."

"Well, at least that's something," Tony said carefully, not sure how she felt about it. "So, how about I buy you a cup of tea before we go back to our desks?" The look in her eyes said something had changed and he wasn't about to argue. Ziva nodded and he walked beside her the whole way. Right there was where Tony wanted to stay for the rest of his life.

**NCIS**

Gibbs burst into Leon's office and the Director looked up, not even bothering to comment. "Need a temporary agent assigned to my team."

Leon's eyebrows rose. "Why?" Gibbs never liked having extra people around.

Gibbs waved his hand dismissively. "David's on restricted duty as of today."

The Director's eyes widened. "We just got her back. What's going on?"

Considering whether he wanted to share or not, Gibbs conceded that his boss probably wouldn't help unless he knew the reason. "Just between you and me."

"Okay." Interest flared in his eyes. "I'm listening."

Gibbs sighed. "Ziva's pregnant. She brought it back with her. But I am not losing her again."

Staring at the team leader for a moment, Vance nodded and picked up a file. "You're in luck. Request came across my desk today. Agent from the LA field office just transferred to DC. He needs a team to learn the ropes with, but he eventually wants a permanent position." Leon raised an eyebrow. "You sure she's coming back after leave?"

Gibbs' eyes narrowed. "She'll be back. This is home." He held out his hand for the file and looked it over. "I'll meet with him Monday, 0730, no later."

The Director smiled. "Done. He survives eight months on your team and he'll be worthy of his own desk."

Gibbs grunted. "He starts with a cubicle."

**NCIS**

If McGee noticed that Friday was a very quiet day on the MCRT, he didn't say anything. If he saw Tony's eyes flicker to Ziva's desk a thousand times as the hours passed, or noted Ziva's complete oblivion to the world around her, he was kind enough not to mention it.

When Gibbs dismissed them early due to lack of case, McGee didn't ask any questions, he just packed up his things and tried to look like he wasn't in a rush to get down to the lab and see his wife. Abby was waiting for him, her smile the one he woke up to every morning, and even after a month Tim still felt like the luckiest man in the world.

Standing behind her, he used his forefinger to trace the chain under her dog collar that he'd clasped around her neck two days after they said their vows. Safely hidden beneath her shirt were Abby's rings. Tim loved to know that, even though no one ever saw them. His own silver band was attached to his keyring because honestly, how often did someone really look at another person's keychain ornaments?

"Ready to go?" he asked.

Abby turned around, simultaneously nodding and checking the door for visitors. She kissed him softly. "Three of my favourite words."

Tim grinned. "What are the others?"

Her eyes twinkled. "'I love you' and 'time for bed'."

McGee swallowed and his voice dropped to a whisper. "You're a very dangerous woman Mrs. McGee."

A month and she never got tired of hearing him call her that. "You like it," she said cheekily, spinning away from him to grab her stuff.

Tim took her hand as soon as she had everything and they left together. On the way home Abby chatted about her day and the upcoming bowling tournament with the nuns and how Bert had been very lonely lately and she might have to get a hippo cow to make him feel better.

"Then they can get married and have a baby Bert," Abby decided excitedly. "That would be so cute! I could dress Bert up in a little hippo tux and he could..." she stopped and frowned. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

McGee shrugged. "I'm just remembering one of the reasons why I love you."

Abby leaned over and batted her eyelashes at him. "And what reason is that Mr. McGee?"

Tim glanced at her to smile before returning his attention to the road. "Because Abbs, no matter what is going on or how bad the day has been, you always make me smile. Always." He lifted her hand and kissed her fingers.

Abby was instantly sympathetic. "Did you have a bad day Tim?"

He sighed and shook his head. "No, not me. But Tony and Ziva...I don't think they were doing very well. It's a good thing we didn't get a case, they were very distracted." He sighed. "It would've been good to know what was going on."

Abby looked out the window, holding his hand with both of hers. "I wish we could do something to help her Timmy. She's been so lost since you brought her back. Even with our nights out and seeing her at work and the time she spends with Tony, I still feel like we're losing her somehow."

Tim's eyes flickered to his wife's face. "You saw her earlier this month to go shopping for clothes, right?"

She nodded. "Yes, and it was fun, but that's another thing about Ziva that's changed," Abby pointed out. "She used to have this amazing sense of style. Even wearing something simple to work she looked drop dead gorgeous. But now..." she trailed off, bit her lip and let out a breath.

"Ziva's very specific about what she'll wear. No dresses, no skirts, nothing with a neckline below her collarbone and everything has to have long sleeves." Abby looked at her husband. "Tony said something about her having scars once, how bad do you think they are?"

It was a long time before McGee could make his voice work. Abby's question took him back to the cell in Somalia, back to how Ziva had looked when they found her. Only Abby's finger lightly caressing his skin kept Tim from having a full blown flashback.

"Timmy?" Her voice sounded nervous and McGee was so glad to pull into the parking lot of her building. He shut off the car, unbuckled, and turned to face her. "Where'd you go?" she asked uncertainly.

He cleared his throat. "Back to Africa."

Abby crawled right across the center console and into his lap, capturing McGee's face between her hands. "Don't," she begged. "Stay here with me, please stay."

Tim gathered his focus and shoved the past away, more than happy to put all of his attention on the badly in need of reassurance Goth currently in his lap. He slid his hands along her neck and leaned his forehead against hers. But that wasn't enough contact and McGee had to kiss her, taste her, know that this moment with Abby was what was real.

Finally he pulled away to breathe. "I'm not going anywhere Abbs, I promise. But if you'd seen how we found her..." he shuddered. "There's some things I'm glad you don't know."

Abby buried her face in his neck. "She's so skinny Tim, so different. She's not Ziva anymore, I feel like she's still missing."

McGee waited for Abby to look at him before speaking. "No babe, she's here, we brought her home. But Ziva doesn't know who to be any more and only time will help her figure it out."

"Do you think she and Tony will ever..." Abby didn't need to finish her thought for him to understand.

Tim leaned in a little to press his lips to hers and held her tightly. "I hope so Abbs, really I do. I want everyone to know what it's like to love someone like I love you."

Finally she smiled again and they cuddled a few minutes longer before it got uncomfortable. Tim opened the door and let Abby get out first, then they took the familiar route up to her place, which was now theirs. Walking in the door, he looked around. "Supper first or more packing?"

After a month, two people's stuff in her small apartment had started to be too much, and Tim's place wasn't any bigger, so they started looking for something else. They'd considered a condo, but both decided they'd had enough of rent and found a sweet little one and a half story house that Abby adored and Tim was glad to purchase.

All they had to do now was finish packing and they could move in any time. Tim, after tripping over boxes all week, had chosen Saturday and Abby couldn't wait. It would be their first place together and this time they weren't playing house, it was for real. "Let's pack some more," she said with a smile. "The sooner it's done, the sooner we can go home."


	5. Chapter 5

Ziva insisted on going home alone Friday night, but Tony was determined not to let her push him away again. So an hour later he showed up at her apartment, pushed the buzzer twice to let her know he was coming, and let himself in. He knocked on her door.

"Delivery."

Ziva answered a moment later and eyed him critically. "I did not order pizza Tony."

He slid past her without waiting for an invitation that might be slow in coming and set up shop on her coffee table. "No, but I did and it smells delicious." She stood watching with her arms crossed as he pulled paper plates and napkins out of his ever handy backpack. "It also happens to be your favourite."

The scent reached her and after a moment, Ziva relented and accepted a slice as she sat beside him. "What are we watching?"

Loving that she'd given herself up to the inevitable, Tony grinned and held up a DVD case. "Tomb Raider 2." On the surface it was a typical choice for him - hot lead character, lots of action, intrigue, and mystery. But on the other hand, Tony had worked very hard to choose a movie that did not involve kids in any way, kidnappings, or excessive violence when he thought about what to bring tonight.

Ziva smiled slightly and sat back to enjoy the story. Near the end her phone rang and Ziva checked the number before answering. It could only be so many people. But this one was important. "I am sorry Tony, I will be right back." She walked to her bedroom and closed the door and Tony could hear her voice faintly through the wall.

For some reason the call troubled him, as did her leaving the room. He could feel a response he knew was jealousy, as well as the insatiable curiosity that so often got him into trouble. But Tony couldn't stop his mind from spinning and none of what he was thinking made him feel better.

It was too soon for Ziva to have met someone, right? Maybe it was Gibbs, but she would've answered it in front of him. So what else? A doctor, perhaps? Maybe it was Director Vance and something was wrong. He stewed about it and worried the question in circles. Who was she talking to and why was it a secret?

**NCIS**

"Hello Duke," Ziva said quietly.

"Ziva, is everything okay?" he asked, sounding concerned. "You haven't missed one day of training in a month and a half."

She sighed. "Something has...come up. I will be back at Ops on Monday." _Only to tell you that I can no longer do any training_, she thought, defeated.

Duke's tone changed and she could tell he'd switched to combat mode. "Are you in some sort of trouble Ziva? Just say okay and I'll be there."

Ziva shook her head, glad to be able to lay that concern to rest. It was nice to know someone was looking out for her. "No, not like what you are thinking. I am fine. I will explain next week."

"Alright." He wasn't fully convinced but she wasn't giving him much to work with. "If you're sure. See you around David."

"Goodbye."

Hanging up with him, Ziva returned to the livingroom and her place beside Tony. "Who was that?" he queried, trying to sound casual about asking.

Waving dismissively, Ziva shook her head, wanting him to realize it wasn't anything to worry about. "Just a friend."

Tony wasn't buying it but he couldn't force an answer out of her. Turning the movie back on, they watched the end but the atmosphere suddenly felt a whole lot less comfortable. Fortunately, Ziva was too distracted to notice that something had changed.

When the credits finished rolling, Tony got up and started tidying the mess they'd made. After a minute Ziva shook herself and helped. Announcing that he had to run out to his car for a minute, Tony acted on something he'd been thinking about all night.

Ziva took advantage of his absence to change into pyjamas and brush her teeth. She was running a brush through her hair when Tony got back with his pillow and overnight bag. She raised one eyebrow. "I do not remember extending an invitation."

"I'm too tired to drive home," he said firmly, even if it didn't make sense because he lived all of seven minutes away, and began to make up the couch.

Ziva dropped the brush and crossed her arms. She did not like being told what was going to happen in her own space. "And if I do not want you to stay?" she asked sharply, not admitting that she would be glad if he did. That was not the point.

Hurt flashed in Tony's eyes momentarily before he covered and shrugged. "Too bad." He flopped down on the couch and closed his eyes. Making a frustrated noise, Ziva stomped to her room and retrieved the sleeping bag he'd loaned her when she first moved in. Marching back into the livingroom, she threw it at him. "I do not have any extra blankets." Then she slammed the door and crawled into bed, not even sure what she was angry about.

On the couch, Tony sighed and rubbed a hand over his eyes. That had been poorly handled. _Ya think, DiNozzo?_ Gibbs' voice said in his head. If he hadn't been so hung up on who Ziva was on the phone with, he'd probably have asked her if he could stay, then sweet-talked her into letting him even if she hadn't been one hundred percent on board with the idea.

Instead he insisted, not caring whether she liked it or not. That was a great way to stay in her favour, he grumbled to himself. The only question now was if she'd hate him tomorrow because of this or if he could find a good way to apologize so maybe Ziva wouldn't make sure this was the last time it ever happened.

**NCIS**

Tony woke early the next morning, earlier than he had in weeks. It was just after 0500 and the apartment was completely still. He lay there for several minutes, wondering if Ziva would be getting up and going for a run soon. But as the hands of the clock slipped past 5:15, and then 5:20, he figured she was probably skipping her routine again today. That wasn't good.

Wanting to do something nice to make up for being such a cretin last night, and knowing his ninja rarely slept late even on Saturdays, Tony got up and headed for the kitchen. It was time to put to the test everything his nonna had tried to teach him when he was younger. First he had to find the flour.

**NCIS**

Ziva opened her eyes to a warm smell seeping under her closed door. Intrigued, she slipped out of bed and wrapped the midnight blue silk robe around herself. Quietly, she opened the door and leaned against the frame, watching. Tony DiNozzo had gone domestic on her.

He was standing in front of her stove, a dishtowel over one shoulder and a covered plate of what she assumed were pancakes, given the shape, at his right. Sensing her presence, because he couldn't possibly have heard her (stealth skills died hard), Tony turned, holding a black plastic flipper in his hand. He smiled.

"Hey."

Ziva merely crossed her arms and stared back at him. Tony's expression and fell and he looked down at the frying pan, flipping something over and turning off the heat. When he met her eyes, she read the remorse there before he even began to speak.

"Look Zi, I'm sorry for acting like such a jerk last night." He blew out a breath and rubbed the back of his neck. "It's stupid, but I guess I like to think I'm the only guy in your life."

It was almost sweet, his jealousy over her phone call with Duke, but Ziva wanted to make a point. "You are not," she said calmly.

A dark shadow passed over Tony's face. "Yeah, I figured."

Ziva shook her head. "There is also Gibbs and Ducky and McGee."

Hope began to cautiously light in his eyes. "That's all? Because what you said the other night and then the call..." Tony shrugged. "I don't know what to think."

She went to him then, laying her palm against his cheek as she often did when she needed his full attention. "Tony," Ziva said softly, "I am not changing what I said. You do not have to worry."

For a moment she thought he might kiss her again and if he did, Ziva knew she would not be able to keep her distance any more. But as if he could see her weakness, Tony just cleared his throat and motioned to the counter. "Okay, well, we've got pancakes, an omelette, fruit salad in the fridge, and I was just about to start toast." He grinned. "I wasn't sure what you'd feel like."

Though the words weren't specific, they brought back to Ziva the reminder of her pregnancy and she felt as if a heavy weight had again fallen on her shoulders. The peace in her eyes disappeared and she sighed. "I will have the omelette and some fruit, thank you Tony."

It was Saturday morning and Tony didn't give Ziva any other options before turning on cartoons. He watched her from across the couch as she picked at her food and knew she would eventually push it away. Tony didn't know how to help. What was she thinking? Feeling? It was obvious from her dreams the first night that Ziva was still reliving Somalia, but he didn't remember hearing anything last night, so maybe the nightmares weren't as bad as he remembered. Two months apart would do that, but he didn't like when things changed with his partner and he didn't know about it right away.

Later, when the food was put away and dishes had been washed in relative silence, Tony handed Ziva the new winter coat Abby had helped her pick out and when both of them were bundled up against the cold, he led her into the winter wonderland of DC in December.

With her hand tucked in his larger one, they walked. Six blocks, eight, then ten, always getting further away, as if Ziva could escape reality simply by leaving what was familiar. But eventually Tony tugged her to the left and they started making a huge square back to their original starting point.

He made hot chocolate once they were back inside and draped the fuzzy red blanket on the couch around Ziva's shoulders. She'd been frighteningly withdrawn since their conversation earlier, passively accepting everything he'd done and offering no argument. Tony almost wished she would fight with him, so he'd know she was okay. But she wasn't and he hated that this time there was nothing he could do to help.

**NCIS**

Ziva watched the day pass as if it was someone else's life. Tony made sandwiches for lunch and she ate half but the food was of little interest to her. They watched movies she did not remember the names of and Tony talked for hours about things that never penetrated the fog. For the first time he beat her at chess, but Ziva was not even aware that she was moving her pieces, or paying attention to where she put them.

Finally, in desperation, Tony handed her one of the Hebrew books off the shelf, figuring something in English might be too much right now, and grabbed a magazine for himself. He took the chair in the corner and let her stretch out on the couch, watching as she flipped pages aimlessly, the matter in her head far too weighty to be dislodged by a mere distraction.

Tony wasn't surprised when Ziva eventually gave up and slid into a laying position, closing her eyes as if to shut out the world. Sleep was probably the only escape for her now, unless she dreamed, so he'd have to make sure she didn't. When he was sure she was asleep, he approached the couch and drew the forgotten blanket up to her shoulders.

Taking a seat on the coffee table, Tony watched her, memorizing every inch of her face. Every expression, every twitch, every eyelash, and the rhythm of each breath. Under the lids, her eyes started moving and he recognized the deep sleep cycle of REM. Now was his chance.

Ever so gently Tony ran his hand down her wild, wavy hair, loving the texture of it. His fingers skated lightly over her cheek and he had to resist the urge to place a kiss there. Holding up his left hand, Tony looked at his palm, still feeling the brief touch of her lips.

"_It means that I care. Someday it may be a promise."_ He was holding onto those words like they were a lifeline to keep him from drowning.

"Oh Zi," Tony said softly, his voice so quiet it was barely more than a whisper, "I wish I could tell you now. What I wouldn't give to be able to say everything in my heart, to finally have the right to hold you and kiss you, to protect you and keep you safe from life and the memories and anything else that tries to hurt you."

She stirred a little and he held his breath, waiting until she settled again. Then Tony resumed his gentle ministration on her hair. "I wish I could make you understand that the scars, however many there are, don't matter to me even though I want to kill the guys who did this to you, who hurt you and made you afraid."

"You're my partner Ziva," he continued after taking a breath to keep the tears at bay, "my heart. I meant what I said in the desert, you can't argue with truth serum," he chuckled. "And no matter how long it takes, even if it kills me to be this close and have to keep my distance, I will be here waiting when you're ready for more, I promise."

Feeling the declaration settle deep within himself, Tony smiled slightly and continued to sit there, watching her sleep. It was possibly the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Ziva couldn't hide when she was asleep and he loved getting to really see her.

**NCIS**

Somewhere in the depth of peaceful slumber, Ziva was aware that Tony was there. She could hear his quiet voice murmuring on but she couldn't quite make out the words and she didn't know if he was talking to her or himself. But it made her feel safe and protected because he was there, watching over her while she was sleeping, even if he was just in the room and watching a movie.

It occurred to her like something she should've noticed before, that ever since she'd told her partner the news that had rocked her world, he'd somehow managed to be around her nearly every second. He'd said they would get through it together and Tony was keeping his promise, just like every promise he'd made since her return from Somalia.

So often she wasn't sure what to do with him or how much she could handle of having him so close, but right now, today, as something she might never be able to admit, Ziva knew she didn't want him to leave. And she knew if she asked, he never would. But Tony deserved so much more than her, even if Ziva was no longer sure she was strong enough to give him up so he could find another who could be what he needed. One who was not damaged or scarred or afraid. Anyone but her.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Just wanted to say thanks again to everyone who is reviewing. It's totally blowing me away the response to this story and I'm super grateful to everyone who takes the time to tell me what they think. I read and appreciate every review and I try to reply as soon as I can. THANK YOU!_

_PS. This is my favourite chapter so far, I think it's beautiful and I hope you guys all like it too. Enjoy! :) ~Aliyah_

Ziva hadn't spoken a word since she woke from her nap and for almost half an hour now she'd been sitting curled up in one corner of the couch, looking for all the world like she was trying to make a difficult decision. Tony watched her carefully from his place in the chair where he was pretending to read a magazine. Finally she sighed and sat up.

"Tony," Ziva asked quietly, "will you drive me somewhere?"

Tony snapped to attention. "Of course." It was the first time she'd asked him for something directly since Thursday night. He recognized that she didn't have to ask, because she was fully capable of driving herself anywhere she wanted to go, but she'd chosen him and that fact alone made Tony happy.

Nodding, Ziva moved to her bedroom. She was gone a long time and Tony did not expect when she came out in the same baggy sweats, carrying a small bag. "I am ready."

Intrigued, Tony led her out to his car and held the door, then got in and waited for instructions. Ziva's mood was subdued, as it had been for hours, and she gave directions differently, no street names, just things like, "Drive straight." "Turn left after the old church." "Take a right at the next corner."

They finally ended up in front of a dark building with tall glass windows in front. With no qualms or hesitations, Ziva pulled out her lockpick and let them in. In the back of his mind, Tony couldn't help but wonder how often she did that and if anybody ever noticed. They entered a long hallway with doors on either side. Ziva stopped at the third door on the left and took a breath, finally she looked at him.

"Tony, tonight I think..." she paused, weighing her words, "I think I need to dance." He tried not to let his mouth fall open. She gestured to the wall of windows along the studio. "You can...watch from here." It was an answer to his long ago note, finally. She didn't have to share this with him, but she was choosing too, and it gave Tony hope.

Ziva entered the pitch black room and turned the lights down low. Shedding her sweats, Tony was surprised to see that she was clad in a full body black leotard. She pulled a short black skirt from her bag and stepped into it, then, with practiced movements, brought her hair into a bun on top of her head.

A CD player sat in one corner and Ziva turned it on quietly. She sat down, tied on a pair of pink ballet slippers that had also come from her bag and stretched long and gracefully, over and over, before moving to the bar in front of a wall of mirrors to do plies. Finally she was warmed up. Now Ziva turned the music up loud and Tony could tell is was something classical. She went through the basic positions and then she was ready.

Forgetting Tony, forgetting the news, forgetting everything from the past seventy-two hours, Ziva closed her eyes and began to move to the music, which grew and built around her until it blocked out everything else. Slowly, then faster, as her body remembered the steps.

"Attitude, attitude," her old ballet teacher's voice rang in her head, so Ziva stood up on her toes and curved her other leg out behind her.

Body supported on one leg, with the other extended back, knee straight - arabesque. En pointe - Ziva went up on the tips of her toes and reached up towards the ceiling. She did several fouetté en tournant in a row - up on her toes, down to flat footed, spinning around. What looked to Tony like a incredible jump was in Ziva's mind a grand jeté.

With long, elegant movements she swept across the floor, almost as if she was floating. Chasse - a measured slide, deboulé chaine - complicated half turns from one leg to the next, a slow elevé that Ziva rising from flat footed onto her toes, and then almost immediately she moved into a series of pirouettes.

A tendue in which she gracefully extended one foot out and stretched one arm towards the floor, the other curving towards the vaulted ceiling. Pas de valse was a solo version of the waltz step as Ziva traveled across the floor. If Tony had the nerve to interrupt or thought she might've noticed, he would've tried to be her partner for that dance. But he didn't want to miss a moment of what he was seeing.

In those sacred, remembered moments, it was all about Ziva and how dancing connected to her heart, to her soul and made her feel alive. She smiled as she moved in a way she hadn't done in more than ten years. This was her passion, the thing that had brought happiness and joy to her young life, how she had missed it!

Tony watched in awe as his partner expressed everything she'd been feeling in rhythm and movement. Ziva spoke with her dancing, showed him everything she could not tell him. What he was watching was so breath-taking that he almost didn't notice the scar that peeked out from the neckline of her leotard to lick at her collarbone.

The sight made his blood run cold and Tony had to close his eyes and take a breath before he could look at her again. Even then, he had to be careful not to let his gaze fall back to that spot. Her scars were a minefield of memories still and Tony knew better than that ask that she share the stories just yet. One wrong step and they both might lose something precious. It was not a gamble he was willing to make. Someday yes, but not now.

He drank in every second he was allowed to glimpse inside her heart, knowing that it was not likely to happen again anytime soon. It was a moment of weakness, and it almost made him cry because he hated seeing her so vulnerable, even if it gave him what he wanted. Yes, he'd asked to see her dance, but Tony had never expected it to be like this, her soul laid bare for him to find. It was like he was discovering the woman she was inside, under all the Mossad, ninja, super woman stuff, for the very first time.

Ziva kept on until her legs trembled, until her breath came in painful gasps, until her posture collapsed and she could no longer hold her head up or arms out, until her knees buckled while tears poured down her cheeks, and sweat dripped from her whole body. When she crumpled to the floor, Tony went in and gathered Ziva into his arms, sweat and tears and all.

Rocking her gently, he closed his eyes and whispered. "You are so beautiful Ziva. I have never seen anything that made me feel like that. Thank you for letting me see you."

Exhausted, Ziva leaned against Tony's chest and felt the bond between them thicken by one more strand. They were joined, tied, and at that moment, Ziva would not have let anything in the world sever their connection. No matter what argument she tried, she could not do anything to convince her heart that Tony would be better off with someone else, despite what she'd been thinking the other night. It was obvious in every moment where she could not be strong and he could not pretend anymore - Ziva needed him and it seemed that Tony needed her. But where on earth did they go from here?

**NCIS**

The hour was late and morning would come early, but they didn't have to work and Tony didn't care. He could sit on the couch with Ziva forever, her nearness warming his heart and a movie playing in the background. Out of habit he was holding her hand, brushing one finger back and forth over her knuckles, so completely grateful that after dancing she seemed to be aware again, let out of the silent place she'd been trapped in since morning.

It had been a long night. When they returned from the studio, Ziva had gone straight to the bathroom to soak in a tub full of bubbles and hot water. Tony took advantage of the time alone to think about what he'd seen and felt today. It was like a wave crashing over him, threatening to steal his breath and drag him out to sea. He was still falling, like he'd told Abby, but now it was more and deeper every day, sometimes with every hour that passed.

Processing something like that needed more than just a few minutes and he wished he'd thought to bring his laptop, because tonight would be a good time to write another letter. He could think more clearly when he was staring at words on paper. But in the middle of his introspection, Gibbs called.

"DiNozzo, how is she?" _Never one for small talk_, the senior field agent thought wryly.

Tony sighed, not even bothering to ask how the man knew where he was. "She was pretty out of it today, but she got a chance to burn off some of the stress so I think she's better now." He stopped at the basics, wary of how much to share. But then again, maybe Gibbs would be able to help. "It's hard to watch her like this Boss," Tony admitted finally, after a length of silence.

"Always hard when the one you love is hurting and you can't do jack to fix it," Gibbs said from experience. "Give her time Tony, she'll come around."

"You sure?" Tony managed, needing something that was set in stone, one thing that couldn't be changed out of a while life that seemed so often to be built on sand.

Gibbs took his time answering. "You're there, aren't you? She's already let you in DiNozzo, now you need to figure out what to do with that trust."

Tony hadn't thought about it like that. In his despair about how far they had yet to go before he could love her openly, he'd failed to realize just how far they'd come in just three months. It was sigh of relief this time. "Thank you Boss."

"She's your partner Tony, there's no one who knows her better than you." Then with a click he hung up and Tony knew he'd probably never hear that kind of encouragement again, but that he'd remember it forever.

When Ziva came out of the bathroom wearing blue flannel pyjamas with fluffy white clouds on them, Tony nearly choked on his coffee. He'd never expected the ninja to own something so...girly. But aware that laughing might end with him on the floor or in some kind of pain, Tony swallowed his amusement and handed her a mug of tea.

He'd picked something light to watch, they hardly needed more drama even if it was just on screen. Tony and Ziva watched stupid-funny movies, as Abby had dubbed them, like _Airplane_, _Naked Gun_, _Major Payne_, _Master of Disguise_, and _Austin Powers_, until even Tony had enough. But as long as there was even a glimmer of a smile on Ziva's face, he'd watch anything.

And that's where they were now at three in the morning, almost cuddled together on the couch, trying to wipe all cares away. Slowly the credits on the last movie rolled by and finally Tony shut the TV off. After that neither moved as several more minutes ticked by.

Finally he turned to her, tucking back of piece of dark hair. "Can we have just one more night Zi?" he asked quietly. "One night where we forget my issues and your issues and everything that's ever kept us apart and just fall asleep together like that's the way it should be?"

Whatever Tony expected as her response, it wasn't the gentle shove to his shoulder that had him easing onto his back and stretching out for the length of the couch. As if she'd always done things this way, Ziva lay down beside him, fitting her body against his with minimal hesitation, her head pillowed on his shoulder and her left hand resting directly over his heart.

Once they'd both shifted to be comfortable, Tony pulled the blanket over them and then he just tried to relax. But with Ziva that close it wasn't easy and he swallowed hard before turning to meet her eyes. Chocolate brown irises stared back at him, unguarded for once, allowing him access to her heart, to everything she might always be afraid to tell him.

The emotion coming off Tony was so raw, so intense that Ziva could almost see it. So when he bent his head slightly and moved a fraction of an inch closer, she raised her face and let him kiss her, almost as if it was instinct. Tony's lips were firm but soft, passionate but gentle, experienced but holding back - a study in contrasts, much like the man they belonged to. Ziva wondered fleetingly if Tony's lips spoke the truth like her dancing, honestly and deeply, because the words couldn't be spoken out loud.

Even as she allowed herself the forbidden pleasure of lightly kissing him back, she couldn't help but be impressed by his restraint. His trapped arm stayed tight around her back, his other hand resting on her hip but never wandering or doing any more than keeping her close. Still, Ziva could feel the desperation in Tony's kiss and in the end that was what made her pull away.

Shock and delight warred in Tony's gaze when she looked at him and Ziva could tell he wasn't sure if he should apologize or bask in the wonder of it. Finally Tony's hand came up to brush her cheek. "Ziva," he whispered and she placed her finger over his lips to forestall whatever he was planning to say or do next. With growing conviction she shook her head slowly and pushed him back gently.

"If you kiss me again Tony, you will not be able to stop and I cannot..." Tears filled her voice as the feelings and fight inside all became too much. "Please," Ziva begged, "let us go to sleep." She couldn't bear his brand of comfort much longer before he broke down her barriers completely. Then she would be left with nothing, and that wouldn't do. Tony or no Tony, Ziva alone was responsible for protecting herself and her baby from now on.

Tony's thumb stroked her forehead and his hand slid into her hair. He closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them, she saw firm resolve there. "I will never ask for more than you can give Ziva," he said carefully, willing her to believe him when no man had respected her that way since long before Somalia. "I will never push you to let me do more, but I'm begging you now, please don't push me away again. I can't..." he broke off, clenching his jaw to get control. "I can't keep doing this back and forth thing anymore. My heart," he sighed, "it's not as invincible as it looks."

Ziva's eyes were wide, a mixture of fear and regret. "I do not want to hurt you Tony."

Tony's head dropped, falling to her shoulder. "Then let me in Ziva. I just want to be whatever you need."

She hugged him then, cradling his head against her like a small child in need of comfort. It occurred to Ziva in that moment that perhaps simply this closeness was what Tony needed from her. They held one another like that, tight and needy, until the sleep easing over them forced their bodies to relax. They drew everything they needed from each other that night, and said more in the quiet hush of Ziva's livingroom than they ever could have even if they'd used a thousand words.

Despite their slackened muscles, Ziva never left the circle of Tony's arms, and eventually moved to rest with her cheek against his chest, feeling the soothing rhythm of his heartbeat on her skin. She was glad Tony had not tried, or asked, to share her bed.

It was too small, too intimate, not the same as the king sized bed in Tony's large room where nothing had felt too close those last few nights she'd stayed. Here on the couch though, sharing a single blanket and no pillow, it felt right somehow and Ziva was lulled to sleep by the possibility of all Tony was offering to be. She just didn't know if she was strong enough to give in.

And Tony, well, he dreamed the same dream that had beautifully haunted his sleep for two months. A dream where Ziva said yes, and even if he never got to touch her or share the passion and pleasure of making love, something he used to think was the most important thing in a relationship, it didn't matter because he had her. It had taken him almost too long to realize that Ziva was all he wanted. Damaged, broken, and still suffering from a lifetime that had used her badly - that part he didn't care about. She was alive, she was here, and she was with him. And that was all he needed.


	7. Chapter 7

Tony tried to keep Sunday casual, as if they woke up together all the time and sleeping until noon was a regular thing. He devoted the entire day to entertaining Ziva and catering to her every whim. Even before breakfast, which by the time they got to it would be even later than brunch, she wanted to go swimming. Without a word of argument, Tony grabbed his keys and they were on their way. He lost eleven games of Tetris to his phone before turning it off and only looked away from Ziva when his partner stopped to check on him.

He took her to the diner after, trying to keep things normal. But even Helen noticed that something was different and fussed over them like a mother hen. It was sweet, though neither Tony nor Ziva was comfortable spilling their deepest secrets to a woman who, while nice enough, was essentially still a stranger.

Back to Ziva's place to get cleaned up and changed, and then they played cards for hours, forwent actual cooking and settled for Kraft Dinner instead, and finally made it to the end of the day without incident. Somehow, by the way Ziva was acting as she helped him make up the couch, he knew this was the last time she'd let him stay the night. In the same way he knew she would not sleep beside him again. He'd asked for one night and now it was over.

Before she left to go to her room, Tony pulled her close and hugged her. It was the most contact they'd had since that morning. Just as quickly he released her, kissed her forehead and smiled. He wanted to say 'I love you', but settled for, "Thank you Ziva," knowing she would understand why.

She nodded and slowly backed away. It took more than just shedding her robe and climbing into bed alone to erase the feel of Tony's arms around her. Almost against her will Ziva thought about how easy and comfortable it had been to have Tony around the past three days. It was unnerving how seamlessly they managed to fit into each other's lives - first when she was staying with him and now this glimpse of what it was like for him to be here with her.

As much as Ziva tried to deny it, the past few days had almost been...normal and she knew without a doubt that she could not afford to get too attached to it. Her heart was trying so hard to fight to the surface, insisting on an unhelpful belief in her right to be happy, and Ziva was fast running out of the strength and conviction required to resist much longer. How long could she hold out? Only time would tell.

**NCIS**

0728 on Monday morning and Gibbs was sitting across the table from Special Agent Matt Collins, a decently experienced agent in his thirties who'd grown up on the west coast and recently decided to give east coast living a try. He'd shown up early, hoping to make some points with the man who might become his boss for the better part of a year, but Gibbs wasn't prepared to like him yet.

"Why DC?" Gibbs asked finally.

Matt shrugged. "Change of scenery, try something new."

"Big change," Gibbs commented, trying to get a read on him.

"I like it here," Matt replied easily.

Gibbs stared and when the younger man didn't flinch, decided to get down to business. "I'm Team Leader of the Major Crime Response Team. My agents work long hours and they don't leave until the job is done. There's no slacking, no back-talk, no disobeying orders and you pull your own weight. Any questions?"

Matt chuckled. "I guess the stories are true."

Gibbs' look became a glare. "Stories?"

"You're a bit of a legend Agent Gibbs," Matt smiled, "and I'm honoured to have the chance to work with you. I'll do my best, I learn quick and I'm up for a challenge." He held out his hand. "I'll work hard for you."

"No," Gibbs said quickly, "you work hard for you."

Respect seeped into Matt's gaze. "I will."

Nodding, Gibbs stood and accepted the handshake. "You'll do. But keep in mind, this is a maternity leave position only. Agent David is pregnant, that's why you're here. So when she's ready to come back..."

Matt understood. "I find somewhere else to belong. Got it."

Gibbs started to leave and flicked his finger. "With me."

Catching on quick, Matt followed his new boss down to the bullpen.

**NCIS**

While Gibbs was running his unusual interview, Tony and Ziva were in the elevator, waiting for Ziva to be ready to share her news with her co-workers. After a few minutes she squared her shoulders and nodded. "Alright." Tony flipped the switch and the doors opened at Abby's lab.

From the doorway Tony and Ziva could see Abby and McGee standing close together beside her computer. Abby was looking up at McGee adoringly as he stroked her face and whispered something to her. What Tony wouldn't've given to be able to read lips in that moment. But instead he cleared his throat, grinning when they jumped apart, guilt colouring their expressions. Tony chuckled.

"Relax McCouple, we've known for awhile that you two are together."

McGee leaned against the desk with his hands in his pocket, smiling casually. "That obvious, huh?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "Yeah, because you guys tried so hard to hide it."

Abby's gaze flickered to Ziva' s face, seeing something she didn't like. "So, what brings you guys down here before we even have a case? Not that I don't like the company, I just..." she turned concerned eyes to Tony, "...feel like something's up."

Tony immediately sobered and moved to stand behind Ziva and a little to her left. She drew her strength from him and made eye contact with Abby first, then McGee. "I do not know a good way to say this, but I thought you should know." Ziva swallowed. "I am pregnant. It is from Somalia. I have decided to keep the baby but," she looked specifically at Abby, "please do not ask me to talk about it any more right now."

Shock was mirrored on both of her friends' faces and Abby instinctively moved towards the other woman to offer an embrace, then hesitated. Uncertain because of Ziva's demeanor, she bit her lip and decided for once to ask permission. "Can I hug you Ziva?"

The Israeli's expression softened and she held out her arms to her friend. She'd gotten so much better at accepting friendly physical touches from friends over the last month and Tony was very proud of her. "I would like that."

As the women embraced, Tony and McGee locked eyes. Tony, while not pleased to see the anguish his friend felt knowing what had been done to the woman who was like his sister, was glad now to have someone else to share the burden with.

When Abby released her, Tim also stepped forward to wrap Ziva in a comforting embrace. He whispered something that looked like, 'I'm sorry' but Ziva shook her head. No one else needed to feel guilty about this. Still, it was rather impossible for Tony not to wish they'd gotten to her sooner. After the last few days the niggling thought at the back of his mind was that, if not for Somalia and Michael and everything else, this could be their child, his child that she carried.

But Tony shook off the hurt and smiled tightly at Abby and McGee before following Ziva out. McGee watched Tony's hand fall to rest on the small of Ziva's back as if it were the most natural thing in the world and wondered if somehow, this was going to be their chance.

As soon as the elevator doors slid closed, the brave face Abby had put on for Ziva crumbled and she turned into McGee's chest and cried at the unfairness of it all. McGee didn't know what to say, so he just held her close, rubbing one hand up and down her back slowly.

Abby's words were muffled against his jacket and Tim was fleetingly glad he'd worn a dark shirt today, because her make up wouldn't survive this fit of grief. "I didn't want to know," she said quietly. "I thought I did, when Ziva first got back, but I didn't really want to know what they did to her."

McGee felt the same way. "I know Abbs." Just the thought of what Ziva had suffered through caused him to tighten his grip on his own precious wife. If anything like that ever happened to her...

Abby felt the difference in his touch and pulled away just enough to look into her husband's eyes. "I'm okay Tim." She didn't mean emotionally, because this was a blow she wasn't prepared for, but she could tell he was seeing her in Ziva's place. "Don't," she whispered, hugging him gently, "don't do that to yourself."

Tim heaved a heavy sigh, not even slightly relinquishing his hold. "I love you Abby."

She nodded against his neck. "I know. What are we going to do?"

McGee kissed Abby's temple, unwilling to let her go just yet. "We'll be there for her. We'll do everything we can to help however she'll let us. Ziva needs to know we care."

"And that we're family," Abby said firmly. "She'll have so much support she won't know what to do with it." She thought for a minute and chewed on her lip as she glanced at the empty doorway. "Do you think Ziva will ever let Tony love her?"

Tim shook his head slowly. "I don't know, but I guess we're about to find out."

**NCIS**

Everyone had just gathered back in the squadroom when Gibbs came down the stairs followed by his new agent. Three sets of eyes stared at him curiously. Gibbs gave them all a cursory glance. "This is Agents Ziva David, Timothy McGee, and Tony DiNozzo," he said, pointing at each of them in turn. "Team, meet Special Agent Matt Collins. He'll be joining us until Ziva is able to return to her position full-time."

As he said the words, it occurred to Gibbs that he didn't know if Ziva had told the others. He turned swiftly towards her, apology in his eyes, but Ziva understood and shook her head. By a glance at McGee, Gibbs could tell he hadn't taken the news well. Abby must be a mess too, judging from the faint mascara stains on his shirt.

Gibbs sighed. He wasn't sure he could be strong enough for all of them right now. So he'd let Tony take care of Ziva because he was going to whether she wanted it or not. And McGee could be Abby's shoulder to lean on since he would be there all night anyways. Then Gibbs could be the one who was there if any of them needed extra support. They all knew the way to his basement.

Matt, eager to make a good impression, went to Ziva's desk first. "Hello Agent David, I'm pleased to meet you."

Ziva dipped her head, offering him the most gracious smile she could manage. "And I you."

He stared at her for a second. "I look forward to working with you, though I understand your shoes will be very hard to fill, even if only temporarily."

Ziva's expression became more genuine. "Thank you."

Matt turned to Tony next. "Agent DiNozzo."

Tony regarded him seriously for a moment before breaking into a grin and offering his hand. "That's Very Special Agent DiNozzo to you, newbie. I'm Senior Field Agent and you're..." he stopped, his eyes flickering to McGee. Then they lit up. "You're 'Assistant Probie'. It's taken me years to train that one, so pay attention and learn fast."

Accepting the fact that he was in for some serious hazing, Matt merely nodded and shook hands with McGee. "Good to meet you Matt," Tim said warmly and Matt knew this man would be his most likely ally in the days to come.

Turning back to Gibbs, Matt found himself pointed towards one of the cubicle desks separated from the others by a partition. "Sit," he ordered and Matt obeyed. It was going to be a long morning.

**NCIS**

By 11 am Matt had been sent on a coffee run, introduced to the lab and the fascinating personality of Abby Scuito, forensic specialist extraordinare, taken down to Autopsy where, to Tony's disappointment, he didn't get sick while observing a days old body being subjected to a thorough examination.

When he wasn't acquainting himself with the building and its people, Matt sat at his desk, doing his best to personalize it. Gibbs eventually got bored of looking at him and dropped a pile of folders on his desk, growling at him to read through and familiarize himself with them and then alphabetize the cases by victim's name.

The team worked on backlogged reports until lunch, when Gibbs approved a break. Matt immediately disappeared, to where no one was sure. Ziva headed down to the lab to see if Abby wanted to join her for the meal, and Tim and Tony left to get coffee, the shared weight of knowing what Ziva suffered and the guilt for not arriving soon enough to stop it bringing them even closer.

Before Ziva got to the lab however, she ran into Ducky. The older man smiled. "Ziva, how fortunate, I was just coming to see you."

She stopped, eyeing him apprehensively. "Why?"

Compassion filled his face. "It's been two days, have you changed your mind about what you want to do?"

It took her a moment to catch his meaning and then she shook her head slowly. "No. I am still going to keep my baby."

He nodded. "Good. I thought as much." Handing her a card, Ducky explained. "I think it would be best if you saw a doctor Ziva. We can't tell from a blood test how far along you are and I want to make sure your baby is healthy. An ultrasound will take care of that."

"I took the liberty of booking you an appointment with an acquaintance of mine for this afternoon," Ducky continued. "Her name is Dr. Amanda Meyers and she's an OB/GYN. She's a wonderful woman who can help you with everything you need to know. Amanda will be able to answer all your questions and let you know what to expect."

Ziva stared down at the card, not sure what to say. "Thank you Ducky. I will...let Gibbs know."

Ducky smiled. "You're surrounded by friends and people who care about you Ziva, let us help."

Without a word Ziva turned and walked away. A doctor's appointment would make the news real, an ultrasound would show her a picture of the child she carried and all of a sudden, things would change. The only question was if she was ready.


	8. Chapter 8

When the elevator had been shut down for nearly half an hour, Tony began getting worried. He'd tried texting Ziva several times and received no response. A call down to Abby confirmed that Ziva had never made it to the lab. And only the members of Team Gibbs abused the elevator for use as office space.

Tony's fear that Ziva was still stuck in the elevator, alone with her thoughts, which he knew could be dangerous and deceitful, made him unable to concentrate on work, so for the moment Gibbs was content to let him pace from the bullpen to the back elevator until something else came up.

In the dark elevator Ziva was sitting in one corner, her head in her hands, soft curls falling over her fingers. After returning from Somalia she had not been very fond of small, closed spaces, but now it seemed the metal box could be her safe haven at work, a place to hide from watchful eyes and all those who wanted to help.

She sighed, curling in on herself even more, feeling the weight of a life unaware dragging her down. What she wanted right now was Tony, because he would hold her and listen even if she had nothing to say and help her feel that making it through the next step was possible.

But Ziva was so tired of depending on people. She'd been doing it for months - depending on her captors for a break from the pain, for food, for water, sometimes for clothing. Depending on the team for a place to stay, depending on Tony to make her feel safe, depending on Gibbs to become the father she so desperately needed.

All her life it had been drilled into her that needing anyone else was a weakness she could never afford and the nagging question that wouldn't let her rest was whether she wanted Tony now because he was her best friend, or if she wanted him like they'd been for three days - so much closer to a shadow of something more.

Groaning in frustration, Ziva muttered a prayer in Hebrew. She was at the end of, not what she could handle alone, but what she wanted to handle alone. Wrapping her arms around her knees, Ziva let her head rest on them and took several deep breaths, blowing them out slowly.

Too much of everything was swirling around in her head and it was time to focus. She closed her eyes and suddenly the answer was clear to her. She was ready. He had been there every step of the way and even when she first joined the team and they were always at each other's throats, something about him had drawn her.

In that moment Ziva finally let go of all her fears and doubts and let her heart be heard. The question that came up was this - she had this amazing, wonderful, patient man waiting in the wings, willing to love her, to be everything she needed, so why was she fighting it? Unable to come up with an answer that didn't sound like an excuse, Ziva wondered if that meant it was time to say yes.

**NCIS**

Tony hurried over to the elevator when the doors slid open. He stopped just short of Ziva, wanting to touch her but needing to know her state of mind first, for both their sakes. "Are you okay Zi?" He checked his watch. "You were in there a long time."

Ziva blinked once and nodded. "I needed to think," she responded quietly, still trying to deal with the questions her heart had posed. She met his eyes. "Ducky made me a doctor's appointment for this afternoon."

"I'm co-" Tony stopped himself, swallowing, and looked away for a moment. Then he tried again. "I'd like to come with you, if that's alright." He was not going to push and though he ached for some form of contact, even holding her hand, Tony wanted some sign that she would be okay with it before he tried.

Ziva looked at him, her eyes clear and settled, as if she'd made a decision. "I can do this without you Tony."

His heart dropped and he wanted to beg her please not to do this again, not after everything they'd been through together, after she'd left him with a promise and had been willing to let him in. He didn't want her to say something that would kill everything he'd hoped for. But before Tony could make his words work, Ziva took a breath.

"I can do this without you," she repeated and Tony felt every word like a blow, "but..." Ziva looked down, then made eye contact again, "I would like it if you were there with me."

Tony's shoulders sagged in relief. "Great. Now we just have to get it past Gibbs."

Ziva smiled slightly and fell into step beside him, her hand brushing against his as they walked. For the first time in days he felt like he could breathe. Maybe they'd finally taken a small step in the right direction.

**NCIS**

Back in the squadroom, Tony stopped in front of Gibbs' desk. "Boss, Ziva has-"

"An appointment, I know," Gibbs cut him off. "Ducky called."

"Okay, well, I want to go," he stated firmly.

Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "Do you now? Why's that?"

Taken aback by the question and Gibbs' demeanor, Tony stared into the steely blue eyes. "She's my partner. It's my job to have her back."

Right on cue, Gibbs glared. "See that you do," he said gruffly, waving them off. "Get something to eat first."

Tony grinned. "On it Boss." He snagged his backpack and waited for Ziva.

Gibbs stared after the pair as they left. From the way Tony was acting, one would almost think he was the dad. The thought stopped Gibbs short. Suddenly the idea didn't seem as foreign or absurd as it would've a year or even six months ago. Losing Ziva had forced Tony to grow up. But getting her back had made him into the man Gibbs always knew he was capable of being. Now it seemed that anything was possible.

**NCIS**

After Tony and Ziva stepped inside the elevator, Matt scooted his chair around the partition and up to McGee's desk. "How long have David and DiNozzo been married?"

Tim turned startled eyes to the newest member of the team. "Married? Matt, Tony and Ziva are partners, they're not together."

"Are you kidding me?" Matt asked incredulously. "They don't even have to talk and they already know what the other one is going to do!" he protested, having seen several non-conversation between the two since he started that morning.

McGee gave him a look that said there was a lot he didn't know. Confusion wrinkled Matt's brow. "But he's the father of her baby, isn't he?"

McGee's gaze grew stony. "He's not," he returned bluntly, "but the rest of that story is need to know, so don't ask any more questions because you don't need to know."

Matt backed off, seeing that it was a sore subject, and held up his hands in surrender. "Whoa, sorry man, didn't mean to step on any toes."

Tim sighed and relaxed. "Forget about it." He cocked his head to the side and did his impression of Gibbs' stare. "I mean that. Forget. It."

Silence reigned for several moments before Matt dared to voice his thoughts again. "She must've really been through something."

McGee rolled his eyes. The new guy was not getting it. "Yeah, why do you say that?"

Matt shrugged. "Tony, he's...really careful of her, y'know? And if they're just partners...?"

"Partners means something special here," Tim conceded. "And they've been best friends for six years."

"Ziva must be pretty special," Matt said admiringly. "You guys have a lot of loyalty for her."

McGee's expression turned serious as he stared at Ziva's desk. "We know what it's like to be without her, so we don't take it for granted any more." Then he shook himself and pointed to Matt's desk. "You better get back to those case files, 'Assistant Probie'," he said, using Tony's nickname for the man.

"Yeah, sure," Matt complied and wheeled himself back to his corner, taking one last look around the room, thinking about what he'd learned just by observing. He had the feeling he'd gotten a spot on one of the best teams there were and Matt knew he'd have to work extra hard to deserve the chair he would be filling in a couple months. These people were more like family than co-workers. It didn't look like anything could break them apart.

**NCIS**

Ziva sat in the waiting room, tapping her finger anxiously on her knee as she waited for her name to be called.

"Ms. David?" The nurse called.

Ziva pressed her lips together in annoyance and Tony stood with her. "Dah-veed," he corrected from long habit.

"I'm sorry," the woman smiled. "Please, follow me." She led them down a hallway lined with doors and finally opened the one marked Exam Room #5. "The doctor will be with you shortly."

Tony sat down but Ziva was too full of nervous energy and paced the length of the room twice before complaining about the size.

"Why do they make these rooms so small?"

Sensing the question was actually rhetorical, Tony watched her but said nothing. He was thankful when the door opened a minute later and a pleasant looking lady with light brown hair in a ponytail came in.

"Hello," she smiled. "I'm Dr. Amanda Meyers but please, call me Mandy. And you're Ziva?" The doctor checked her notes. "Am I saying that right?" Ziva nodded and Mandy's gaze fell on Tony. "I'm sorry, Dr. Mallard didn't mention that anyone else was coming. You are?"

Tony moved to stand beside Ziva. "Tony DiNozzo, her partner at work."

Mandy frowned and made eye contact with Ziva. "Is he-"

Before she could ask if Tony was the baby's father, Ziva shook her head tightly. "No. But he is my best friend."

"Alright," Mandy jotted the information on her clipboard. "Let's get started, shall we?" She smiled brightly at Ziva. "I'm just going to ask you to unzip your pants and pull them down a little before you lie down Ziva, and if you could roll your shirt up to your ribs that should give me enough room to work with."

Heat flooded Ziva's cheeks and she couldn't look at Tony. But he understood and cleared his throat. "Y'know, if this is going to take awhile I better run to the little boy's room. Be right back."

Ziva felt relief when he left and followed the doctor's instructions before she lay down on the table. Mandy watched her carefully, being sure to hide her reaction to the scars criss-crossing her patient's abdomen. "Are you sure you want him in the room? I can ask him to wait outside."

"No, it is alright," Ziva assured the doctor. She did not want to be alone for this.

A double knock sounded on the door before Tony poked his head in, focusing only on Ziva's eyes and nothing else. "Okay?" She nodded and he pulled the chair over to the head of the bed, barely able to stop himself from reaching for her hand.

Tony kept his eyes fixed on the screen as Dr. Meyers squeezed a thick, clear gel onto Ziva's stomach and pulled out the hand held transducer attached to the ultrasound machine. She set the curved end on Ziva's skin and immediately a blurry, black and white picture filled the screen.

Mandy smiled when she found what she was looking for. "There she is," she said quietly, "that's your baby Ziva."

Ziva's eyes were glued to the small, human shaped silhouette in a black void, surrounded by the kind of fuzz one saw on TV channel that was getting interference. The doctor began pointing out features. "There's the head, arm, legs. She has all her fingers and toes and that thing there that looks like a string of pearls? That's her spine."

As Ziva and Tony stared at the little life growing inside her, Dr. Meyers did some measurements and calculations on the image. "You're just over sixteen weeks Ziva," she announced after a few minutes.

The reality that hit then was enough to tear Ziva's eyes from the image on the screen and she couldn't stop herself from counting back. It had happened in her last month of captivity. By then there had been no more interrogations and fewer beatings. They'd only come to her to have some "fun."

Tony could see something in her eyes before she closed them and he took her hand, holding it tightly, unwilling to imagine what she might be thinking. Ziva clung to his hand, glad this time for his touch. Thankfulness welled up inside her that she hadn't miscarried this precious child with all that had still been done to her after she'd become pregnant. Somehow her baby had to classify as a miracle.

Unaware of the circumstances of conception but still able to pick up on something under the surface, Mandy smiled at them. "Would you like to hear the heartbeat?"

Ziva's eyes widened and she nodded a little uncertainly. The doctor clicked a button, turned the speakers up and a quick whooshing, like the beat of hummingbird wings, filled the little room. Ziva listened in astonishment and maybe it was just the hormones, but she had to blink back tears as her heart suddenly swelled with love for her baby.

One still did escape when she saw the look of pure awe on her partner's face and squeezed his hand, understanding. This child was definitely a miracle. Ziv knew she'd never seen anything so amazing as the tiny perfect human being sleeping safe and sound in her womb.

**NCIS**

Several hours later and after getting away from a reluctant Tony by assuring him she'd see him at work and for dinner tomorrow, Ziva was again standing outside of Ops, dreading that now she would have to leave one of the only places that had made her feel confident and powerful again after Somalia.

Stepping inside, she smiled at Duke, who'd parked himself at the front desk to await her arrival. He wanted to know what the heck was going on. Someone with Ziva's determination and dedication did not just miss training for no reason. Crossing his arms, he waited.

"Hello Duke," she said softly.

"Ziva." He eyed her, trying to figure out what had changed, because it was obvious that something was different. "What happened Friday?"

She rolled her eyes. "No little talk first?"

Duke had gotten used to the way she mis-spoke certain phrases, he'd just learned to ignore it. He knew what she meant. "Spit it out David."

Ziva sighed. "I can no longer train here."

Duke frowned. "One of the guys say something?" There were good men that came to his club, but even good guys could be jerks sometimes. And if they had, he'd probably knock their heads together because this one woman was better than more than half of them put together.

She shook her head. "No, it is nothing like that." Ziva fixed her gaze over his shoulder instead of on his face. "I am pregnant and I do not wish to do anything that might cause harm. I have been lucky so far."

Duke pinched the bridge of his nose and blew out a hard breath. He should've known by the way she never let anyone get close. It was in the guarded, wary look in her eyes whenever someone approached her, how she shifted subtly to avoid contact. He'd noticed how she tried to hide the flinch even when he touched her shoulder, but Duke had just shrugged it off as having to do with her Mossad training, not wanting to consider the other possibilities.

Finally he met her eyes. "When?"

The question could've been considered prying, but over six weeks of intense training Duke had become her friend and Ziva knew he was putting the pieces together. "August," she answered after a moment.

"I'm sorry," Duke said, not knowing what else to say. What words were there for something like that?

Ziva stared at him pointedly. "Never apologize. It is-"

"A sign of weakness, I know." He'd heard the rules quoted an awful lot since they met, but there were some Duke couldn't agree with. Then he shook his head. "Ziva, you've worked so hard to get back, you can't just quit now."

Her eyes widened, a fierce protectiveness burning in them. "I will not take the risk of-"

Duke cut her off, holding up one hand. "Hear me out. I've been doing this for a long time Ziva. I'm one hundred percent positive I can design a program for you that will be safe for both you and your baby. You know I would never endanger either of you."

Hope sprang into Ziva's face. "Really?"

He smiled. "Really." Duke jerked his head. "Come back to the office with me and we'll talk. I can say for certain that there's be no more sparing and wounding my guys' egos, but other than that the sky's the limit."

If she had been anyone else, Ziva might've hugged him. Instead she just breathed a sigh of relief knowing she wouldn't have to give up something she enjoyed and would still have an outlet for her healing. "Thank you."

Duke grinned. "You're worth it David. Now let's get to work."

**NCIS**

When Ziva had left to go to the bathroom half an hour after they returned from her doctor's appointment, Tony did something that would definitely be considered an invasion of privacy, at the very least. He walked casually to her desk, bent down as if he'd dropped something and reached into Ziva's bag to retrieve the black and white ultrasound picture Dr. Meyers had given her.

Then Tony rushed to the copy room, scanned the image, and managed to return the original hours later when he handed Ziva her bag as they were getting ready to leave. So now she'd disappeared to wherever she went three nights a week that she wouldn't tell him about and Tony sat at home on his couch, staring at the sixteen week old baby in the hard to decipher photograph.

Using just his pointer finger, Tony traced the outline of the baby's head and spine, the little arm and leg visible from the position of the shot. Something about seeing Ziva's baby on paper tugged at Tony and he felt a deep desire to protect this child.

It was strange really, because he'd never cared about kids before, never thought about them unless it was to worry that he'd gotten a previous girlfriend pregnant. He didn't get along with them very well and he'd never even wanted kids, to be honest. Though he remembered the comment he'd made to Tim after the radioactive car incident. If he thought his kids had a chance of being beautiful, his and Ziva's kids would be breathtaking. But that was another time, a different guy who had said that stuff. So why was this one so special all of a sudden?

The answer was that this baby was part of Ziva. He could already imagine a little pink bundle, skin the same tone as his partner's and dark curly ringlets covering a tiny head. Tony's heart swelled at the thought and he wondered how they'd gotten to this point, where everything about each other was so a part of them that there was no getting away from it. He didn't even want to.

Tony couldn't take his eyes off the picture. So innocent, so perfect, so new, this little life. It didn't deserve the way it had been conceived, but he had no doubt Ziva would be able to love her child enough to make up for the darkness of its beginning. And after the way she acted today, he wondered if one day Ziva might just let him have a role in their lives.


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: This is just a head's up guys - Friday's chapter will probably be the last chapter for a week (I know, I'm sorry, please don't hate me!) because I still have to work out some of the kinks in the last few chapters. And so y'all are warned, TMA is about half the length of TWL. When the story is over around the end of the month, I'll be taking another hiatus before I can start posting the fourth story, Six Months Home, near or slightly before the beginning of December._

_Also, a huge thank you to everyone who is leaving such nice reviews, I'm so thrilled that people are taking the time to do that, and I love when people share their favourite lines/parts of the chapter. Special thanks goes out to my French reviewer, Lou, who amazes me at being able to read and give feedback in a different language, and also to the reviewers who don't sign in or review anonymously. I love reading each one of your comments and I always wish I could respond. Thank you! You guys rock! :D ~Aliyah_

Gibbs had been working on his boat for an hour before he heard soft, careful footsteps on the floor above. He'd thought she might want to talk tonight. A moment later the basement door creaked open a little further and Ziva walked slowly down the stairs, settling finally on the third step from the bottom.

As if he hadn't even seen her, Gibbs continued working, knowing she would tell him in her own time what was on her mind. He heard the crinkling of paper and glanced over to see her eyes fixed on something he hadn't seen in over twenty years. It was an ultrasound scan.

"It is real," she commented finally.

Gibbs set down his sanding block and made his way over to her. "Yup. That's about as real as it gets until they're here."

"Would you like to see?" Ziva held out the picture, sounding like a little girl showing her father artwork she'd painted at school, wanting him to be proud of her.

Gibbs took the small piece of paper in his big rough hands, smiling fondly at the image. "I always forget how small they are."

Ziva pressed her hand just below her belly button. "It is hard to believe there is really a life growing inside me. I do not think I have earned the right to be worthy of such a gift."

Gibbs sat on the step beside her and Ziva slid over to make room. "If you can say that now after everything that happened in Somalia Ziver, then your heart is much more forgiving than mine."

"I cannot keep death in my heart when there is a life growing under it," she said softly. The silence stretched out for several moments and Ziva caressed her baby's head with one finger. "He or she will be your grandchild you know...if you want."

Wrapping an arm around her, Gibbs pulled her close and felt Ziva lean her head on his shoulder. He kissed her hair, finding it hard to make the words sound strong. "That would be an honor for me Ziva."

Small shudders began rippling through her body and Ziva clutched at his shirt. "I am scared Gibbs. I do not know how to do this on my own. It has been so long since I had a mother, how am I supposed to be one?"

Gibbs chuckled. "You'll figure it out, just like everyone else does. But there's one thing you'll never have to worry about."

Ziva sniffed. "What?"

"Being alone," he said firmly. "We're family Ziva, there's not going to be a second of this journey where you are alone."

Warm wet drops soaked through his t-shirt and finally Ziva managed to speak. "I love you Abba."

Gibbs sighed. He had not heard someone say 'I love you Daddy' like that since the morning he said goodbye to Kelly for the last time. He held her tighter. "I love you too Ziva."

They sat there until he thought she was okay to drive. Then Gibbs hugged his daughter goodbye and told her to take care of herself, meaning it to the depths of his soul. He could not lose another one.

**NCIS**

Tim was kissing Abby as they made love that night, when he felt tears on her cheeks. Immediately he stilled, suddenly scared he'd hurt her somehow. "Abby?" he asked, brushing away the tears. "Baby, what's wrong?"

She opened her eyes, pain pooled in the clear green depths. Guilt pierce him, Tim started to move away, but Abby wrapped her arms and legs around his body, keeping him with her. "It's not you Timmy," she whispered. "It's my heart, not my body, that hurts."

Sensing she needed the closeness, McGee rested his weight on Abby again and stroked his fingers through her silky black hair, kissing her gently. "What Abbs?"

Abby sighed. "It's just, we do this because we want to, because we love each other and sex is a way to express that and enjoy being together. But Ziva-" her voice broke. "She was forced Timmy. Over and over again probably." She closed her eyes. "I feel so badly even thinking about it."

Tim didn't want those images in his head any more than Abby did. "I know honey. What she went through..." he sighed. "It's awful. It might be why she won't let Tony any closer than friend and it certainly explains why she couldn't stand being touched when she got back."

"I can't imagine what it must've been like." Abby's voice was quiet. Then the need to feel her husband overwhelmed her and she pulled Tim's lips back to hers. "Make love to me Tim," she whispered, so he did. Later Abby thought he had never been so gentle.

**NCIS**

Ziva walked into Dr. Andrew's office at ten am on Tuesday morning and her therapist's face immediately became concerned. "Uh oh, I haven't seen that look in awhile. What happened Ziva?"

Taking a seat, Ziva blew out a breath. "I am pregnant." She saw no reason to finesse the announcement, better just to get it out right away.

Devon's eyebrows rose. "Okay, that's a surprise." She frowned. "Is it your partner's? I can't think of anyone else you trust enough to get that close."

Ziva didn't know what to say. Why did everyone immediately assume that she was pregnant with Tony's baby? She felt like she was missing something. Ziva shook her head adamantly. "Tony is not the father. I am not ready for...that." She sighed and rubbed her temple wearily. "I believe I conceived near the middle of August."

Involuntarily, Devon sucked in her breath, deeply regretting her initial reaction. A doctor was never supposed to jump to conclusions. "Oh Ziva, I'm sorry. When did you find out?"

Ziva looked down at her fingers all twisted together. "Thursday," she replied softly.

"Are you okay?" The questions seemed incredibly out of place in the context of Ziva's last several months, but sometimes it was the best indicator of how she was doing.

"I am...torn," Ziva said finally. "I have decided to keep my baby, but I do not know what to think about how it came to be. I had no choice in the matter, I did not want to get pregnant from...them. Yet I already have given my heart over to loving this child in my womb." She looked at Devon with the weight of the world heavy in her eyes. "Why did you ask if it was Tony's?"

Devon tilted her head to one side, letting her change the subject from her feelings for now. There would be plenty of time to talk about everything else in the weeks that followed. "You've talked a lot about your partner over the last several weeks Ziva. Of anyone I know who is part of your life, Tony is the only one I can ever imagine you with. You trust him, he has become very important to you, and it seems that he cares for you a great deal."

"He deserves more," Ziva muttered, not meaning to say it out loud.

"Pardon?" Devon asked, not sure she heard right.

Ziva's gaze flickered to her doctor's face briefly. "He cares too much. Tony would like us to be more than partners, more than friends. He stayed at my apartment from the moment I told him the news until I would not let him come back after Sunday."

She looked away. "It is only when I share his space that I do not dream Devon. And when I have a nightmare and Tony is there, he knows what to do, how to get me back. He is happiest when he is allowed to touch me, or have me in his arms. If I did not tell him to leave, he would probably just stay there as if he belonged."

"You let him hold you?" Devon asked, taken aback. The touch issue and being in close physical proximity with others, especially men, was still the hardest part for her patient. "That's progress Ziva."

Choosing to ignore that comment, Ziva sighed and continued as if her doctor hadn't spoken. "Tony is a good man Devon, he is my best friend. But after Somalia..." she shuddered. "I cannot imagine ever allowing another man close like that. I am not what he needs."

"Ziva, we've been over this before," Devon pointed out gently. "Someday a man will come into your life and he will treat you like the priceless treasure you are. He will not care about the scars, he will not shy away from your past, and he will be patient and loving with you until you are able to accept his touch, no matter how long that takes," Dr. Andrews stressed the words because this was such an important truth for Ziva to believe.

"Whether or not you've already met this man," Devon shrugged one shoulder, "only you know that. But until you get there, we're going to re-learn the many reason you are so much more than worthless or not good enough."

At that point Ziva stopped hearing Devon, because all that was in her head was the gentle echo of Tony's soft words. _"Be careful. Handle with care. Contents priceless." _If only she had listened to him then.

**NCIS**

Tuesday afternoon the team got a case. It was Matt's first glimpse of field work east coast style and Ziva's introduction to being little more than a bystander while the team did their thing. She discovered about seven seconds after being left alone that she did not like sitting in the car and watching the team survey the scene without her.

Ziva waited for Gibbs' nod before approaching the first responder and beginning to take statements. It made her smile to hear Tony and McGee in the background, working together to mess with the rookie while Gibbs dished out headslaps and demanded immediate answers to his questions like always. It was good to know that some things would never change.

Stumbling on a tree root, Matt knocked into Gibbs and a splash of coffee hit the wet snow. The other three agents froze and Matt got his footing. "Sorry Agent Gibbs."

"Rule 6!" Tony and McGee said together and Ziva had the urge to say 'jinx' just to see what would happen.

The new guy looked at them curiously and Tony explained. "Gibbs has rules, Assistant Probie, so learn 'em good and learn 'em fast."

"Rule 6 is Never apologize - it's a sign of weakness," McGee quoted, still feeling the headslaps he'd received while learning it.

Matt shoved his hands in his pockets and grinned self-consciously. "Somehow I don't think my mother would agree with that."

"No, not for moms," Gibbs called from across the yard. This was news to the team and they stared at him in shock for a moment. Sometimes being on his team was a constant learning curve.

Ziva approached Matt and crossed her arms. "There is also Rule 23 - Never mess with a Marine's coffee if you want to live."

Tony raised his eyebrows. "Oh yeah. Never, ever spill the coffee AP," he shortened the nickname down to letters for convenience sake, "or you won't last until Ziva leaves."

The mention of her imminent, if still far off, departure took the spark out of Ziva's eyes. "I will just...go wait in the car," she said slowly, feeling useless.

Gibbs tossed a camera and Tony caught it because Ziva wasn't watching. That surprised him and he made a mental note to keep an eye on her reflexes. A distracted Ziva could end up being dangerous. "Did I say you were done David?" Gibbs barked. "Show Collins how to do photos." Ziva smiled, glad to at least be doing something. "McGee - bag and tag introduction. Tony - perimeter instructions and sketching."

"Aw Boss, why do I have two things?" Tony groused.

"You see anybody else gabbing so much DiNozzo?" Gibbs demanded. "Get going."

"On it Boss," Tony said, rolling his eyes at Ziva. She just shook her head and took the digital camera from him.

"Come on Matt. It is very important to do this properly."

Matt shadowed Ziva, but not before cutting his eyes to McGee after he watched the interaction between Tony and Ziva. Maybe the two agents weren't together, but by everything Matt had seen so far it was clear that they should be.

**NCIS**

Since she was limited for field work at the moment, and boy did Tony miss taking Ziva with him on drives to do interviews, Ziva was put in charge of talking to Abby, getting reports from Ducky, and doing all interrogations except the ones Gibbs claimed for himself. At least Tony still got to do those with her, while Matt and Tim watched in Observation.

McGee personally felt that the new agent was a little too fascinated by the dynamics between Tony and Ziva. But as he spent an hour over the course of the day watching his team members through new eyes, Tim realized how much of what he'd gotten used to from them over the years really wasn't normal at all for two friends who were nothing more than partners.

Tony sat backwards on a chair to Ziva's right, butting in often to add his two cents worth. But what looked like interruptions that Ziva would eventually want to hurt him for, really weren't. From his vantage point, McGee noticed the way Ziva paused for two seconds and tapped her foot against Tony's under the table, cuing him to jump in. When she wanted him to take the lead, she flipped her hair over one shoulder.

If she was playing good cop, the smile she flashed at her partner included a tilt of the head. And once it came time to lay down the law, which required getting in the suspect's face (something she still avoided sometimes because of the temptation to cause harm), Ziva twisted her watch around on her wrist.

All of these things that before, Tim never took notice of, now jumped out at him as glaringly obvious signs that even if Tony and Ziva didn't recognize it, there was something between them that was so much more than just partners. Still, for the time being McGee kept the observations to himself. If he'd only just really seen the truth now after so many years, it was a safe bet that the partners weren't ready to hear it yet. Tim wondered how long it would take before they saw the truth too.

**NCIS**

Wednesday night was Ziva's first training session with Duke since he'd modified her program, and she was surprised at how much she could still do. Instead of running, he put her on the stationery bike. When Ziva wanted to know about her normal morning routine, Duke suggested switching between walking and swimming because they were gentler forms of exercise.

As far as the more specialized aspects of training were considered, they focused more on upper and lower body strength, avoiding the core for now. Ziva still could beat the stuffing out of a punching bag if she wanted, but Duke had reiterated the no sparring rule he'd mentioned on Monday. They couldn't take the chance that one of the guys might catch her while her guard was down, (though Duke wasn't sure it ever was), and hit her the wrong way.

They worked through her new regime in careful detail, then Duke told her it was enough for one day and Friday would be the real workout. "But I don't want to see you here until close, two hours is your max and even that might be pushing it. Don't make me kick your butt out of here David."

Ziva rolled her eyes and saluted. "Yes sir." Then she went home, not sure anymore what to do with herself after such a short session. It was rare to spend less than four hours at Ops when she got off work and Ziva usually trained until she was too tired to do things properly. She would return to her apartment, collapse into bed and hope for sleep. Tonight that wasn't an option.

After looking around her apartment aimlessly, Ziva went into the kitchen and fixed herself a salad. Sitting down at the tiny kitchen table she now owned, Ziva ate slowly, trying to figure out what to do with the hours that remained until bedtime. She wasn't even halfway through her supper when the intercom buzzed.

Ziva waited, but it only happened once. Tony always buzzed twice to let her know he was coming up. Frowning, she crossed the room and pushed the button to talk. "Hello?"

There was a pause, then, "Hey Ziva, it's Abby. Can I come in?"

Ziva nodded even though Abby couldn't see her and pressed the door release button. She waited, assuming Abby would take the elevator not the stairs. Two minutes later a timid knock sounded on the door. Opening it, Ziva looked at her friend curiously. "What can I do for you Abby?"

Hesitating slightly, Abby held up a DVD case, much like Tony would do to entice her and gain entrance. "I was wondering if you wanted to watch _The Princess Bride_ with me."

Ziva smiled, remembering Tony's prediction when she moved in. "It is good that you came. I did not know what to do with my evening."

"Great." Abby bounced in and settled herself on the couch, handing Ziva the movie. "Do you have popcorn?"

Almost smirking at the similarities between 'brother and sister', Ziva nodded. "In the cupboard above the stove."

Nominating herself to make it, Abby jumped up while Ziva bent down and inserted the DVD. Three minutes later Abby sat holding the bowl of popcorn while Ziva finished her salad. As the movie began, the Israeli glanced at her friend. "Will McGee not be lonely without you?"

Surprise and something else Ziva couldn't quite read leapt into Abby's eyes. "What?" she said too quickly.

Ziva shifted to face her. "McGee is still staying at your apartment so you can both sleep, yes?"

Relief showed on Abby's face and she nodded. "Oh, right. Well, he'll be okay without me for a couple hours." This definitely was not the time to tell Ziva that she and Tim were married and still settling into the cute little house they'd moved into over the weekend.

Ziva looked at her as if she were trying to figure something out and Abby did her best to act normal. "I am only surprised you did not want to watch this with him."

Abby chuckled. "Timmy's seen it with me lots of times. I wanted to have some girl time tonight."

"Hm." Ziva didn't say much else and attempted to pay attention to the movie. Something was clearly going on with McGee and Abby but it did not seem her place to pry. She just hoped everything was okay. Her friends deserved the happy ending she would never get.

**NCIS**

When the movie was over and the credits finished rolling, Abby turned to her friend. "How are you doing Ziva, with the baby and all?"

Knowing the subject couldn't be avoided forever, Ziva sighed, letting her hands rest lightly on her abdomen. "I have always wondered what it would be like to be pregnant, to feel my baby move within me, to be a mother. But," her voice broke and she shut her eyes, "I did not expect it to happen like this."

Abby put her hand on Ziva's arm. "It's going to be okay Ziva. I mean, I know that's easy for me to say when I'm not living it, but you've got a whole family here that loves you. We'll be here for all of it, I promise. You won't even have to ask for help."

Ziva nodded, blinking back tears she refused to cry. Crying in front of Tony had been bad enough, she would not let anyone else see that much of her pain. "Thank you Abby," she managed, "it is good not to be alone."

"So," Abby began, moving to check out Ziva's growing movie collection, "up for a double feature?" Serious subjects could only be discussed for so long, now the mood needed a little lightening up.

Choking out a laugh, Ziva agreed. "But only if we get ice cream first," she added, smiling a little.

Abby's grin lit up the room. "Ziva, you are my new favourite person."

The Israeli raised an eyebrow. "Careful, I might have to tell McGee that."

Abby bit her lip, then shook her head. "No, no, it's a secret." The girls shared a smile, then left to find dessert.


	10. Chapter 10

The next morning when Ziva looked in the mirror after her shower, she turned sideways and wiped a section of mirror clear of moisture as she examined her body. Rubbing a tentative hand across her stomach, Ziva was startled to feel a firm roundness that had not been there before.

If she squinted she could just tell that her pregnancy was starting to show, but a loose shirt would do wonders to cover that up for now. Still, it wouldn't be long until her bump couldn't be hidden, and Ziva dreaded the day Gibbs made her stay at her desk while the team went into the field without her.

All day Ziva felt self-conscious, as if every eye in the building was trained on her. Tony noticed that she was more jumpy than usual, saw how her eyes flickered around the room every few minutes to check on who was there. Normally he would chalk it up to nightmares and lack of sleep, but with her being pregnant now he didn't want to assume anything.

Even once they were alone and slouched on his couch for Movie Night, Tony didn't say anything. But halfway through Jungle to Jungle, he glanced over and caught Ziva's hand slowly caressing her lower abdomen. It was unnerving to say the least and she looked zoned out, like she wasn't really there with him. Frowning, Tony paused the movie.

"Hey, you okay?"

Ziva looked up and stopped the motion guiltily. Pushing herself up, she tucked her body into the corner of his couch and drew her knees into her chest, effectively protecting (though probably unconsciously) her unborn baby. "I am fine," she answered at last, avoiding his gaze.

"Zi," he called her name in a pleading tone, "talk to me, please."

She sighed. "Even if Ducky had not insisted on a blood test, the truth would've been obvious soon enough." Ziva folded her hands together. "I can feel the change in my body. I noticed it this morning and today I thought everyone could tell. My clothes do not fit as well either, but there would be no reason for that, I am back to my usual routine."

Tony nodded. With the way she worked herself she wouldn't be gaining any weight, though sometimes he wished she would. It was only noticeable when he held her, but even after three months Somalia had still left her so skinny. It hurt him to remember how healthy she had been before.

Wanting to reach for her hand but trying not to be clingy, Tony swallowed. "It's a good thing though, right? You should be showing by four months?"

"I do not know if I am strong enough to do this Tony," Ziva said in a whisper. "I do not want the world to know, to see the evidence of my shame."

Her eyes were fixed on the couch and Tony nearly groaned. Gosh, he would give anything to be able to hug her right now, to let her find shelter in his arms and his love, but it was clear how ready she still wasn't to hear his heart. Instead he rested his palm on one of her knees and Ziva forced away her still natural reaction to flinch at touch. This was Tony and he was not a threat.

"It's not shame Ziva, it's strength," he tried to convince her. "You survived Somalia, you made it out of there alive. This child you're carrying is a victory, a triumph over what was done to you. You're giving life Zi, not taking it. You are so much better than the ones who hurt you."

"I have no right to be a mother," Ziva's fear spilled out because Tony was a safe place to be vulnerable, to be real with all the walls and defenses stripped away. "What kind of life can I give this baby?"

Tony's eyes became very serious. "Give him or her the chance you never had," he said confidently, "a chance to be loved unconditionally and to grow up outside of the shadows. You can give your baby the right to grow up happy and safe. You can do this Zi, I know you can."

His faith in her was a thing she didn't understand and despite her best efforts, a tear escaped. "We should finish the movie Tony."

He coughed and hit the 'play' button. "Yeah, right." Tony only hoped that something of what he said had gotten through her doubt, because it was the truth. Ziva needed to be able to believe in herself again.

**NCIS**

It was eleven am on Saturday morning and Ziva was already deep into the study materials for her citizenship test. It was still months away, but she wanted to be absolutely sure she was prepared. By eleven forty-five however, Ziva was getting distracted and at eleven fifty, she got an idea.

Picking up her phone, she scrolled through her contacts and chose one in particular. After four rings a very cheerful sounding feminine voice answered. "Hello, you've reached Thom E. Gemcity's personal assistant, how can I help you?"

Ziva chuckled. "Hello Abby. Is McGee there?"

"He's hard at work on his next masterpiece, but I'm sure he'd be happy for the distraction."

"Oh," Ziva paused. "Well, if he is busy I do not want to disturb him."

She heard a shriek like Abby had been surprised and an amused, "Give me that!", before Tim's voice came on the line. "Hey Ziva, sorry about that, she got to it before I did."

Ziva couldn't help but smile. "It sounds like the two of you are having fun."

"That's what lazy Saturdays are for, right? So, what can I do for you?"

She bit her lip. "I do not want to intrude."

McGee's tone sobered. "Please Ziva, I always welcome the intrusion of friends. Now what's up?"

"Well," Ziva sighed, "if your girlfriend can spare you for an hour or two, I was wondering if you would help me go shopping for a new computer. It has been awhile and I...need one again."

Tim smiled. "I'd love to. What time?"

Ziva considered this. "One o'clock? It will give you time for lunch with Abby, and I have several more pages to read through yet."

"Sounds good. Want me to meet you at your place?"

"Sure," Ziva nodded. "Thank you McGee."

"Whatever you need Ziva, seriously. See you in an hour."

"Goodbye."

As soon as she hung up, Ziva pulled up Tony's number and sent him a text. _Busy this afternoon. Storm check for movie and boardgames?_

The speed with which he responded made Ziva smile. _Rain check Ninja. Seriously? Having fun without me? I'm crushed._

She rolled her eyes._ I think you will live. Breakfast tomorrow still, yes?_

_Wouldn't miss it. Call if you get bored. Or if you feel like feeding me..._

Ziva chuckled. _Do not hold your breath._

_I'll miss you too :)_ He sent a smiley face and Ziva gave up and went back to her reading. The man was hopeless.

**NCIS**

"So what kind of computer are you looking for Ziva?" McGee asked as they entered the store, holding the door like the good gentleman he was raised to be.

Ziva's thoughts were on her bank account. Although she'd had a regular paycheck coming in for a month and a half, she had more to worry about than just herself now. Being pregnant and having the baby meant a whole new set of bills she needed to save for. "Just something simple. I will be using it mostly for research and email and documents."

Tim nodded thoughtfully, reading between the lines that she needed something less expensive but good quality to last awhile. He pointed them towards the section for refurbished laptops. "You said you used Macs in Mossad, right?"

Ziva raised an eyebrow. "You were paying attention McGee."

He shrugged. "I remember stuff about computers."

She patted his arm. "I think Abby will appreciate that you take notice of the details."

McGee swallowed, trying to make his expression stay neutral. When Abby came home from spending the evening with Ziva on Wednesday, she mentioned that it was hard to act as though nothing had changed between them. Even this morning when she called Abby his girlfriend, he'd wanted to correct her. He was proud to claim Abby for his wife now, but they'd talked about it and knew that it was not the time to tell everyone. So Tim tried to be careful with his words, knowing that Ziva would catch him if he slipped up.

"I try," was all he said in the end.

The two friends spent almost an hour looking at computers until Ziva found one she liked that was in her price range and McGee approved it for quality. They went back to her place after and Tim spent another hour adjusting specifications on the machine until he was happy with the way the laptop functioned.

"Thank you McGee," Ziva smiled. Then she hesitated, wanting to offer him a friendly hug for the time he'd given her, but finding it still difficult to initiate contact.

Tim, more perceptive than others gave him credit for, read the situation and folded his arms around Ziva carefully and briefly. "Happy to help," he told her, then grinned. "You know me, I like playing with computers."

Leaning against the doorframe as he got ready to leave, Ziva cocked her head. "Did you ever figure it out Tim?"

He drew his eyebrows together, trying to place her question. "What?"

Her eyes were clear and lit with interest. "What you want?"

Memories flashed by of Abby on their second date, her eyes shining under the stars. Abby when he proposed, her genuine surprise and the love on her face that gave him the only answer he wanted. Abby walking towards him in a wedding dress, saying the words that would take them to forever.

Then a page flipped and it was Abby laying with him in bed, really together for the first time in years. Abby kissing him with gentle tenderness and heated passion. Abby keeping the nightmares away with just her presence and her head on his bare chest. Abby and how her eyes glowed when they saw the little house that was now their home.

Fingering the silver band on the keyring in his pocket, McGee blinked and smiled, contentment resting on his features. "Yeah, I figured it out."

Though she wanted to ask what he was going to do to get it, Ziva left that inquiry for another time. "I am glad."

"What about you Ziva?" Tim threw the question back. "What do you want?" It was partially to deflect her curiosity away from him and Abby and partly because he really wanted to know.

Ziva sighed and sadness filled her eyes. "It does not matter what I want. That kind of choice has never been part of my life."

Care for her flooded Tim's gaze. "You don't get it, do you Ziva? In less than three months you're going to be an American citizen. You live here. Your baby will be born in DC and become part of the group of people who love you like family. No one will ever be able to take that away from you." He raised an eyebrow. "Maybe for the first time you'll get to decide what it is you want."

"If I pass," Ziva said, resigned. "Former Mossad assassin does not look great on the application."

"It's the 'former' part they'll look at Ziva. And the status of probationary agent at NCIS doesn't hurt either."

"If you say so." It was too hard for Ziva to hope with everything else that was going on.

"Just think about it Ziva," McGee encouraged. "Think about what you want. I'll ask you again sometime."

She managed a glimmer of a smile for him. "You are a good friend McGee."

"You're worth the loyalty," he said firmly. "See you Monday."

"Goodbye."

Ziva closed the door and Tim pulled out his cell phone. He picked Tony from his list of recent numbers and tapped out a quick message. _Bring Ziva dinner tonight._

The response came as McGee was taking the stairs down. _What's wrong?_ He could hear the urgency in his friend's words.

Trying to decide how to phrase the feeling he had, that Ziva didn't think she had the right to be happy, to ask for something permanent, slowed Tim's steps and he thought it over. On the other hand, he knew Tony was just waiting to give her all that and more. And it was clear that Ziva was the answer to the meaning Tony had been searching for.

When he didn't immediately answer, Tony send a reminder. _Tim?_ He only called McGee that when he was serious.

Tim sighed. _She just needs someone to make her smile. You up for the job?_ He shook his head, keeping his thoughts to himself. _She needs someone to make her feel important, worth something_. McGee knew Tony could do that. They were that close.

There was a lightness in Tony's next text. _My specialty Probie._

Feeling as if he'd done something, McGee closed his phone and zipped up his coat to brave the winter weather. After the look he'd seen in Ziva's eyes, Tim just wanted to go home and hold his wife.

**NCIS**

Two hours later Ziva was deep into research about pregnancy and babies, but more interested in the effects of rape on women, specifically mothers who kept a child conceived from the act. It was heavy stuff to read. She rubbed her eyes and looked down at her stomach. This baby deserved life and Ziva desperately wanted someone to love. Maybe the effects wouldn't be as bad as the information she'd seen.

Finally she closed the laptop, unable to read any more. The intercom buzzed twice and Ziva frowned. What was Tony doing here? A couple minutes later there was a knock at her door. "Special delivery," came her partner's teasing voice. "Let me in Ziva, you'll be glad you did."

Ziva got up and reached for the handle, his words suddenly so full of meaning she couldn't deal with the emotions. So instead she slipped a mask into place and crossed her arms. "I thought I said no today."

Tony looked up. "No, no, I distinctly remember you saying no this morning and wanting a rain check for later." He shrugged. "It's later."

She stood aside to let him in and Tony deposited several bags on her kitchen table. "I went with Middle Eastern comfort food for supper, and chocolate cupcakes for dessert from that place you got Abby's. Our movie tonight is Mrs. Doubtfire and I've got Sorry and Mousetrap for boardgames." He glanced over his shoulder, smiling. "Regular or paper plates?"

For some reason, having Tony around to keep her from thinking dark thoughts was a relief. Ziva let her crossed arms drop and her expression warmed. "I do not feel like doing dishes."

"Paper it is," Tony said, pulling them out with a flourish. "You put the movie on and I'll dish up the food."

As she reached for the DVD, Tony thought he heard her whisper, "Thank you,", but he didn't say anything. He cared about Ziva, this was how it was supposed to be. It was always easier to keep the darkness away when they were together.


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: Hello all! Sorry for taking longer than a week to update, I got sick on Thursday and spent the next three days trying to get over it. But voila! Today a new chapter :) And also a change to my posting schedule - I am aiming now to post a new chapter on Tuesdays and Fridays. During my time off I worked on some details for TMA and actually ended up adding about eight chapters to the story. So by the time we're through I think TMA will be around 22 chapters. Anyhow, hope you enjoy today's! Thanks for reading :) ~Aliyah_

_RECAP:_ **In Chapter 10 Ziva had begun to notice her pregnancy showing and was feeling self conscious about it. On Saturday she went computer shopping with McGee and then Tony brought her supper because she needed some cheering up. This chapter starts on Sunday.**

McGee woke up to the smell of pancakes and checked the clock. It was earlier than Abby usually got up on a Sunday, but that apparently wasn't stopping her today. Yawning, he rolled out of bed and shuffled downstairs. "Mornin' Abbs," he said sleepily.

Abby looked away from the griddle with a grin. "Hi Tim. Do you know what day it is?"

Distracted by her dark hair falling loose around her shoulders, Tim closed his mouth and shrugged. It was unfair to still be affected by her so much that he couldn't form a complete thought. "Sunday?"

Abby's giggle sounded like his favourite music. "No Timmy, not just Sunday. Today is special."

McGee screwed up his face. "Are we celebrating something?"

She flipped another golden brown pancake over and watched it rise as the batter sizzled on the hot surface. "Yup."

He fell into one of the kitchen chairs. "Umm...can I plead the fifth?"

Her eyes widened. "It's been a whole week and you don't remember?"

Glancing around at the boxes still cluttering up their livingroom, it dawned on him. "Today is a week since we moved in."

"Yes!" Abby crowed delightedly. "Well, technically yesterday was, but you were busy."

McGee got up and moved behind her, wrapping his arms around his wife's waist. "Never too busy to remember the important things I hope."

Abby turned to face him, still holding the black flipper. "I wouldn't let you forget them." She brushed her lips over his and McGee held her tighter. For a minute kissing took precedence over everything else until Abby smelled something. "Oh no! They're burning!" She pushed away from her husband and quickly rescued the slightly scorched pancakes. "Still good!" Abby announced happily.

"Perfect," McGee grinned, kissing her neck. "So, how should we celebrate?"

Abby bit her lip and looked at him hopefully. "Lazer tag?"

McGee's expression was his answer. "I knew there was a reason I loved you."

Abby raised an eyebrow. "Only one McGee?"

"Nah," he shook his head, "more like a thousand and one, at least."

Her eyes gleamed. "Good answer. Now let's have breakfast before it gets cold."

Tim pressed his lips to the back of her hand. "As you wish m'lady, as you wish."

In her eyes he read the depth of her love and her joy that this was their life now. It didn't get much better.

**NCIS**

Ziva woke up reaching for something, something important that had been ripped away. She blinked slowly as the dream returned to her. It had all been gone - her position at NCIS, her apartment, her car. She didn't pass the test and men in suits led her to the plane for deportation back to Israel. Ziva shuddered at the thought of going back, of what her father would do because of her pregnancy, of being pressured to return to Mossad.

Groaning, she tried to roll over but then remembered she shouldn't really be putting weight on her stomach. Ziva hugged her arms to her chest, knowing that Gibbs would shoot someone, McGee would hack Immigration, Tony would probably marry her before any of them let her go back.

The last option stopped her cold. Tony would probably marry her... Covering her face with her hands, Ziva wondered if the slightest amount of anticipation about the idea made her stupid or crazy. "We are best friends," she muttered to herself. "Best friends." But in the silence of the dark apartment, Ziva wasn't sure who she was trying to convince.

**NCIS**

Monday evening's workout was more intense than the previous two and Duke watched her closely. The punching bag took the brunt of Ziva's frustration as she remembered the day. She'd been agitated at work, short with Tony and silent when she wasn't required to speak.

Ziva knew Tony had just shrugged her attitude off as a bad mood or hormones. He brought her tea around lunchtime and a chocolate chip cookie in the afternoon, still warm the way she liked them. But the nicer he was, the more put out Ziva became and she blamed it all on her foolish, middle of the night thought process. The question clung to her al day and she was even more annoyed that she couldn't shake it off.

As soon as Gibbs gave them the all clear, Ziva left without saying goodbye. She didn't look back but still felt Tony's eyes on her until she was inside the elevator. Gritting her teeth, Ziva pounded the bag several more times and then whirled around and kicked it hard. As she put her hands out to steady it, Ziva caught a glimpse of Duke in her peripheral vision.

She sighed. "I am fine."

He stared at the punching bag for a minute and then glanced at her dripping face, listened to her laboured breaths. "Yeah, I can see that." Duke crossed his arms as she took position again. "Hey, lay off David. What did that bag ever do to you?"

Biting back a growl of frustration, Ziva took the not so subtle hint and dropped the gloves, then angled across the gym towards the treadmills. Against recommendations, she turned the speed up high and ran flat out for several minutes before Duke's frown broke through her concentration. Rolling her eyes, Ziva turned the machine down to a more moderate pace, finally dropping to a fast walk.

By the time she got to weights, Duke was seriously getting concerned. Finally he caught her away from the others, who'd taken one look at her face when she walked in and given her a wide berth over the past couple hours. "Look Ziva, I don't know what happened today, but you need to walk it off. Get out of here. Go for a swim or something, because this is not calming you down, it seems to be making things worse."

Ziva scowled at her trainer and made to stand her ground, but Duke was looking at her like Gibbs and she knew she was going to leave whether she wanted to or not. Pulling on the black sweater she came in, Ziva slipped into her coat and boots, grabbed her bag and walked out. Duke looked after her with worry in his eyes. She hadn't gotten that worked up in awhile. He hoped Ziva had somewhere to go or someone to go to who could help her unwind.

**NCIS**

Gibbs finally pulled into his driveway shortly before ten that night. He rarely left the office when his team did, they had lives to go home to, he only had his boat. Getting out of the car, Gibbs stopped at the sight of Ziva sitting on his front porch steps.

It made him uneasy, but the visit fit. She'd been off all day and Gibbs hadn't been able to put his finger on why. He stopped in front of her. "Door's open."

Ziva shrugged and didn't remove her gaze from her clasped hands. "You were not here. And I did not know what to say."

Gibbs offered her a hand up and frowned. "Your hands are freezing, how long have you been sitting here?"

She shoved her hands into the lined pockets of her coat. "I do not have a watch." Ziva stared at her feet. "Good night Gibbs."

He glanced at the street and then at his agent. "Did you walk here Ziver?"

Ziva followed his gaze and nodded slowly. "Yes."

Shaking his head, Gibbs took her elbow. "Come on. Coffee first to warm you up, then I'll drive you home."

She took a step back. "I am fine Gibbs."

He grunted. "Wasn't a debate."

Sighing, Ziva gave in and followed him to the kitchen. Gibbs pushed her gently into a chair and rooted through his cupboards until he found the tin of hot chocolate. Gibbs used milk instead of water and put an extra spoonful of chocolate powder in when it was hot. He set it in front of her and Ziva looked up.

"Don't have decaf," he said, pouring his own mug from the pot and warming it in the microwave.

They sat in silence for a long time, sipping their respective drinks. It was nearing eleven pm when Gibbs spoke again. "Want to talk about it?"

Ziva traced the rim of the mug with her nail and thought a bit before shaking her head. She stood up and put her coat back on, setting the mug in his sink. "Thank you Gibbs, good night."

He cleared his throat. "What part of 'I'll drive you home' didn't you get?"

She met his eyes for the first time all night and the turmoil roiling in her dark brown irises troubled him deeply. "I can walk."

Gibbs stared at her. "Either I drive you, or you stay the night. Take your pick."

For a moment it seemed that Ziva was actually considering option two. It made her feel safe to be in Gibbs' house, to have him around. This place had been her first refuge after Somalia and a small part of her missed the safety and security of sleeping in his guest bedroom. It had been Kelly's room, once upon a time. Finally though, she gave him a small smile. "A ride would be nice."

Gibbs got up and grabbed his keys. When they got to her building, he insisted on walking her to the door. He kissed her cheek and tried to read the story hiding behind her gaze. "Sleep well Ziva."

"Laila tov," she whispered, heading inside.

The light on her answering machine was flashing, and Ziva frowned before pressing the button to hear. She seldom got messages. There was a beep, then her partner's voice filled the room. "Hey Zi, it's Tony. Look, I...I get that you're mad at me even though I don't know what I did so...I'm sorry. I'll uh...see you tomorrow."

He hung up and Ziva rubbed her forehead. _Tony, why do you have to be so perfect? I do not want to hope. It always gets taken away when I do._

**NCIS**

Ziva brought Tony coffee the next morning and came in early, not wanting an audience. She knew he'd be there because her partner hadn't broken the habit of getting up early with her and coming into the office to be there because she was. As she set the cup on his desk, Tony looked up and Ziva smiled.

"I am not mad."

He watched while she sat down and got to work, and kept an eye on her as the others arrived and the day began. When she left at ten am, Tony's gaze followed her and he turned to Gibbs. "Boss, do you think Z-"

Gibbs cut him off as he walked by to head upstairs. "Don't expect this to be easy DiNozzo, because it won't be."

Tony nodded even though the man was already gone and shared a glance with McGee. "You're lucky, Probie." He forgot that Matt was still sitting in his cubicle, unseen even as he heard every word.

"How's that?" Tim asked, turning away from his computer.

Tony stared at Ziva's desk. "Because Abby already said yes."

Alarm flashed on his friend's face and Tim swallowed hard, wondering what Tony knew. "Uh...what do you mean?"

Tony chuckled. "Relax McJumpy. I just meant that you're already together and should you two ever decide to tie the knot, odds are she'll say yes before you even finish the question." He sighed. "It's not as easy when all you have are hopes and dreams."

McGee wished Tony wouldn't take everything so hard. Ziva was already his, but neither of them knew that yet. "Just give her time Tony, it's only been three months."

"Yeah," Tony echoed tiredly, "right." McGee didn't understand that after thinking she was dead and writing letters to a memory, three months was an eternity.

**NCIS**

"How are you Ziva?" Devon asked as soon as she was seated.

Ziva fixed her gaze steadfastly on the floor. "I do not know."

Devon drew her eyebrows together. "Well, honesty is a start. Can you tell me what you're feeling right now?"

Ziva clasped her fingers together. "Confused."

"About what?" her doctor pressed.

The Israeli woman shook her head. "It is embarrassing."

"This is a safe place Ziva," Dr. Andrews reminded her. "Nothing you say will ever go beyond these walls."

"It is hard to keep that many secrets," Ziva noted.

Devon smiled. "It's my job. And if it helps, then keeping those secrets is very worth it." She gave Ziva a moment, then tried again. "What are you confused about Ziva?"

The word was barely audible. "Tony."

Dr. Andrew's eyebrows leapt up. "Has he done something?"

"Everything," Ziva tried to explain, "and nothing at all except be himself. But he has changed and that is what makes this hard."

"Makes what hard?" Devon still wasn't sure she understood. The complexities that existed between the partners was a mystery she was still trying to unravel.

"I should not want to be more than his friend!" Ziva spit out, looking into Devon's eyes. "I used to be stronger than this!"

"Caring is not a weakness Ziva," Devon said soothingly. "You have a freedom now to have those feelings, if you want. It's okay."

"It is not okay," Ziva argued stubbornly.

"Do you want to be with Tony?" Devon asked, knowing it was not likely a question her patient would answer.

Ziva stayed silent so long, the therapist almost changed the subject. Then she spoke quietly and for a moment her heart was on display. "I do not want to be without him."

Devon smiled. "That's a start." Ziva frowned. "You need to give yourself permission to dream Ziva, it's part of being human."

"It was easier when I was not," the other woman said darkly.

"Maybe," Devon agreed, "but it was so much more lonely that way, wasn't it?" Ziva didn't answer so Devon led them in a slightly different direction. "Tell me about your week."

Ziva sighed and finally sat back on the couch, no longer looking like she was going to jump up and run away at any moment. "There is not much to tell."

"Try," Dr. Andrew's encouraged.

Ziva glared and the rebelliousness gave her therapist hope. When she was willing to fight for something, then they were making progress. The patient rolled her eyes and thought back. "When I found out that I was pregnant, I thought I would have to quit training and I was...scared because I have no other outlet. But Duke has worked with me and I now have a new program that is safe."

"That's good," Devon nodded.

"Abby came over Wednesday to have some girl time." She frowned. "I am worried that there is something going on with her and McGee. She was acting nervous when I asked about him."

"From what I hear, those two couldn't be much closer," Dr. Andrews observed.

Ziva agreed. "I do not know why they are waiting to get married. They should not waste any time. There are no guarantees."

Devon tilted her head. "Sounds to me like you're not just talking to your friends."

Ziva ignored her, as she often did when she didn't like what her doctor said. "Thursday the change in my body became very noticeable to me, and I felt like everyone could see it."

A distressed note crept into Ziva's Tony and Devon looked up. "Does that bother you?"

Ziva looked away. "I do not want to tell the story any more."

"Then don't." Her patient looked confused and Devon explained. "Let people wonder Ziva. They don't really knew you and it's none of their business to ask. Their curiosity, their judgements and looks are not your problem. You knew what happened, your family knows," the doctor had picked up on the kind of relationship Ziva had with her team the first time they'd talked, "that's all that matters."

It took some time, but as Ziva rolled the idea around in her head, she realized Devon was right. "Tony told me I have nothing to be ashamed for."

The smile Dr. Andrews gave her made Ziva nervous. "He's right," she said softly. "You won Ziva, you got out alive, you have your life back. Overcoming everything, deciding to give this child a chance, I think that is your greatest strength."

"Thank you." Ziva's voice was quiet again. She wasn't sure how to accept praise.

"Anything happen this weekend that I need to know about?" Devon asked.

Ziva shrugged. "McGee helped me pick out a new computer, Tony came over for supper. That is all."

Noting the way Ziva's eyes shifted, Devon looked interested. "Is it?"

The agent frowned. "There is a reason I do not like to be shrunk."

Stifling a smile at Ziva's mistake, Devon regarded her seriously. "Yes. But if it wasn't helping, you wouldn't keep coming back." Ziva crossed her arms, neither admitting or denying anything. So Devon continued. "How are the nightmares."

"Less severe than a month ago," Ziva reported. "Less often. Not always about the camp."

"What was this one about?"

Ziva stared at her doctor. The woman was more insightful then she gave her credit for. "Consequences," she answered at last.

"What kind of consequences?" It was like pulling teeth to get the details most of the time. This patient never made Devon's job simple.

"What would happen if I do not pass my citizenship test."

"Does that possibility scare you?" Devon asked.

Ziva's eyes widened. "I would lose everything."

"When is the test?"

"I believe it is in March."

"It won't help to borrow tomorrow's worries Ziva," Dr. Andrews told her, then had to reword it so it made more sense. "It's more than three months away. Why worry now? Wait until you actually get there. The way you're preparing, I doubt you'll have a problem."

Platitudes were detestable to Ziva after everything she'd been through, a fact that the doctor forgot until the words left her mouth. And though Devon asked her last question, she knew Ziva had already shut down, it was obvious in her eyes. "Do you want to talk about yesterday?"

"No," Ziva said shortly, and the session concluded within a few minutes.

On her way back upstairs, she wondered why she kept going. She hated answering questions, she hated the person sitting in the chair across from her who continually pried into her life and her thoughts. But Devon's earlier words came back to her and Ziva felt grateful that the therapist hadn't given up on her. Because slowly but surely, talking to someone was helping.


	12. Chapter 12

"Hey Ziva," Tony called when she stepped out of the bathroom Thursday night, "you want popcorn or pretzels tonight?" Usually the choice was obvious, but lately her taste seemed to be changing and he was just trying to keep up.

His partner leaned against the counter. "Do you have chocolate sauce?"

Trying to figure out how that answered his question, Tony nodded slowly. "Yes."

"And bananas?"

He checked the fruit bowl behind him. "Affirmative." Tony's eyes lit up. "Are you thinking sundaes?"

Ziva shook her head. "No. Just a banana with chocolate sauce."

Tony blinked. "Uh huh. Okay, fine, but I'm having a banana split and it's going to be awesome."

Ziva waited rather impatiently until Tony got out all the fixings needed for a deluxe sundae. Then she plucked the half full jar out of his hand, grinned delightedly at the words 'Chocolate Fudge' on the side, and put it in the microwave.

Tony set out bowls and began dishing up ice cream. "Sure you don't want some?"

Ziva shook her head and poured the warm fudge into a bowl, peeled her banana and broke it in half. "I am ready."

Tony frowned. "You're going to eat it like that?"

She stared back. "Yes."

"Okay." He made it sound like she was crazy without actually saying those words.

Ziva pinned him with a look. "You do not have to worry, I am not sharing."

Tony added whipped cream and sprinkles, plus caramel, fudge and strawberry sauce and finished his masterpiece. The two of them settled on the couch and Tony pressed play on _Footloose_. After several minutes he looked over at Ziva, who was dipping the banana in the sauce, letting the chocolate drizzle into her mouth, and taking a bite.

It looked pretty good, so finally he cut off a piece from his banana and reached over to dip it in her bowl. Ziva clutched the bowl to her chest like it was a sacred treasure. "Get your own chocolate."

"Come on Zi," Tony teased, "don't you trust me?"

Frowning because he put it that way, Ziva reluctantly held out the bowl of chocolate sauce and Tony dipped his banana chunk in. "Thank you."

She glared. "You are lucky to be alive. Never get in the way of a woman and her chocolate."

Tony grinned and ate the chocolate soaked banana slice. "Huh. Who knew cravings could be so much fun?"

Ziva raised an eyebrow threateningly, but then turned her attention back to the movie. With Tony around there really was no such thing as a dull moment.

**NCIS**

The week had passed without anyone really taking time to notice. The usual routine of training with Duke, sharing dinner, Movie nights and weekends with Tony, studying for her citizenship test and keeping up the exercising she did by herself, mostly swimming and walking now, kept Ziva busy and occupied.

But on Saturday Tony came by Ziva's apartment to find what looked like every article of clothing she owned strewn around the livingroom and a glaring former assassin sulking on the couch, still in her bathrobe at 11 am. His eyebrows rose as he took in the mess. "Uh...hi." Tony wasn't sure how to approach the situation. "Re-decorating?"

Her annoyed gaze fell on him and she swept her hand towards the contents of her dresser. "They do not fit! Nothing fits anymore. It was a waste of money to buy clothes I cannot wear!"

Ziva's voice got louder by the end of her rant and Tony was getting nervous. He didn't deal well with...girl problems. Suddenly an idea occurred to him and he held up a finger to his partner. "One minute, I'll be right back."

Reaching for his phone and keys in his pocket, Tony hurried back downstair to his car for his go bag and typed a quick, rather desperate message to Abby. _Ziva...clothes...fit...help! _Then, taking a deep breath, he raced back up to his best friend's apartment.

"Okay, I know it's not ideal, but I figure you're probably done hanging out in your robe." Unzipping the bag, Tony pulled out a pair of red plaid drawstring pyjama pants and a gray NCIS t-shirt. "Try these on. At least you'll be wearing some form of clothing."

Ziva eyed the clothes suspiciously for a moment before snatching them out of his hands and marching to the bathroom. As soon as the door was closed, his phone rang. Tony checked the caller ID and stepped into the hall. "Abby!" His tone was just short of panic, hoping she'd read between the lines of his brief message.

"Chill Tony," she said lightly. "I got your text, what can I do?"

He scraped his fingers through his hair. "I don't do clothes Abby and I'm afraid I'm going to say the wrong thing. Ziva's already fit to be tied and I don't want to end up injured."

"Okay, calm down playboy," Abby teased, "I'm on my way."

"Thanks," Tony breathed gratefully. "I'll give you my credit card and I'll try to clean up while you guys are gone. Just make it better for her, will you?"

If she didn't know any better, she'd say Tony sounded more like a concerned husband than a concerned friend, but for once she kept that observation to herself. "I'll try," Abby promised. Then she covered the phone and he heard muffled voices in the background. When she came back on the line, there was a smile in her voice. "You're very sweet to offer to pay, but Tim and I want to help too. It can be a gift from all of us."

"You're a lifesaver Abs," Tony grinned. "See you soon."

He made it back in the apartment just as Ziva came out of the bathroom, looking pretty comfortable in his pyjamas. Tony swallowed his immediate reaction, that they looked right on her, like they belonged. Ziva's wavy hair was down and soft around her shoulders, her brown eyes not as dark as they had been.

"Thank you Tony," she said, looking around at her scattered clothing.

"Anytime." He sat down gingerly on the edge of the coffee table. "So, what's this I hear about a clogged drain in your sink?"

Ziva's smile returned as Tony brought normalcy back to the situation. "I do not know what happened. Can you look at it?" Asking for help was new but Tony liked to be needed, so even though she could probably fix it herself, Ziva deferred jobs like that to her partner.

"Just call me Mr. Fixit," Tony grinned. "Let's take a look."

Tim and Abby arrived as Tony was in the middle of dismantling Ziva's kitchen sink. They must've found someone to let them in because there was a pattern of familiar knocks on the door and Abby poked her head in while Tony stopped Ziva from reaching for a weapon.

"Hello! Anybody home?" Abby let herself in and Tony was very glad to see his little sister's resident shadow following her.

"McGoo!" he grinned. "Just the person I need! Want to help me play plumber?"

Tim rolled his eyes but joined Tony on the kitchen floor and Abby took advantage of the distraction to greet Ziva. She glanced at the carnage of clothes. "Rough morning, huh?" It hadn't escaped her notice that Ziva was currently wearing Tony's clothes, but it didn't seem worth mentioning. As a married woman she understood and appreciated the concept of wearing her husband's clothes, they were quite comfortable and smelled like him, which Abby loved. But Tony and Ziva didn't have the married, husband and wife excuse.

Ziva sighed. "I do not like being pregnant."

"Hey," Abby shook her head, "don't think of it like that. It's just a good excuse to replace your wardrobe."

"I cannot afford to get everything again!" Ziva spit out.

Abby's eyes softened and she glanced briefly towards Tony. "We'll worry about that part later. For now just get your coat and come with me. We'll leave the boys to tinker."

About to protest that she wasn't going out in what she was wearing, Ziva quickly realized two things. One, she didn't have any other options for attire. And two, Abby wasn't going to take no for an answer. So reluctantly, Ziva got dressed to go outside and threw a goodbye over her shoulder to the guys. It seemed they were going shopping.

**NCIS**

After getting a second opinion on the problem and digging tools out of their cars, Tim and Tony returned to their places under Ziva's sink, determined to solve the problem. It turned out to be more than one thing and it was the better part of an hour before they finally got around to putting everything back together.

As he was tightening the joints with a wrench, McGee glanced at his friend. "How do you do it?" he asked, having wrestled with the question since Ziva's announcement.

Tony scraped his knuckles on the rough underside of the sink, grunted, and continued to reapply the caulking they'd pulled out. "Do what?"

Tim was silent for several moment, choosing his words. Tony finally stopped what he was doing and started paying attention. It felt serious. McGee sighed. "How do you get past what they did to her? If it was Abby..." he trailed off, shaking his head.

Tony's gaze sharpened. "You'd what, Probie? Love her less? Leave her to face the memories alone? Give up on all your dreams because she can't give you the physical stuff?"

His voice grew louder with each option and Tim drew back, frowning. "No, of course not. I love her, no restrictions." His expression became apologetic. "I'm sorry Tony, I hadn't thought about it that way."

Tony blew out a breath. "Yeah, well, you're off the hook this time."

They finished the last touches and packed up their tools, sweeping up the mess they'd made. McGee wandered over to Ziva's movie case and skimmed through the titles. "Hey Tony," he called, "want to watch Magnum while we wait for the girls to get back?"

Tony's eyes lit up briefly, then he shook his head. "Nah, I think we should try to fix the evidence of Ziva's morning and maybe clean up a bit." He raised an eyebrow. "Abby does have you trained well enough to vacuum and use a broom, right?"

McGee had to work hard not to look completely shocked, and in the end he wasn't sure if he succeeded or not. "You do realize you're turning down a chance to watch your favourite TV show on a Saturday afternoon?"

Tony looked a little pained, but offered no comment. Without questioning him further, Tim picked up a shirt and started folding it, while Tony headed for Ziva's bedroom to grab a couple storage containers. It was clear that something serious was going on here, but McGee wasn't entirely certain it was any of his business. Still, that didn't mean he couldn't try to figure it out.

Half an hour later the chaos was neatly packed away in labeled containers and Tony started collecting the necessary cleaning supplies to execute his plan. McGee stared at him incredulously, and laughed out loud. "DiNozzo, you're acting like you're married."

Tony turned to look at him, a dangerous curiosity lighting his eyes. "And what would you know about that, McStill Dating the Love of His Life?"

Having no response that wouldn't give away his and Abby's secret, McGee shut up, but Tony wasn't letting it go that easily. "Speaking of Abby, how are things with you and our dark angel?"

As a reflex Tim reached for his keys where his ring was, but they were in his coat. "Things are good Tony." He allowed himself a small smile, remembering the way Abby had woken him up that morning. "Better than ever."

"Okaaayyy," Tony drew the word out. "So when are you going to do something about making this deal permanent, McProcrastination? It's been months!" This was his little sister they were talking about, and the probie needed to commit sooner vs. later.

Two 'McNicknames' in as many minutes made McGee wince. "Just because you have no patience..." he tried, but the crossed arm, I need a serious answer now look Tony was giving him meant that tangent wouldn't work. Finally Tim met Tony's stare. "You're one to be giving me advice. This coming from the man who's scared to tell his best friend he's in love with her."

The shadow that crossed Tony's eyes told Tim the blow hit home. "Right," he said flatly, but then decided to let it go rather than elaborate on how different their situations were.

Tim reached for the vacuum. "I'll start with the livingroom, you want to work on the kitchen floor?"

The change of subject declared a truce and an end to the grave nature of their conversation. It also fueled Tony's interest. Why was McGee avoiding talking about Abby? It was obvious his friend was smitten, had been for a long time. But it was also clear he wasn't giving any more up at the moment.

"Uh huh," Tony said slowly, "sure."

They got to work, but the silence was full of unsettled secrets.

**NCIS**

While the guys were cleaning, Abby was having the time of her life helping Ziva shop. Ziva on the other hand, was just trying to survive the experience. Abby had taken them to the largest, most fashionable maternity boutique in DC, though Ziva didn't dare ask how she knew where it was. After grabbing a cart, the Goth proceeded to pick out every piece of clothing that looked even the least bit interesting.

As much as Ziva was fairly content to let Abby go crazy at first and she would chose selectively at the end, there were a few things she was adamant about. Seeing the shirt her friend had just gotten off a rack, Ziva shook her head. "No short sleeves Abby."

Abby opened her mouth to protest. "Why not? Look at it Ziva, this is adorable! It would look great on you!"

Ziva narrowed her eyes. "No Abby," she declared firmly. Then her tone softened. "Besides, it is the middle of winter outside, short sleeves would be too cold."

It took Abby a minute to accept the lame excuse. She bit her lip. "What about cut?" That answer, however, she'd pretty much figured out before Ziva drew a shallow curve along her collarbone. Desperately wishing she knew more about the scars her friend was hiding, Abby nonetheless pasted on a bright smile. "Alright then, let's do this!"

Mild fear coloured Ziva's expression as she spent more than an hour trailing Abby around the store before the Goth dragged her to a changeroom, dropped an armful of clothes in Ziva's arms and grinned. "Time to play model Ziva. I want to see everything."

Groaning inside, Ziva did as she was told. Halfway through the massive pile of clothes Abby had accumulated, Ziva was sure the girl was adding more every time her back was turned, because it didn't seem to be getting any smaller. Upon Abby's insistence, Ziva came out in a pair of faded, dark blue jeans with a stretchy waist that fit discretely over her growing belly, and a long sleeve fushia top with a built in white tank top part that came to her collarbone.

Abby grinned. "Ziva, you look amazing! I love that shirt. I can hardly even tell you're pregnant."

Ziva didn't take her friend's comment as a bad thing, but instead examined her appearance in the full length mirror and finally smiled just a little. It was a flattering outfit. But at Abby's next comment, her momentary contented feeling evaporated.

"Ziva," she asked without warning, "do you love Tony?"

Spinning back to face the Goth with an expression that betrayed her shock, Ziva gaped at her. "What?"

Abby shrugged and looked away. "I just..." she sighed. "It's been months since you came home to us Ziva and Tony...he's falling so hard." Looking up, she met Ziva's eyes again, trying to find her answer amongst the confusion and fear. "He's like my brother Ziva, and you're my best friend next to Timmy. I don't want either of you to get hurt."

Panic threatened to overwhelm Ziva as she stared at Abby. Love? Love Tony? As if she had any right to that possibility. She couldn't think about that now. It wasn't the time for her to figure out what she wanted. The baby had to be her first priority. Absently, she caressed the front of her small bump. Her child had to be her focus. For now, her heart and wherever it stood with feelings for the man who played the part of her best friend, would have to be on the last burner.

Ziva took a few deep breaths. "Do not worry Abby, I will not get close enough to hurt Tony." Words from the Damocles case popped into her head. _"Be careful Doctor," _she'd warned Ducky, _"those who get too close always end up hurt."_ It was a painful promise.

Abby's troubled eyes followed Ziva back into the changeroom. "Don't you see Ziva?" she whispered. "You're already too close. And this is either going to be a disaster, or the best thing that's ever happened to either of you." She touched her rings under her shirt. "Please love him Ziva," she begged her friend unseen. "You have no idea how much Tony needs you." Abby didn't want her friends to miss out on what she and Tim already had.

**NCIS**

Despite Abby's attempt to push a whole new wardrobe off onto Ziva, the Israeli worked very hard to be frugal. She chose an assortment of tops in different colours and styles, and five pairs of pants and jeans. Though Abby did manage to talk her into a few accessories like scarves, sweaters, sleepwear and a cute wrap, Ziva drew the line at the very comfortable boots and anything else Abby fell in love with.

However, this was a gift. So without Ziva being aware, Abby disappeared while Ziva debated between two pairs of pyjamas and collected everything she remembered the other woman even hinting about liking. She also chose larger sizes of Ziva's favourite items and brought them with her. Ziva didn't notice the additions until they got up to the checkout.

Her eyes widened. "Abby." It was a warning.

Sort of ignoring her, Abby handed the clerk three credit cards before turning back to her friend. "First, this is a gift and no you aren't allowed to argue with us. And second," she winked, "you'll thank me when you hit eight months and you have nothing else to wear."

Ziva's lip trembled and a tear escaped before she blinked the rest of them away and nodded slowly. "Thank you Abby."

The dark haired girl smiled. "It's from all of us. Family, remember?"

Gratefulness shone in Ziva's eyes and that alone was enough to make everything worthwhile.


	13. Chapter 13

Ziva blamed the hormones for her tears when Abby split the rather ridiculous total of her clothes between three different credit cards. She was so amazed at the gift that she couldn't even muster the right words to argue against taking their help.

Her tears came again when they got back to her apartment to find everything she'd pulled out this morning now neatly folded and packed in two storage containers labeled "Summer", for the season in which she would hopefully be able to wear them again.

On top of that, Tim and Tony had been busy cleaning - dishes and vacuuming were done, every flat surface had been dusted, the floor was washed and they'd even scoured the bathroom. Pasta was simmering on the stove, steamed vegetables sat in a pot and the small kitchen table was set for four.

The guys' faces lit up when 'their' girls walked back in loaded with bags, and tried not to look guilty. Seeing Ziva's face full of happiness because of the love her friends were showing and the maternity wear she and Abby had found, the boys called for a fashion show while dinner finished cooking.

Abby seemed thrilled with the idea and Ziva less so, now tired of trying on clothes - shopping with Abby was an exhausting experience. So they compromised on three different outfits and then disappeared into Ziva bedroom to sort out their purchases.

When everyone had thoroughly complimented the new additions to Ziva's wardrobe and she'd returned a heartfelt thanks for their contribution, the four friends sat down to share the meal. Of course, with Tony and Abby in the same space there was no lack of stories to tell and a full hour of laughter ensued. And since everyone was already there Tony, predictably, suggested card and boardgames and an impromptu movie night.

No one was of the mind to refuse because it had been months since their last group night like this, so they all settled down to enjoy the evening together. Throughout the night, Ziva found her gaze consistently drawn to McGee and Abby. There was something different about them, a new joy and closeness that enveloped the two in their own private world whenever their gazes met. So Ziva studied their interactions for hours, trying to discern what had changed.

The only slightly awkward moment came when they piled onto the couch to watch the movie. McGee had his arm around Abby and Tony and Ziva were sitting close as was their custom. Ziva became distinctly aware of the separation though, half of them was a couple and the other half strictly friends, but that didn't stop a feeling of belonging from stealing over her as they all spent time together. Ziva decided it was something she wanted more often.

She still hadn't pinpointed the different in McGee and Abby by the end, but the longing in Tony's eyes when he stayed behind and leaned down to kiss her cheek before leaving distracted her completely. She put her finger to the skin his lips had touched after the door was safely closed. It was a night, and a moment, she wouldn't soon forget.

**NCIS**

Sunday morning Ziva left her building with the intention of driving to the pool. It was kind of blustery out and not a good day for a walk. A beeping horn caught her attention and she frowned at the snow dusted vehicle to her left. Tony rolled the window down and grinned.

"Come on Ariel, the car's already warm."

Incomprehension coloured her expression as she accepted the offer and got in. "What did you call me?"

He glanced at her as he pulled out of the parking lot. "Ariel. You know - Disney princess who used to be a mermaid? Long red hair? Fell in love with a human prince?" At Ziva blank look, Tony sighed. "I have got to introduce you to the classics."

Ziva wasn't sure how to respond to the comment. In fact, she wasn't sure how to respond to Tony in general. Ever since last night he had been at the front of her mind, like lyrics to a song that just kept playing over and over again. She sighed and turned her face to the window.

Tony's innocent kiss on her cheek had haunted her, for lack of a better word. Ziva's night had been filled with dreams that included a future she couldn't allow herself to hope for. How was it possible that he could affect her so much? Finally she settled for an almost argumentative reply of, "My hair is not red."

"No," Tony grinned, "but you swim like you were born in the water."

Ziva didn't meet his eyes and Tony noticed with surprise that a faint red was staining her cheeks. His eyebrows jumped up. What had he said to make the ninja blush? "Sleep well?" he asked, feeling the situation out.

Her answer was a non-committal, "Hmm."

Lucky for whoever wished to avoid whatever was coming next, they arrived at the pool. Ziva hurried away to get changed and Tony settled into his usual chair by the wall. Out of habit, he flipped open his phone to give the pretense of distraction, but his eyes were drawn to his partner as if her presence was a magnet.

By now he was certain neither of them believed he was playing Tetris anymore, but Ziva wouldn't say anything and he wouldn't admit to it. As Tony watched Ziva's graceful movements, his thoughts were thrown into confusion. Something felt different today and he was determined to figure out what was going on.

**NCIS**

Tony held his phone loosely in one hand and counted laps as Ziva crossed the pool again and again. When she hit thirty, he whistled, even though she was perfectly capable of counting for herself, and Ziva lifted a hand to indicate she'd heard.

Swimming to the edge, she pulled herself out on one knee and Tony could clearly see her small baby bump as the wet material clung to Ziva's frame. Swallowing hard, he looked away and played Pac-Man until his partner came out of the changeroom in sweatpants and a gray hoody, still in the midst of toweling off her hair.

Despite the fact that Ziva was acting strange with him, there was no question that their next stop would be the diner. Tony smiled at Helen when they walked in and kept his hand at Ziva's back until they reached their usual spot. The waitress finished with the people at the front and hurried over with menus.

"Well now, if it isn't my favourite people. What are you two doing out on such an awful day?"

Tony grinned. "I'm practicing for the dogsled races."

Ziva raised an eyebrow. "Wrong state Tony."

Helen laughed. "Always with the jokes, this one." She patted Tony's arm. "You keep my life interesting young man."

"That's my job," he quipped. The charm was practically oozing off him and Ziva felt the need to revert to soldier tactics so as not to be affected.

With a shake of her head, Helen handed a menu to each of them. "I'm sure you know it backwards and forwards by now, but the boss likes when I give them out."

"Breakfast burrito and a chocolate milk," Tony decided right away, then noticed Ziva was still scanning the pages, worrying her lip with her teeth. "Uh, actually, we'll just need a minute."

"Of course," the woman smiled. "Holler when you're ready."

Tony touched Ziva's hand and she jumped, looking at him. "Hey, what do you feel like?"

Frowning, Ziva continued her perusal of the well-worn menu. "I do not know. Nothing sounds right." She sighed. "Maybe I will just have milk."

"Not good enough," Tony disagreed. "I'd hate to have to tell Mandy that you're not eating properly."

Ziva stared at him. "Who said you could come again?"

_Okay, not in a mood to be messed with,_ Tony noted, forcing a smiled. "Come on Zi, there are like a zillion choices. One of them's got to be good."

Glancing at him skeptically, Ziva dropped her eyes back to the page. A few minutes later, she smiled. "Tapioca."

Tony made a face. "Interesting choice for breakfast." Her expression immediately warned him that if he valued his life, he would not critique her selection any more. He held up his hands. "Okay then. Waitress!"

Helen returned with her pen and paper ready and Tony repeated his order, then nodded at Ziva. "A glass of milk and a bowl of tapioca pudding please. Can you warm it up?"

The older woman looked offended. "Can't possibly serve it any other way. Do you want raisins in that dear?"

Ziva considered the suggestion momentarily, then shook her head. "No thank you. Just plain is fine."

"Comin' right up!" Helen decreed, rushing to the kitchen to badger Dan. They were the funniest pair. Tony and Ziva often made a game of watching and listening to them and trying to guess from hand gestures and facial expressions what they were arguing about.

While they waited, Tony began to put his plan into action. "Did you have a good time with the McCouple last night?" he asked, using his new favourite label for Abby and McGee. Ziva's avoidance of eye contact confirmed his suspicion that whatever was going on with her today had something to do with the previous evening.

Ziva's smile was faint and forced. "It was good to spend time together. We have not done something like that since October."

Tony thought back to the Sunday afternoon they'd gotten together as a group at his place - sharing favourite card games and watching a selection of retro TV shows. It was enough to distract him briefly. "That was the first time I heard you laugh since you came home."

Ziva glanced at his face then away, her finger following the pattern on the table cloth. "It was a good day." Still trying to keep his attention elsewhere, she bit her lip. "Are Abby and McGee alright?"

Tony's brow furrowed. "Why wouldn't they be? Abs say something while you guys were out?"

Ziva shook her head. "It is more what she is not saying that I am concerned about. There is something her in eyes that she is hiding."

Knowing Ziva could read people, Tony trusted her instincts. "McGeek has been acting a little jumpy lately, and he was awfully quick to change the subject when I asked about Abby." He crossed his arms. "Do you think they're having problems?"

Ziva combed her fingers through her hair, making Tony wish he could do the same. Her hair was so soft... Suddenly she was speaking again and Tony snapped to attention, hoping he hadn't been caught staring. "No, not problems, but..." she shrugged. "There is something they are not telling us."

Helen came over before Tony had time to appreciate Ziva's use of 'us', and presented their food. "One breakfast burrito and a bowl of tapioca goodness. Enjoy!"

Tony was hungry and dug right into his burrito, but Ziva didn't seem nearly as desperate, blowing slowly on a spoonful of pudding before finally taking a bite. When they were halfway through their meal, Tony swallowed his mouthful and took a gulp of chocolate milk.

"So, did you do anything fun after we left last night?"

Ziva's grip on her spoon tightened, betraying her annoyance at his return to the subject she thought they'd left. While Tony wasn't a huge fan of her reaction, he loved knowing his partner well enough to pick up on her subtle tells. "It was late Tony," she said shortly, "I went to bed."

He lifted an eyebrow. "With or without tea and a book?"

A hint of a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. He really did know her too well. "It was about castles," she admitted.

A grin quirked Tony's lips. "You want to live in a castle someday, Lady Ziva?" It was a title only Mike Franks used for her.

Shadows flitted through her eyes. "There are too many ghosts in castles."

Tony grew serious as he finally got back to his original quest - trying to figure out what was bothering her. He stroked the inside of her wrist with his fingers. "Any of those ghosts show up last night?" He was grateful she wasn't having the nightmares as frequently as she had in the beginning, but they still came and he hated what they did to her.

Ziva jerked her arm away from his touch like it had burned her. "I do not want to talk about it," she bit out.

Her tone was enough of a warning but Tony did not always pay attention. "Ziva..."

"Tony please!" Her eyes were bright, a desperation he didn't recognize shimmering in them.

He held up his hands. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry." Tony let out a breath and returned them to a lightness that was more comfortable. "So, how about a _Pink Panther_ marathon for this afternoon? I have the whole collection."

As much as she dreaded more time alone with her partner, Ziva wanted to keep their traditions of the past couple months because it let her pretend, for a little bit longer, that this - whatever it was they were doing - was okay. She agreed with a small nod, never moving her gaze from her breakfast. Tony was one of the only people she was afraid of, because with one look he could read her far too well. The thing was, he didn't give up easily either. Today especially it was a dangerous combination.

**NCIS**

Ziva started packing up her things early, around four o'clock Monday afternoon, and Tony looked at her curiously. "Plans?"

She glanced across the space between their desks. "I have another doctor's appointment."

"Oh." His gaze flitted around as he tried to choose the right words. "Umm...want company?" Ziva's eyes flashed to Gibbs' desk and Tony understood. "Boss?" The silver haired man looked up, waiting. "Permission to escort Ziva?"

Gibbs looked back and forth between them before jerking his head towards the elevator. "On her six." If Ziva went alone, there was no way Tony would be able to concentrate at all for the next hour. It was easier just to let them go together.

Tony grinned and Ziva accepted the inevitable, that she had a permanent shadow now, if she hadn't already noticed that. "Yes Boss." He followed her to the elevator and held out an arm. "Ladies first."

Ziva's expression was slightly unbelieving. "There was a time when you would not have called me that."

Tony leaned back against the wall thoughtfully. "There was a time when I was an idiot."

She laughed, her tone teasing. "Only once?"

The look he gave her was far from humourous. "No Ziva," Tony said finally, "I was an idiot for a long, long time."

Ziva turned away from the depth in her partner's gaze. If he didn't stop looking at her like that, love and regret and missed opportunities that tore at her heart, she was really going to be in trouble. Ziva wasn't ready to love him yet, but neither could she let him go. Tony wasn't the only one who was falling.

**NCIS**

When Mandy met them in Exam Room #3, she smiled. "Hello Ziva, how are you feeling today?"

She shrugged. "I am fine."

"Has the baby been active?"

Ziva frowned and suppressed her urge to run her hand soothingly over the gentle roundness of her abdomen. "I have not felt anything yet."

Dr. Meyers glanced at her file. "Well, you're just nineteen weeks. You can start noticing movement anywhere between now eighteen and twenty-two weeks."

Beside her, Ziva could feel Tony relax and she realized he'd automatically thought something was wrong.

"Alright, well, I'd like you to lay down on the table Ziva, and I'll check a few things. Unless there's something you want to talk about or any concerns you have, these next few appointments will be relatively short."

Ziva did not look at her partner. "Do I need to get undressed?" Tony tensed, ready to make a quick exit if that was the case. She appreciated his sensitivity.

Mandy shook her head. "Not for the exam. I'll just need you to lift up your shirt for the ultrasound later."

Tony stayed where he was when Ziva moved to the table, not really sure what his role was this time. Ziva didn't seem to need his support now, last time she'd asked for it. He watched at the doctor gently but firmly ran her hands over Ziva's bump, which still only just visible when she wore looser shirts, but much more noticeable in the tighter, attractive maternity tops Abby had helped pick out.

Dr. Meyers got Ziva to sit up and took her blood pressure and listened to her heart, chatting all the while even though Ziva did not respond. She asked a few general questions and finally sat on a stool. "I have to apologize Ziva. When we met last week I wasn't familiar with your case. Dr. Mallard just said a young woman he was close to needed an initial appointment and a dating ultrasound, I was doing a favour for an old friend."

She tapped her pen against the closed folder. "But after our appointment I requested your medical files." Mandy cocked her head to the side. "It was a tough read. I'm afraid I asked some questions that were crass, considering your situation."

Ziva looked uncomfortable and Tony had to resist the urge to go over and take her hand. "So, now you know."

"I know enough," Mandy agreed. "And it helps to explain a few things. You're a little small for nineteen weeks, but that's to be expected since you hadn't time to get completely well again between coming back and finding out you were pregnant."

Biting her lip, Ziva did touch her stomach gently this time. "But the baby is okay?"

The anxiety and uncertainty was typical for any expectant mother. "Your baby is fine," Mandy smiled. "Today's ultrasound will actually be to find out if it is a boy or a girl. You're far enough along to tell now." Ziva glanced down and then at Tony for the briefest second. Dr. Meyers took the hint. "I'll let you think about it for a minute while I go get the equipment."

As soon as the door was closed, Tony turned to her. "What do you think Zi? Do you want to know what you're having?"

Ziva wrinkled her brow. "I am having a baby Tony. I do not think gender matters. It is not like I can change that now."

"So you're not even at all curious?" he persisted.

"This is all still so...strange," Ziva tried to explain. "Being pregnant, knowing that more is still going to change in my life." She shrugged. "I do not think I am ready to get so attached."

She already was attached, but Tony wasn't going to tell her that. "Well, there's lots of time to find out later if you change your mind."

Her smile was small. "Thank you Tony." He didn't have to ask what for.

Ziva informed Mandy of her decision when the doctor returned and they were sent on their way. Ziva hadn't asked, but Tony's opinion would've preferred guessing to finding out for sure. He had a sense that he wasn't quite ready to share and Ziva wasn't ready for him to be that involved. So he kept quiet, just glad to be included.


	14. Chapter 14

"Ziver," Gibbs' voice snapped her out of her concentration. She and Tony had been comparing notes on a suspect and trying to match his movements with the victims'. Ziva looked up and Gibbs' eyes were on the clock. "You're late."

It was eleven oh five, Devon would be calling any minute. She made a frustrated noise in her throat and dropped the pile of papers on her partner's desk. "Tony, I will be back." Though his expression begged to know where she was going, his lips didn't form the question.

Instead he nodded. "See you in bit."

Ziva quickly made her way downstairs to Dr. Andrews' office. Jarrin, Devon's secretary, put down the phone when she walked in. "Agent David, I was just trying to call you."

"Thank you Jarrin," Ziva smiled at the other woman and opened Devon's office door. Her therapist looked up, a relieved smile on her face. "Sorry I am late. Tony and I were doing research and I lost track of time."

Devon poured her patient a cup of tea and let her add what she wanted. "I was just hoping you hadn't taken me seriously when I told you therapy is optional. Because I really do think our time together is helping."

The Israeli woman sat on the right side of the couch and looked down at her mug. "So do I," she said softly.

"How are you sleeping?" It wasn't always the first question, but the doctor never failed to work it in somewhere.

Ziva shrugged. "Sometimes well and sometimes not. It is a relief to not face the nightmares every time I close my eyes, but still I am on edge even at rest, alert in case they come back."

Her words could have been interpreted to mean the dreams, or the men who haunted them. "That kind of awareness is natural Ziva, especially after what you've survived. In time it will ease and I promise, talking about the dreams helps even if it's not your favourite thing to do."

"Some dreams are more dangerous than others." Ziva's comment alerted Devon to a subject change.

"Is that because you wish they could be real?" she asked gently.

"We do not always get what we want," Ziva replied flatly, and Devon decided it was time to move on.

"Did you have a good weekend?"

Ziva nodded. "Saturday was...unexpected."

"In what way?"

Gesturing to the shirt she wore, which nicely showcased her bump, Ziva smiled. "Abby and I went shopping because suddenly none of my clothes fit. Then everyone stayed for dinner and a movie." She didn't mention the kiss on the cheek, that was her secret to keep.

"Everyone?" Devon inquired.

"Tony was already there," Ziva admitted, "and McGee came with Abby. They fixed the sink, cleaned my apartment and started dinner."

"Wow," Dr. Andrews laughed. "You ladies sure have those guys well trained."

The light in Ziva's eyes faded. "I think I need to get back to work."

"Do you?" Devon lifted one eyebrow, checking the clock. That was so far the shortest length of time before Ziva had tried to leave. "Or are you just trying to run away?"

"I have always run away."

It was useful insight, though sad to think about and Ziva's quiet words surprised her therapist. "But this time you have so much more to lose."

Silence filled the room for more seconds than Dr. Andrews would've liked. Finally, with a sigh, Ziva leaned back against the couch. "I will stay."

Devon smiled. "Good. Now I can help."

**NCIS**

Tony lay stretched out on his couch Tuesday night. It was quiet and dark and he was alone. Ziva had texted him an hour ago to say she wasn't coming over for dinner. When he asked why, she avoided the question and told him not to worry. He sighed. These days the easiest way to make him worry was to tell him it wasn't necessary.

A month and a half of tradition and Ziva had never cancelled on him for dinner or movie night. The closest she'd gotten was leaving early once, and Tony knew now it was only because she'd been pre-occupied about the tests Ducky was running.

For the tenth time Tony picked up the phone to call his partner, then set it down again. Ziva wasn't here, so obviously she didn't want to be around him. Calling would probably not be a good idea. In a fit of moping and some serious self-confidence issues, Tony grabbed the phone again and dialed another familiar number.

"Hi Tony," she said a moment later and he smiled faintly. _Gotta love caller ID._

"Hey Abs," he said quietly.

The heaviness in his tone caught her attention and Abby motioned to Tim that she would take the call upstairs. "What's wrong big brother?" she asked, concern infusing her normally buoyant voice with gentleness.

He ran a hand down his face. "Remember when you used to call me after a bad dream and not say a word? You'd just listen to me breathe because you needed to know someone else was there?"

Sitting comfortably on her bed, Abby glanced at her husband's side. She hadn't called Tony since Ziva came back. "I remember."

Tony held the phone tighter against his ear. "Tonight I just need to know someone else is there."

"Oh Tony," her voice was small and sad, "I'll always be here, I promise."

"I know." He nodded even though she couldn't see him. "That's why I called."

"I love you Tony," Abby whispered. "It's gonna be okay." She knew that whatever was wrong now, it was about Ziva.

"I'm just gonna...listen to you breathe for awhile, okay Abs?" It sounded like he was struggling to hold back tears and Abby's heart was breaking for this man she cared about so deeply.

"For as long as you want," the Goth responded when she could speak without losing control.

Tony changed positions a little and got as comfortable as he could on the couch. Then he shifted his gaze to the door and decided he'd wait a little bit longer. _It's getting so hard to just be your friend Zi. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing you completely._

**NCIS**

Near the end of the next day, Tony was still trying to hold things together. Sitting across from Ziva all morning and pretending everything was okay was taking more effort than he was used to. Tim waited until they were alone, with the rest of the team elsewhere doing other things to keep busy, before he walked over and dropped a small card on Tony's desk.

He thought back to last night, how he'd come upstairs to find Abby sitting on their bed with the phone held to her ear, looking like she was going to cry. McGee had wrapped his arms around her, letting her take whatever comfort she needed from him.

For more than an hour Abby lay with him, until she was finally sure Tony was asleep. She whispered "Good night" into the phone and broke the connection. Too sad to shed any tears, Abby had only curled her arm around McGee's neck. "I wish this wasn't so hard for them."

Later, Tim had been flipping through a book and found a quote he thought Tony needed to see. The senior field agent looked up with tired eyes. "What's this?"

McGee shrugged. "Open it and see."

Tony untucked the envelope flap and pulled out the small piece of card stock. "When the rest of the world tells you to give up, hope says try one more time." He looked confused. "I don't understand."

Tim slid his hands into his pockets. "Abby told me about last night. Don't give up Tony," he urged his friend quietly, "you're just what she needs."

Swallowing the emotion suddenly welling up in his throat, Tony dropped the card into his shirt pocket and nodded. "Thanks Tim. Really."

McGee smiled. "Yeah, anytime."

Ziva walked back in and down, effectively ending the conversation. But as he watched his partner and glanced at the small envelope on his desk, Tony smiled. He had good friends who cared enough to hope when he couldn't. It meant a lot.

**NCIS**

Abby walked downstairs to put in another load of laundry Wednesday night and found her husband sitting on the couch looking very pensive. Switching focus, she went over and sat beside him, rubbing her hand down his back. "Timmy? What's wrong?"

McGee turned his head and tried to smile. "You'll laugh."

Her eyes flashed with indignation. "I would never!" Then a sheepish look crept over Abby's face. "Okay, well, maybe I have before. But not when it's really, really, really important."

Tim looked across the room at the pristine white paper emerging from his typewriter. "I don't know what to do about Tommy and Lisa."

Abby frowned. "In your book?"

He nodded gravely. "Everyone knows the characters are based on Tony and Ziva, but after Somalia..." he sighed. "I can't pretend nothing happened to her, you know how different she is now. But at the same time, what Ziva went through - it's too personal to write about."

Abby pulled her feet up and turned to face him, sitting cross-legged. "You haven't been writing lately." That fact worried her. Being married to Tim was the first time she'd ever been able to really see what it was like when he wrote, but so far it hadn't been good.

"I've sat in front of my typewriter so many times, but nothing comes." Tim shrugged. "I've never been blocked this bad. I think I got all of two lines when I tried a couple weeks ago."

Abby frowned. "Has your editor been asking for more?"

McGee shook his head. After the scandal with his last editor, he'd been hesitant to trust a new one. But he turned out to be a great guy - understanding, encouraging, and willing to give space when it was needed. "Thom E Gemcity is still riding out the success of Rock Hollow, but David would still be interested in seeing more in the next couple months."

Considering an idea, Abby looked at him. "Are you trying to make it the same?"

He frowned. "The same?"

"Yeah. Are you trying to give this new one the same feel as Deep Six and Rock Hollow and the others that came before?"

Tim leaned back against the couch. "I don't know. To be honest, I've never been a hundred percent sure where I was going."

Abby looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I started writing with The Eagle Conspiracy and followed it up with A Fowl Plot. I was going for a bird theme, thought I was pretty clever at the time," McGee chuckled.

She thought for a minute. "You know, I'm not sure I've ever seen the early ones. Did you use cases?"

He nodded. "The first was the Air Force One case, when Kate joined the team. Book Two was based off Ducky's meat puzzle mystery."

"That was before you were on Gibbs' team," Abby pointed out.

Tim's eyes were thoughtful. "Kate helped me with them."

"Kate knew?" Abby asked. She hadn't even known about the books until they met Sarah.

McGee met her eyes. "Kate was one of my biggest fans and she gave me a lot of great ideas for stuff that happened before my time. The third book was an experiment, a compilation of short stories taken from cases the team worked. It was called Delusions of Immortality and Other Tales. It got a decent reception with titles like Voice From Beyond, Bride by Bondage, Gitmo Gems, Blind Girl's Gift and Submarine Sabotage, but the overall opinion was that one full length story would be better."

Abby was busy trying to match the story titles to cases from her memory, they were decently clever. The she frowned. "Okay. I know what Deep Six was about and it was Book Five, what was the one before that?"

Tim sighed. "I took some time off after Kate died, it really messed with my head. I wasn't even sure I was going to keep writing, but I got the feeling she wouldn't want me to quit. So in Book Four, Taunting Terrorist, I told her story."

"You wrote about Ari?" Abby's eyebrows disappeared under her bangs.

"I did. And it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. I think that was the one that really caught people's attentions, because I made it real. It was kind of like therapy, writing about what we went through with Ari and Kate's death and Ziva joining the team. But I didn't really start writing about character relationships until Deep Six."

"So Deep Six became the series name then?" Abby wondered.

McGee shrugged. "It fit and I liked it and it worked with Rock Hollow as well, but again after what happened with Landon and you almost-" he slid his fingers between hers and held on tight. "I had to take another break after that and I really haven't been able to get back into it. I just don't want anyone else to get hurt."

Abby rubbed her thumb gently along his baby finger. "Aside from potentially obsessed fans, is the difference Somalia made all that's holding you back?"

"I'm lost Abbs," he admitted. "I don't know where to go this time."

"Make it different," she said softly. "Make it something new. Things have changed, we've changed. There's a lot you could put into a book, probably several more, but you're going to have to tell the hard stories in a new way. And you're going to have to settle for this one being unique among the others."

"Have you always been this smart?" McGee asked, kissing the back of her hand.

Abby grinned. "Only since about first grade. So," she stood up and led him towards the desk, "do you need any help?"

"I could use a hug," he decided and was rewarded with one of her best, "and then I guess I've got some planning to do."

"Don't forget about Amy and McGregor," Abby put in, "remember that Tommy and Lisa aren't the only ones who've changed."

Tim looked down at his ring finger. "Can't forget Abbs. I'll see what I can do."

Abby walked towards the laundry room, then turned back, "McGee?"

"Hmm?"

"You know that no matter what anyone else thinks, you'll always be my hero, right?"

A grin spread over McGee's face. "It's my favourite job Abbs, promise." Then he sat down and pulled out a pen.

**NCIS**

_Junior_ with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny Devito was the fare served up for Movie Night on Thursday. It was a choice on the line - funny but also touching and Tony hoped that with a few weeks to get used to being pregnant, Ziva would be able to enjoy both aspects.

After an hour she got up and went down the hall so Tony paused the movie, now convinced that everything he'd heard about how much pregnant women went to the bathroom was actually true. It amused him slightly but Ziva was annoyed at losing a measure of control over her body.

Then, in one moment, everything changed. Ziva was fixing her hair when she suddenly felt something and froze. Waiting, she placed her hand over the spot and felt it again - a tiny movement that came from inside her. Ziva's eyes widened and her mouth fell open as she realized this was her baby. The tiny perfect life in her womb was growing and changing and now moving. Excitement suffused her face and she rushed back to the livingroom.

Tony took one look at her face and his became a mask of concern and confusion. "Zi?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

She sat down right beside him and took his hand, pressing it lightly against the roundness slowly becoming more noticeable in her body. "Do you feel it?"

Tony held his breath, waiting. When the sensation came again, Ziva's smile lit up. "There."

Closing his eyes, Tony concentrated really hard, finally sighing in disappointment. "I don't feel anything."

Her face fell and she let go of his hand. "That is not fair."

Tony tilted her chin up. "What does it feel like?" He didn't want to be left out of this moment.

Ziva thought about the question. "It is like a little...flutter."

He grinned. "I'm happy for you Ziva, that's great." Tony eyed her carefully, knowing better than to assume on her emotional state. "What are you thinking?" She hadn't really talked much about her feelings regarding the situation and he hadn't wanted to pry.

Ziva's hands ran gently over the small bump. "I think..." she said softly, "I think I feel like a mother." Her baby was real now. Not just a picture on an ultrasound or a rapid heartbeat, but something she could feel and almost touch.

Tony's arm came around her shoulders and pulled her close to his side. The action was so instinctive that he barely thought about it, so he was glad when Ziva didn't question it. "You're amazing Zi," he whispered into her hair, "and you're going to be so great at this."

Sometimes Ziva wished she had his confidence.


	15. Chapter 15

It was late when Tim and Abby stepped out of the church after attending the Christmas Eve midnight Mass. Abby shivered in the cold air and blew out a breath, watching it freeze. Tim slid his arm around her waist and Abby leaned into him as they descended the stairs.

"It was a beautiful service, don't you think?" she asked.

McGee nodded. "For a priest, Father Nate gives pretty amusing sermons."

Abby was about to protest, then shrugged. "Father Nate is...unique."

Taking her mittened hand in his, Tim grinned. "I'm surprised he hasn't asked about us yet." When one of the priest's favourite parishioners suddenly began bringing a guy to church with her every week, he usually got curious.

She giggled. "Father Nate is very nosy. He asked after the first week, before you were umm...staying all the time."

Tim raised an eyebrow. "What did you say?"

Abby shrugged. "I told him you were my best friend, that you'd been through a rough time and we'd gotten very close."

"Did Father Nate have anything to say?" McGee wanted to know.

Abby met his eyes shyly. "He said that we made a great couple and he could tell from the way you looked at me that we were more than just best friends."

This was news to him. "Your response?"

"You know me, when I'm uncomfortable with the subject, I distract. But Father Nate wasn't having any of it so I told him I'd let him know if things between us ever changed."

"And?"

Abby made a face at him. "You're awfully curious tonight Timmy."

He gave her a look. "I've never heard this story before."

"Oh." She tilted her head to the side. "Well, the day after our wedding I caught Father Nate's eye as we were leaving and pointed to my rings. But he never asked to know the details."

"I hope he approves," Tim's voice was a low rumble in his chest as he leaned close to kiss her lips.

Abby grinned and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Can't see why he wouldn't. What's not to like?"

Her answer earned her another kiss and for several seconds the night and cold and everything else disappeared and it was just them, immersed in each other. When they came up for air, Abby couldn't keep the smile off her face. "Merry Christmas to you too," she whispered. Then just as quickly Abby left the circle of her husband's arms and danced a few steps away. "Let's go for a walk Timmy."

McGee, who by the look in his eyes had something very different in mind, glanced around them. "Abbs, it's freezing."

"Yeah," she said as if that was of no consequence, "but it's been two months since we took a walk in the moonlight."

Memories of their second date and a kiss under the stars tugged at Tim and he gave in. "Okay."

Abby bit her lip and tried not to look too pleased that she'd won. "I knew you'd say yes."

He rolled his eyes. "Everyone says I'm a pushover."

Regarding him seriously, Abby frowned. "I don't think they say that anymore. You've changed Tim."

He didn't say whether he agreed with her or not. "Maybe a little."

"More than a little. I remember our first, first date."

"Good or bad?" McGee asked, having a feeling they remembered it differently.

She fell into step beside him. "You were so cute, so shy, stuttering as you tried not to stare at my outfit too much." Abby tucked her hand into his elbow. "I didn't go out with good guys very often."

Silence spread between them for a minute and Tim's next thought took Abby back to the conversation they'd had the previous week about his writing. "That case about my book," he began, "why did you say we were all wrong for each other?"

Abby thought back. She's said Amy and McGregor, but even though she'd gotten really invested in the characters as being separate people from their real life counterparts, sometimes talking about the fictional couple was actually code for talking about her and McGee.

"It's what I wanted to believe, what I had to make myself believe," she said quietly. "We're complete opposites Timmy, practically from two different worlds. Never in a million years should we be able to work. And if I believed we were wrong for each other, than maybe it wouldn't be so bad that we weren't together."

"But we do work, right?" A hint of uncertainty crept into Tim's voice.

Abby nodded. "Better than I ever thought possible."

"So why...?" He left the question hanging and she sighed.

"After we broke up, it was never just best friends between us. The jealousy when we met someone else, the way we worked together, our worry for each other, memories we shared - every time I hugged you I realized what I was missing out on. I thought I'd lost my chance and even since then there were so many we never took."

"We took this one," McGee reminded her quietly. "I never stopped caring about you Abbs. We almost lost you more times than I want to remember." He brushed his fingers down her cheek. "I don't want to be without you again."

Abby smiled. "Good thing you married me then, huh?"

Tim's warm breath feathered over her skin before their lips met. "I hope I would've kept asking until you said yes."

Eyes twinkling, Abby spun away from him again and tossed a wink over one shoulder. "I'm pretty sure I wouldn't've said no more than once." Then she darted away, squealing with laughter as he gave chase.

Abby wove through the trees lining the street where her church stood and faked him around a lightpost. Finally McGee tacked her with a hug and leaned her against his car. "No fair playing hard to get Mrs. McGee," he said, panting as he caught his breath.

"Well, you wouldn't want your life to get boring now, would you?" she teased.

Another kiss was his reward, but they didn't stop there. Nothing mattered except her lips on his, moving in sync, the cold air making their shared warmth even more intense. A throat cleared behind them and Abby spun around, colour leaping into her cheeks to find her priest standing there.

"Father Nate!" she exclaimed, for once without anything to say.

The man chuckled. "If I didn't know you were married Abigail, I might have something to say about you making out with this guy in the church parking lot." He offered his hand to Tim. "Nathan Holt."

McGee nodded and grasped the proffered hand firmly. "Timothy McGee."

Father Nate smiled and looked between them. "Nice to finally meet you Tim. You're a smart man to have caught this one. Don't let her get away."

Tim moved his hands to rest on Abby's shoulders as she stood in front of him. "No sir, she promised."

The priest winked at the dark haired girl. "Good choice Abby. See you next week."

Rolling her eyes at the two of them, Abby just shook her head. "Merry Christmas Father Nate."

"Blessings to you," he called as he headed to his car.

She turned and buried her face in Tim's coat. "That's worse than if we got caught by Gibbs!"

McGee winced. "I don't know about that Abbs." He rubbed the back of his head. "Gibbs' reaction would hurt more than just being a little embarrassed." She turned to get into the car and he held the door for her. "I love you Abby."

Her grin returned. "I'll take it." She looked at him hopefully. "It's after midnight - time for presents?"

Tim shook his head. "Abby, you have to wait for daylight."

Abby turned his wrist. "So...five and a half hours?"

He groaned. "You really don't believe in sleep, do you?"

The look in her eyes was ardent enough start a fire. "Well, there are...other things we could be doing while we wait."

Tim swallowed hard. "I can think of a few."

She rested her hand on his knee. "Let's go home Tim."

All McGee could manage was a nod, and he had a feeling that he wouldn't be cold much longer. Spending time with his wife certainly qualified as a good way to spend the night before Christmas.

**NCIS**

Christmas had come faster than anyone expected, though Abby had been counting down days for the last two weeks. As usual the group, minus Matt who'd taken three days to go spend with his family in LA, gathered at Ducky's for dinner. It was an evening filled with fun and friendship and the memory of those who could no longer join them.

The next day, however, was business as usual - work did not stop simply because they'd celebrated a special holiday and made memories enough to last until the next year. Of particular note was Abby's contest for the best snowman to decorate Ducky's backyard. Ziva still had to swallow her laughter when she thought about how Tony accidentally tripped McGee causing him to tackle his snowman, which collapsed into a pile with Tim in the middle. After how much Tony teased his probie for having two left feet, no one would believe that it had actually been an accident and not pre-mediated genius.

Eleven o'clock on Tuesday morning found one member of Team Gibbs down two floors and sitting in a now-familiar office. After the usual small talk about nothing in particular that seemed to be a pre-requisite now for getting Ziva to talk, Devon leaned forward slightly. "You many not like this question Ziva, but I'd really like your honest answer." The Israeli tensed, but waited. Devon took a breath. "Do you ever see a relationship with Tony being possible?"

Ziva's eyes widened and her gaze immediately dropped to her growing belly as she ran one hand over it slowly. Dr. Andrews sighed. "Ziva, it's something you're going to have to face eventually. Tony has been very patient, but at some point he is going to ask you for what comes next. It would be helpful if you'd already thought about the answer."

Still the dark haired woman said nothing and Devon was content to let the silence rest for a few minutes, just to see if Ziva would say something. If not, she'd move on and try again in a couple of weeks. Sometimes that option worked, sometimes it didn't.

"It is not so easy as just answering that question," Ziva's voice was quiet, sad even. "There is so much more to think about than saying yes or no."

"And have you thought about it?" Devon asked.

"Sometimes it is all I have thought about," Ziva returned. "Over and over and over the questions circle in my mind until it drives me crazy." She shrugged. "So I still have all the same questions and no answers that make them easier."

Sensing that Ziva was not able to explain better than that, Devon glanced at her clipboard and chose a different subject. "This week is Hanukkah, is that right?"

With surprise in her gaze, Ziva looked up. "It is."

"Have you done anything for it?"

Ziva's fingers twisted together in her lap. "I have not been...observant in a long time."

Devon tilted her head to the side. "Does that bother you?"

Deep down inside, Ziva felt the loss. "Yes."

"It must be hard to think of celebrating when you are so far from home," Dr. Andrews commented. "Do you wish you were in Israel for the holidays?"

Ziva shook her head swiftly. "DC is my home now," she declared without reservation. Then she looked down. "But I do miss what my family was like when we spent Hanukkah together."

Devon drew her eyebrows together. "I'm sorry for your loss Ziva. You have given up a lot to be here."

Brushing her hand over her abdomen, Ziva smiled faintly. "It was worth it."

"You know," her therapist pointed out, "the week isn't over yet. Maybe you could still do something to celebrate, if you want. It might be time to make your own holiday tradition."

Ziva neither acknowledged the suggestion or had anything to say about it. Moving on, Devon leaned back in her chair. "What was the highlight of this week?"

Ziva's eyes softened. "I felt the baby move on Thursday."

"Does that change anything for you?"

"I feel like a mother now. I am not just carrying this child, I am connected to him or her. This is real," she finished in a slightly awed tone.

Devon shook her head slowly. "I really admire your strength Ziva, how hard you've fought to get to where you are. You're handling this situation with a great deal of grace."

Thoughts of the care and support that had been lavished on her since Somalia flooded Ziva's mind. "I am lucky," she said softly. "I am not alone."

"Knowing your family," Devon grinned, "I don't think that's something you'll have to worry about. And that is a good thing."

**NCIS**

Tuesday night Tony broke tradition a bit by actually taking Ziva out for dinner, instead of just making it at one of their apartments. It was a nice restaurant and Ziva enjoyed the atmosphere, music, and candlelight. That she was there with her best friend, a man who knew her better than almost anyone else, didn't hurt either.

"Ziva," Tony said, "I want to ask you something."

Ziva's heart jumped and her hand fell to her rounded abdomen. At five months she could no longer hide her pregnancy, but neither was she big by any means. She stared into Tony's eyes and wondered what his question was. An irrational part of her dreams pictured a proposal, for which she blamed entirely on the hormones. But her flight or fight instincts silently begged her best friend not to cross any of the lines she'd drawn.

In the months since she'd told Tony some of her darkest horrors from Somalia, Ziva had gotten more comfortable with the idea of there maybe, someday, being something more than friends between them. But with so much else going on, she wasn't ready for that step yet.

Watching Ziva's face closely, Tony bit back a smile, wishing he knew what she was thinking. He could read a lot of different things in her eyes, but right now he was only guessing at what they meant. Still, when he asked her that question, and it was definitely when, not if, Tony knew he wasn't going to warn her first. He didn't want her to have too much time to think about saying no.

Everything he saw and all the thoughts running through his head took mere seconds, and finally Tony finished what he'd started. "I've decided to buy a house and I wondering if you would come with me to look. After all," he grinned, "you'll be over for dinner and movie nights all the time, right?"

Tony's announcement took Ziva completely by surprise. He hadn't said anything about it before and that was a big change, normally Tony couldn't keep new ideas inside. She was both relieved and a little disappointed that it wasn't the other question. "Why a house Tony?" she asked, then teased to get rid of how serious the mood felt. "Are you running out of room in your apartment for your movie collection?"

He smiled but didn't take the bait. "Why a house?" Tony repeated, shrugging. "Just looking for something permanent, I guess."

The words hit Ziva's heart like a blow because he had just voiced what she'd been longing for since her return. After all the upheaval of the last several months, after a lifetime of being a nomad, caring for nothing and no one, her only possessions the weapons she carried on her body, Ziva wanted something that could not be taken away. She wanted roots and a home, she wanted to be happy. And a small voice inside her said that maybe, the man sitting across the table could be the answer to some of her deepest desires.

"Yes," she said finally, "I will come. It could be...fun, yes?"

"Yeah," Tony grinned, running his finger over her knuckles absently, "it could definitely be fun.

It had taken Ziva all of the months she'd been back to get used to the fact that Tony had a need to touch her now. Whereas before Somalia he had gotten in her personal space and teased her just for the pure joy of it, now he was more cautious and serious, touching her for comfort, to remember that this was real and in spite of everything else, she had survived.

Tony's care showed in all the little things. His hand at the small of her back when they entered and exited places with doors, tucking her hair back, his arm on the top of the couch just above her shoulders, holding or brushing her hand every chance he got, and most recently, one hand on her shoulder when he wanted her attention.

She found it strange and confusing sometimes, but at the same time oddly comforting. She was so used to his touch now that she would think something was wrong if he didn't touch her when they were in the same room. And if she wasn't so attuned to his every movement, Ziva might not even notice his touch. But she did. Like fire racing through her veins, the effect he had on her senses was impossible to ignore.

Tony, for his part, was so glad she'd said yes. He'd started planning for the future the day after they got her back, and he'd been carefully saving money for months. A house was just the next step, and if Ziva came, he'd be able to pick one she liked. It would just make things easier...later. But these days, later seemed a whole lot closer than it had been three months ago.

**NCIS**

When Ziva got home from Ops Wednesday night, Tony was pacing in the hallway outside her apartment. He looked distressed, his hair sticking up where he'd run his fingers through it. Instantly Ziva was both concerned and wary. Tony froze when he saw her, taking in her attire and appearance. It was obvious she'd come from the gym. He wondered fleetingly if she that's what she was doing three days a week, going back to use the NCIS training gym after they'd all left, and if so, why was it such a big secret?

Shaking his head, Tony focused back on what he came for. "Ziva, what are we doing?" he asked, his voice almost breaking.

Ziva lifted an eyebrow. "We are having a conversation in the hallway."

Tony registered that act with mild surprise. "Oh. Right. Uh...can we go inside?"

She shrugged. "You have a key."

He pulled his keyring from his coat pocket and grinned self-consciously. "So I do." Tony let them both in and turned on lights and heat while Ziva went to her room for a clean shirt and sweater.

"What is going on Tony?" she asked once she was settled on the couch.

With the baggy sweater on, it was still possible to miss the fact that his partner was nearly five months pregnant. That observation distracted Tony for a minute before he took a seat on the coffee table in front of her. "I just want to be clear Ziva, so neither of us get confused. Because this morning I was acting like a little kid who didn't want to share."

Both partners flashed back to noon. Matt had been responsible for the food run and remembered how Ziva liked her tea. She had been grateful for the hot drink and she and Matt got to chatting. When Ziva laughed, Tony looked up at the new agent with a dark glare, dragged his chair over to Ziva's desk and grabbed his sandwich from the box.

"Boss is in the lab with Abby, AP," he announced. "You might want to play delivery boy." The suggestion came out like an order, nothing casual about it.

Matt took it well enough, though both he and Ziva were surprised by the senior field agent's attitude. Tony pouted all the way through lunch and refused to explain himself to his partner. How could he tell her what was going through his head without sounding like a first class jerk and a hopeless dreamer all in one sentence?

Ziva tapped his knee with her hand to get his attention, she knew exactly what he was talking about. "Will you tell me now?"

Tony sighed and fixed his eyes on a worn spot in the couch. "I love hearing you laugh Zi, but uh..." he took a breath and ground out the words, finding the confession harder to make than he'd originally thought, "I just don't like it when another guy makes you happy like that."

She frowned. "What about Gibbs? And McGee? Are you going to be a grouch when they make me happy?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "McGee...McGee's family. And Gibbs, well, he's kind of adopted all of us." He hesitated. "I mean other guys...ones who might be...competition," he admitted at last.

The light went on for Ziva and she couldn't believe she hadn't seen it before. "Tony, you are jealous."

He hung his head and folded his hands together. "Yeah."

She shook her head. "Why? Because of Matt? He is a co-worker, just like you and McGee."

Tony's eyes snapped to hers. "I don't want him to be like that to you, like it is with us. We both know by now that there's so much more than co-workers between us. At least," his tone became pleading, "I hope there is."

Ziva's heart felt like it was beating out of sync, but she admitted the truth because it couldn't be denied. "It has been years since we were simply co-workers Tony."

His sigh was one of relief. "I'm going to tell you something Ziva, then I'll leave it at that." Tony chuckled nervously. "When you're ready, I want a relationship with you." Fear, or something like it must've shown on her face, because Tony sat back. "This isn't meant to be pressure Zi, because honestly, I'll wait as long as it takes. I meant it when I said it wasn't going anywhere."

Words lodged in Ziva's throat and she could neither offer encouragement nor dampen his hope. Everything she'd dreamed of was within her grasp, if she just said the word he wanted to hear, she could have it all. But Ziva only swallowed and looked at her hands. It wasn't the right timing, she had more than just herself to think of now.

Finally she took a deep breath. "I do not know what to say."

Tony's smile fell a bit, but he recovered quickly and placed his hand over hers, squeezing lightly. "You don't have to say anything, but I wanted you to know."

She nodded and he stood to leave. "Tony." His green eyes returned to hers when she said his name. Ziva's smile was faint. "He is not competition."

Whether she could accept it or not, the return of Tony's grin and how she felt when he walked out the door made it perfectly clear - the most important part of her heart and trust already belonged to the man who'd fought politics, bureaucrats, a desert and terrorists to get her back. The same man who'd boldly declared when it was nearly impossible for him to lie that he couldn't live without her.

For Ziva, sleep did not come easily that night. She was tired and afraid of what yes would mean, but she was getting so worn out from fighting to be strong, to stand on her own. Independence had become another word for lonely, and she was no longer certain it was where she wanted to be.


	16. Chapter 16

The Thursday after Christmas found Abby sitting on the corner of Gibbs' desk, her expression on the verge of pleading as she clutched at his arm. "It's New Year's Eve Gibbs, please?"

She'd been badgering him all morning and though the spectacle amused the rest of the team, they were certain Gibbs would eventually run out of patience, even if she was the favourite. Finally though he leaned back in his chair, crossed his arms and leveled a look at her. He knew when he'd been beaten.

Gibbs sighed. "Whaddaya got Abs?"

"Yay!" she squealed, jumping up and twirling around. "I knew it! Okay," Abby continued with barely enough of a pause to take a breath, "I was thinking that we should do something we've never done before."

The silver haired man just stared. "Gonna make me guess?"

Abby rolled her eyes. "You really are no fun at all." His eyebrows rose and she backpedaled. "I mean, of course you're fun Bossman, you're the life of the party, I-" She read Gibbs' expression and nodded. "Right, moving on. So anyways, I think we should go bowling!"

"Bowling?" Tony's mouth threatened to fall open as scenarios good, bad and otherwise flooded his mind.

"Bowling?" Ziva echoed, confusion screwing up her face.

Tim was the only one who did not look surprised.

"Of course bowling," Abby reiterated. "Come on guys, it'll be fun! We'll bowl a few frames and then go back to Gibbs' house for a party!" She threw up her hands in a gesture of glee, but the others weren't quite on board yet.

Gibbs blinked. "Why my house Abby?"

Her countenance fell a little. "Well, because our-my...and Tony's place...umm, Ziva's is..." Abby shrugged helplessly. "Your house is the best option."

Tony and Ziva both eyed Abby with a great deal of interest as she stumbled over the words. There were probably actual reasons why she thought Gibbs' house would be better than any of theirs, but that the question flustered her so much she couldn't articulate them made the others very curious. And Ziva especially hadn't missed Abby's slip at calling her apartment 'theirs'.

Gibbs stared at her for a long time before finally agreeing. "Fine Abs, you're in charge. McGee and DiNozzo can help with set up, you and Ziva take care of food and decorations. Now," he stood up, "back to work."

Abby grinned and saluted. "Yes sir, Gibbs sir." The cheekiness in her gaze didn't abate when Gibbs turned to her with a look that clearly read, Don't call me sir!

He left and Abby spun around towards the elevator. "Timmy, I need your help!" she called back.

McGee moved to follow her and Tony mouthed the words, "Good luck." He'd need it if he was about to be sucked into the Abby cyclone of event planning. Then he turned his grin on Ziva. "You're in for one crazy ride this year Pocahantas. It's gonna be interesting."

Ziva's gaze followed McGee and Abby and she had to agree with her partner. With Abby in charge, who knew what could happen?

**NCIS**

Tony opened the door for a very nervous looking Ziva at eight pm. "Hey," he smiled, "come on in."

She stepped inside and looked all around the room before her eyes came back to his. "Tony, I do not feel like talking tonight."

Of course when she said that Tony immediately wanted to ask what was wrong. Earlier when they'd talked about New Year's plans she seemed fine. A little quiet maybe, but nothing that gave him concern. Still, out of respect Tony swallowed the words he wanted to say and touched her arm gently, guiding Ziva towards the livingroom.

"I have just the thing." Going to his wall of movies, Tony skimmed through the titles until he found the one he wanted. "A film from the golden age of movies," he announced. "I would say black and white but others call it gray," he winked at her and put it in. "And the best part is, it's silent."

Ziva managed a glimmer of a smile and he sat down beside her. "Ready?" She nodded and Tony pressed play, resolving not to speak again unless she did first.

The movie had barely begun before Ziva was leaning into him and Tony didn't even stop to think. He just put his arm around her and let Ziva cuddle against him as much as she wanted. It was a treat for Tony, getting to touch her like that. Ziva didn't just let him hold her for no reason very often, and it made him wonder what had happened between work and now that she needed the comfort. But she still wasn't talking so he wouldn't ask.

It was a quiet, simple night. Ziva didn't say one word the whole time, but she did let herself relax with him, which spoke volumes to Tony. He tried not to push his luck with touch, content just to have his arm around her while she watched the movie.

Near the middle of the evening's feature presentation, Ziva had made herself comfortable, using him as her pillow. Her head rested on Tony's shoulder, her hand warm on his chest. Whatever solace she was seeking tonight, he hoped she was getting it. Eventually Ziva even pulled both her knees up and leaned them over to rest on his lap. They were closer and touching more than they had since the weekend she found out she was pregnant.

Thinking that he could totally get used to this, Tony sank back into the cushions and brushed a kiss to her temple as he settled in to enjoy the second half of the movie. The partners stared at the screen, their breathing followed the same rhythm and any tension that had existed in either of them when the night began slowly dissipated as they savoured each other's company.

Without even thinking, Tony moved his hand to Ziva's bump, wondering if the baby had grown enough yet that he could feel the movements too. Then he bit his lip and looked at his partner, realizing he probably should've asked permission before doing that. But Ziva smiled for the first time since she arrived and laid her hand over his.

Tony's breath caught as the intimacy of the moment dawned on him. Ziva too, must've realized it at the same time, because she suddenly sat straight up and moved away from him. Her eyes refused to meet his as she offered her thanks for the movie. "Goodnight Tony," she whispered.

He got up to see her to the door, an ache in his chest. It didn't seem fair that their moment had to end so abruptly. It wasn't like they'd been doing anything wrong. _You're just acting like you're more than you are, that's all_, the annoying little voice in his head chimed in.

"Ziva..." he started to say. She turned back but Tony had second thoughts and swallowed. "Uh, never mind. Good night."

Closing the door, he sank down to the floor with his back against the counter and rested his head in his hands. How much longer could they keep doing this? After five and a half months, Tony was really getting tired of pretending.

**NCIS**

Friday was busy as usual until Ziva found Tony waiting for her outside the back elevator at the end of the night. At her questioning look he steered her into the alcove by the stairs and took a deep breath. "I have something for you," he began, pulling a box out of his pocket. Her eyes widened briefly, but it was the wrong size for a ring. "Tonight's the last night of Hanukkah, right?"

Ziva frowned. "Why do you know that?"

He shrugged and gave her a half grin. "I make it my business to know these things." Ziva rolled her eyes and Tony took her hand, laying a box on her palm. "Happy Hanukkah Ziva," he said softly.

She held the burgundy box for a moment, then slowly cracked it open. On the white pillow inside lay a tiny Star of David hanging from a fine gold chain. Her eyes jumped to his and Tony's expression gentled. "You haven't looked the same without it."

"It is beautiful Tony," she whispered.

He bit his lip, hesitating. "Do you want me to...put it on for you?"

Lost for words, Ziva only nodded and Tony pulled the necklace free of the jewellery story box. Moving behind her, he unclasped it and lowered the chain in front of her. His fingers brushed her skin as they slipped under her hair and hooked the two ends together.

For almost thirty seconds neither of them moved. Tony rested his hands on her shoulders and Ziva's fingers stayed frozen on the star. The very air seemed to hold its breath and time stood still. Then Tony coughed and the moment was broken.

"Thank you," Ziva whispered.

Tony's smile reappeared in front of her. "You're welcome."

She looked away. "Do you have plans tonight?"

He jumped at the opportunity, just as he did with every one that gave him the chance to spend time with her. "Only with you...and only if you want me to."

Ziva smiled. "It is Shabbat and I am going to Temple. Would you...like to come with me?"

Tony hadn't been to any kind of religious service since the last time his very Catholic grandmother had dragged him to Mass. But this was different, so he nodded. "Sure."

He followed her out and she drove them. It was a night unlike anything he'd experienced before and it was also the first sign to Tony that Ziva was letting him be a part of her life. It was enough.

**NCIS**

Abby had insisted they meet at the bowling alley at nine pm. Out of habit and for convenience sake, Tony offered to be Ziva's ride. As expected, McGee and Abby were already waiting for them. Ducky and Jimmy pulled in just behind them and Gibbs was last, not showing up until they were in line to get shoes.

It was clearly a special night at the bowling alley - streamers hung everywhere, glowing in the blacklight. A disco ball rotated on the ceiling, throwing a pattern of sparkles over the floor, and a projector sent a laser light show dancing along the walls.

The music was loud and it was kind of dark in the long room, but with her own special bowling ball in tow, Abby led them to the first two lanes and promptly split them into two teams. Ducky declined to play, stating that he'd rather keep score. So that left Abby, McGee and Ziva on one team, and Gibbs, Tony and Jimmy on the other.

Tony started making noise about how the McCouple shouldn't be on the same team, but Gibbs smacked him. After rubbing the spot and trying to suppress his wounded expression, Tony sidled away from the silver haired man. "Thank you Boss."

Abby went first, sending her ball flying down the center of the lane. She cheered, jumping up and down and tacking Tim with a hug when the ball squarely hit the middle pin and it fell, taking the rest with it in perfect synchronization.

"A strike? Really? How can you get a strike on your first try?"

Her eyes twinkled. "I've been practicing Tony."

He fell back into his seat and groaned. "We are so dead."

And so it went. Ziva's natural ability for anything she tried was fulfilled once again as she too racked up the strikes. McGee didn't do so well himself, often hitting the outside pins and missing the middle ones completely. That made Tony feel a little better until he noticed that every time Tim failed, he got a kiss from Abby. It wasn't long until the senior field agent became convinced that his probie was messing up on purpose.

The bonus, of course, to being on Gibbs' team was that the man barely had to look at the pins and they just seemed to fall over for him. "Ha! Even bowling pins can't stand up against the Gibbs' glare. Way to go Boss!" Tony exclaimed on the older man's first strike. He held up a hand for a high five but Gibbs was not the celebrating type so Tony turned quickly and faced Jimmy. "Give me some skin Gremlin."

Happy to be included in the night, glad that someone was paying attention to him, Jimmy met Tony's high five with a slap of his own. On his turn, the ME's assistant tripped, losing his grip on the bowling ball. Jimmy's ball meandered down the lane, finally tapping the third pin on the right before coming to a stop. Turning several different shades of red, the younger man stuttered and stumbled through an apology as he faced Gibbs' crossed arms and stern look.

Tony slapped Jimmy on the back as he sat down and stood up to take his shot. "Alright, victory here we come!" he announced, choosing a large blue ball and holding it up for all to see. Taking his stance carefully, the senior field agent eyed up the lane before him and took a swing, releasing a fraction too late. The effect was an automatic gutter ball. Gibbs raised an eyebrow and even Ziva looked at him questioningly. "Uh...false start," he said, clearing his throat as he tried to save face. "This next one is going to be a killer."

As predicted, Tony's second ball drove home and won him a strike, but it was to be his only one of the evening. Despite best efforts, he ended up with only near misses and spares until the game finally ended and he sighed in relief. "Bowling may be your sport Abs," he commented, checking out her score of two hundred and thirty, "but I'll take basketball any day."

Glancing out the window, Abby leaned into his side. "Maybe when it isn't snowing Tony."

With that fun over, the group headed back to Gibbs' house where Abby and Ziva had spent the afternoon decorating while Gibbs hid in his basement. Streamers and balloons considerably brightened up the atmosphere of the livingroom and furniture had been positioned so everyone could see the old television set where Time's Square was already filling the screen, the clock in the corner showing a little less than an hour until the anticipated ball drop.

Loaded down with grocery bags holding ingredients for his famous nachos, Tony kidnapped McGee and Jimmy and sealed off the kitchen until they were ready. Then Abby took over, offering white or regular grape juice to everyone, but bouncing around with a Caf-Pow for herself. She was trying not to make Ziva feel like the odd one out, and refrained from purchasing anything alcoholic.

Gibbs however, carried around a glass of bourbon the entire time and managed not to have to say more than a few words the entire time, because Ducky cornered him and began sharing a detailed story about the roots of New Year's Eve and trivia about how the occasion was celebrated all over the world.

When the chatting had died down to a minimum, Tony pulled out a pack of cards and the group played poker, using the chocolate coins Abby had brought as their betting medium. Several hands later, when she and Gibbs had wiped the table with the rest of the team and were engaged in their own silent face-off, Ducky suggested sharing favourite New Year's memories.

That kept them all occupied until it was five minutes to midnight. Then the group gathered around the TV and waited for the countdown. Unable to wait, Abby started joining in at thirty seconds, while the rest held off until twelve. With only eight seconds left, she suddenly remembered the noisemakers.

"Here!" Abby called urgently, "Everyone needs one!"

Some were tossed, others handed out, some forced upon unwilling parties and when they finally yelled, "Happy New Year!", each person blew their whistles and horns to ring in two thousand and nine. When Tony saw the kiss McGee and Abby shared, he whistled loudly and the couple broke apart, blushing. But the happiness in their eyes remained.

After the excitement died down, mostly provided by Abby who was on an unknown number of Caf-Pow and therefore starting to act more than a little hyper, the party began to break up. The Goth went around to each person to say goodbye before Tim could tug her out of the house.

Tony was first to get a hug. Abby held him tightly, burying herself in the comfort of her brother's embrace. "Happy New Year Tony," she whispered. "I just know something is gonna change for you guys, and it will be worth every second you've had to wait."

He kissed her cheek and squeezed her an extra time. "As long as you believe it, it's bound to happen Abs." Tony tweaked one of her braids and let her go.

Abby faced Jimmy with a strange look on her face, then hugged him quickly. "Jimster, this year we really gotta find you a girl," she announced. Patting his shoulder, she turned to Ducky before Jimmy could make any kind of comment.

"Happy New Year Ducky! Don't ever change."

Ducky chuckled. "You never know my dear. There may still be a few tricks left to teach this old dog yet."

Ziva was next and Abby's hug hadn't been so careful since they returned from Somalia. "I am so glad you are here to see this new year Ziva." The girl's words were soft and heavy with the loss that had almost been permanent. "Please don't ever leave us again."

Shaking her head, Ziva pulled back. "You are my family Abby, you and the team. I am not going anywhere."

With a smile, Abby touched her friend's abdomen gently, then made a beeline for Gibbs. "Happy New Year Papa Bear," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck. Gibbs could feel the difference in her hug and resolved to spend some more time in the lab in the coming days. It seemed that Abby was missing his attention. She stepped back and winked. "Looks like you're stuck with me for another year Bossman."

He kissed her cheek. "Wouldn't know what to do without you Abs." Gibbs turned a glare on McGee. "Take care of her."

The younger man nodded. "On it Boss."

McGee's newfound confidence made Gibbs' chest swell with pride. He turned to face the room. "Well, get outta here. You've all got better places to be."

Taking the hint and the suggestion all at the same time, the others began packing up and slowly made their way out to snow covered cars. Tony held the door for Ziva and turned the engine on to warm it up before grabbing the snow brush and cleaning off his car. It was a quiet ride home for them, and they ended up at Tony's place before he noticed.

Turning to his partner, he sent her a hopeful look. "I've got a great New Year's Eve tradition lined up - the Mr. Bean marathon is running until 6am. Do you...wanna come up?"

In any other situation, at any other time, that question would've meant something entirely different. But because it was now and it was Tony and it was them, and because Ziva wasn't quite ready to face a dark, silent room all by her lonesome, she gave the answer he hoped to hear. "I do not know Mr. Bean, but I think a marathon sounds like fun."

His grin lit up the night and they headed upstairs together.


	17. Chapter 17

McGee unlocked the door and he and Abby spilled into their house as she laughed at something he'd just said. Her eyes were slightly glazed and she wobbled a bit when she walked - only Abby could get drunk on Caf-Pow. Tim didn't mind though, he pulled her close and kissed her deeply.

Abby sank into his embrace and let him take most of her weight while she returned the kiss. When he let her breathe again, she blinked slowly and a smile spread across her lips. "Wow. What was that for?"

Tim leaned his forehead against hers. "Because I couldn't kiss you properly in front of the others."

Abby slipped her arms around his neck and considered his response. "Okay."

He chuckled. "No arguments, huh?"

Her head fell back and she giggled. "Can't think straight, guess you get whatever you want."

McGee kissed her nose. "I know we don't talk about the record honey, but how close did you get to it tonight?"

Holding onto his neck as Tim braced himself to support her, Abby swung from side to side. "Too close for you to be asking questions," she answered in a sing-song voice.

He sighed. "Any chance you're falling asleep sometime tonight?"

Abby stood straight up and stared at him. "Since when do I need sleep?"

McGee snorted. "You're adorable when you're not coherent."

She flung herself at him and held on tight. "Well aren't you sweet. Always the gentleman, huh Timmy?"

Sensing that a response probably wasn't required, Tim just stood there with his arms around her for a few moments, then he started swaying gently back and forth. Feeling her world tilt, Abby closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest.

"Oh, don't do that McGee, my balance isn't quite recovered yet."

"You see what happens when you abuse caffeine?" he chided gently.

"Try taking away my Caf-Pow and see how long you want to stay married to me," she retorted bluntly.

Tim laughed. "If that qualifies as 'for worse', I think we'll be okay." Continuing his gentle movements, McGee felt Abby stiffen. "Hey," he whispered in her ear, "just follow my lead."

When she relaxed and did as he asked, she found that her head wasn't quite as slushy as it had been. Tim repositioned their hands so they were in proper form and took a few steps. Abby held onto his shoulder and his hand and let him take them around the room in slow circles. He spun her out gently and brought her back. Finally she made her tongue form the right words.

"Timmy, what are you doing?"

He lifted an eyebrow. "I need a reason?"

"Yes," she insisted. "I came so close to overdosing on Caf-Pow that I can't see straight and you're being spontaneous."

McGee pressed his hand into Abby's back and lowered his mouth to her ear. "You like when I'm spontaneous. You said yes last time. Besides, we never got a first dance Mrs. McGee, and I miss that."

Abby laid her head back down on his shoulder. "It's customary to have music, you know."

Tim pulled back and smiled. "I think we make our own music Abbs."

She lifted her face to kiss him and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. "I think you need to take me upstairs." McGee raised an eyebrow. "What? It's not like I'm going to sleep."

Having his doubts about that - if experience was anything to go by she'd probably be out within the hour, sometime in the middle of a rant about people who were allowed in her lab without supervision - Tim just held his wife close. "Happy New Year Abbs. I love you."

Abby nodded into his neck. "Mmhmm...I know. Can we sit down now?"

Keeping his arm around her, McGee steered them towards the stairs. "Absolutely honey. How about a massage once you're ready for bed?"

Her light green eyes tried hard to focus on him. "You're spoiling me Timmy."

"That's my job," he quipped.

"You're the best," she gushed, then flinched when he turned the light on.

"As long as you think so babe," Tim commented, "that's all that matters."

**NCIS**

Gibbs' house was once again filled with the silence he was used to, though remnants of the evening's festivities remained. He sat in the livingroom for once, looking at the places his team had occupied earlier and thinking about how much things had changed, and how much they were going to.

Seven months ago he'd left Ziva standing on the tarmac in Israel, unwilling to choose between her and Tony, but knowing she needed some space to figure out who she could trust. Gibbs had really thought that after a little time to cool off and process everything, she'd come around. But by the time they'd figured out something was wrong, she'd already been trapped in the camp.

Sighing, Gibbs tried not to remember how he'd lain on the hill, waiting and watching for the right second to take the shot. Seeing Ziva had only fueled his resolve to take Saleem out, because even through a scope he could see the nightmares that haunted her eyes, and he wasn't going to lose her again.

Now they had her back and because of that, Tony had changed. He'd wanted to live again for the first time since news came of the Damocles' sinking. And in Tony's gaze as he locked eyes with his partner, a purpose burned, a goal that he would work towards for the rest his life, if that's what it took. He loved her.

Loving Ziva wasn't easy, nor was it even something Tony could openly admit yet. But Gibbs saw it every time he looked at Ziva when he thought she wasn't paying attention. Her pregnancy had definitely brought the partners closer even if it had thrown a wrench into Tony's plans, but they still had a long way to go before anything major happened.

Abby and McGee, however, were a perplexity that continued to puzzle him. He'd known from day one that their mission to Somalia would change things for his junior agent and the Goth he loved. It had been obvious in the way Abby made them promise to come back safely, but she held Tim's gaze longer than anyone else's.

When Tim had disappeared down to the lab with his black-haired best friend the second she released Ziva, when Abby called McGee instead of Gibbs the first night their rescued comrade stayed at her apartment - he'd waited to hear from her, knowing she'd need someone to talk to in the middle of the night, it became clear that she'd started leaning on their gentle geek again.

Since the beginning of October Gibbs had watched their relationship change. The subtleties of coming to work together, leaving together, longer looks and touches just a little more comfortable than before - it was all there. Gibbs knew that if Abby asked, Tim would've stayed, because he needed her just as much.

So now they were a couple, playing don't ask, don't tell with Rule 12. Though ever since Jenny died and Gibbs realized how much time he'd wasted, that rule had become much more fluid, more capable of being pushed here and there. It wasn't law anymore.

What bothered him most was that Abby and McGee didn't seem interested in taking their relationship to the next step. Given his history with marriage, Gibbs wasn't really one to talk, but he'd experienced real love and real life with Shannon and Kelly and he didn't want anything less for his surrogate daughter. One of these days he was going to slap Tim good and hard and hope he got his act together. But until then he'd just let them work at their own pace. Gibbs supposed there was no need to rush a sure thing.

Pulling out the silver flask he kept with him, Gibbs took a sip and read the inscription again. _Love Shannon and Kelly_. He rubbed his thumb over the engraved letters and from his wallet came the last picture he'd ever taken of his girls. "I miss you guys."

Gibbs closed his eyes and took another drink. It was still so lonely without his family, but over the years no replacement had worked. So he lived now with their captured smiled and the ghosts of when life had been good. Another new year marked nothing for the older agent but another three hundred and sixty-five days separated from the love he'd lost and now had to spend the rest of his life without.

**NCIS**

Tony shut off the TV when the last credits rolled by and looked over at Ziva. "Whatcha thinking?" She'd been quiet for the last hour. With her hand slowly caressing her swelling abdomen, his partner said nothing, so he tried again. "Baby awake or asleep?"

A smile touched her lips. "Resting. But probably awake as soon as I lie down."

He leaned back against the cushions. "Hard to believe it's already two thousand and nine."

Ziva nodded. "Last year is not one worth remembering."

Tony stroked his thumb over the back of her hand. "A new year is for new beginnings Zi, give it a chance."

She looked at him carefully. "Perhaps this year will be different." Ziva gestured to her bump. "So much is changing this time."

He smiled. "Change isn't always a bad thing." Then Tony leaned towards her. "Happy New Year Ziva."

He had only meant to kiss her on the cheek, but Ziva turned her face to repeat the sentiment, "Shana Tova," but was cut off when his lips touched the corner of her mouth.

Tony drew back right away. "Umm...that was an accident."

What Ziva wouldn't've given to be able to kiss him properly, say it wasn't a mistake and she wanted this as much as she needed it. But just like always something held her back and she lost another in a long line of chances that she knew would eventually run out.

"Shana Tova Tony," she repeated, then she sat up and stretched. "I think it is time to go home."

"You could stay." The hope in her partner's voice was unmistakable.

Ziva glanced at the door. "Tony..." She was torn between what he wanted and what she could handle, there was no right answer this time. Biting her lip, she met his eyes.

"Stay Zi," he urged her, not examining his reasons for wanting her around all night.

A struggled waged in her mind before she finally gave in. "I will stay on one condition."

His eyes lit up. "Name it."

"Tomorrow I must take time to study. I cannot be here all day."

"Done," Tony agreed promptly. "I'll drive you home first thing."

"Okay," she nodded, then stood and headed for his bedroom.

Tony followed her as far as the door. "Need anything?" The pyjamas she used at his place were on top of his dresser, a spare toothbrush (green, her favourite colour) sat in a cup in his bathroom.

"I am fine, thank you," Ziva replied. He turned to go and she smiled softly. "Is the couch not awfully uncomfortable Tony?"

He spun back to her, hope lighting his gaze at the familiar words. "Can't say it's my favourite place to sleep." Tony hesitated, trying to say the right thing. "Care to share?"

She looked at the king sized bed and agreed. "Just this once."

"I'll take it," he grinned, grabbing his clothes so he could change in the other bathroom.

They brushed their teeth together and got into bed without a word. Ziva settled onto her side facing away from him and Tony, who had no intentions of pushing his luck, lay flat on his back and hoped he didn't move during the night. This wasn't likely to happen again.

**NCIS**

Abby opened her eyes, shuddering as one of her less than favourite recurring dreams began to fade away. With a soft sigh she rolled over, smiling as the pre-dawn light showed the figure of her husband. In slow, careful moments she scooted closer to Tim, not wanting to wake him but needing the comfort of his nearness.

She tucked her head in the space between Tim's neck and shoulder, resting her arm across his chest. Within seconds McGee's hand slid over hers and he stirred slightly. "Mmm...what's wrong Abbs?" he asked sleepily.

Abby shut her eyes and got a little closer. "I'm just glad you're here," she whispered.

Tim turned on his side so he could put his arm around her. Abby buried her face in his shirt, enjoying the comfort. McGee rubbed her back slowly. "I'm glad I'm here too babe."

Afraid to go back to sleep, Abby just lay there listening to her husband's steady breathing. Its rhythm soothed her and Abby found herself smiling. _Hard to think bad thoughts in this position_, she decided. Kissing Tim's cheek softly, Abby snuggled into his embrace and closed her eyes, just to rest. When she woke to their alarm two hours later, she noticed there had been no more dreams.

Tim groaned and rolled over to slap off the offending noise. He rubbed a hand over his face and yawned. "Guess we forgot to shut that off last night." Five and a half hours sleep really wasn't enough. Abby was silent so he moved back to her. "Good think we don't have to go to work today, huh?" She nodded, looking at her hands. Turning on his side, McGee drew his fingers gently through the black waves her hair made across the pillow. "Want to tell me what earlier was all about?"

Abby glanced at him, then down again. "Nothing Timmy, just a bad dream."

"Hey," he said softly, "talk to me Abbs. It won't be as bad as keeping it all inside."

She shook her head tightly and winced as a pain sliced through the front of it. Abby put her hands over her face. "No thanks," she muttered, laying perfectly still.

Tim frowned. "Abby, what's wrong?"

Gritting her teeth together, she forced the words out. "I don't feel good. I've been fighting it for half an hour." Abby looked at him. "I'm afraid if I move I'm gonna throw up."

Tim wove his fingers with hers and lifted her hand to kiss the back. "I'm sorry sweetheart. What can I do?"

She smiled faintly. Guys always thought they could fix it. "Don't worry about it Tim, go back to sleep. I'm just going to lay here and feel miserable for awhile."

He snorted. "Fat chance. I can't sleep knowing you feel like crap." McGee traced her fingers one by one. "Would some hot tea help? I think it's supposed to settle your stomach."

Abby shifted a bit and that was all it took. Her eyes flew open as she jumped out of bed and bent over the wastebasket. Tim headed to the bathroom and came back with a wet cloth, then sat down and rubbed her back, holding her hair away from her face as Abby emptied her stomach.

He handed her the cloth and she slumped back against him, wiping her mouth. "I hate being sick."

Tim rested his cheek on her hair. "I know honey. Maybe a few less Caf-Pows next time, huh?"

She punched him weakly in the shoulder and tried to glare, but gave up when it hurt her eyes. They sat there together for a few minutes but the smell wasn't pleasant and suddenly Tim had a suggestion. "How about a hot bath? I'll make you some tea and toast and we'll see if that helps."

He gave her support to stand up and Abby nodded shakily. "After I brush my teeth."

She made a face and followed him to the bathroom. McGee started the bath water running and shook in some Epsom salts from the cupboard. He kissed her cheek. "Call me when you're done. Don't fall asleep in the tub."

Abby rolled her eyes. "Drowning is not the way I want to go."

Tim headed for the door. "At least I can stay home with you today. I think it's going to be a hanging out on the couch and watching TV kinda day."

"Sounds good to me," Abby smiled. "Thanks Tim."

"Try to relax Abbs. I'll see you in a bit."

Tim hated that she wasn't feeling well, but at the same time it was nice to have an excuse to spend the day cuddling with her. Having Abby in his arms, knowing she was his, that was his favourite part.

**NCIS**

There was a such a thing as too normal, even for someone whose life had been anything but. When Ziva woke early on Monday morning, the first day of the new year, she felt the sudden desperate need to get out of the apartment and away from Tony.

It wasn't like he'd even done anything - Tony still slept deeply on his side of the bed - but being a couple feet away quickly became too close. If Ziva didn't clearly remember last night and agreeing to his offer, she would've thought she'd woken up in to a life she still hadn't given herself permission to dream about. She couldn't stay.

Being five months pregnant hadn't yet affected her stealth skills and Ziva made it out of the bed without disturbing her partner. Quickly she changed back into her own clothes and let herself out, locking the door behind her. It was still dark outside and that made Ziva nervous, but it only took fifteen minutes to walk to her building and she could run if she had to.

Back at her place, Ziva found that the brisk walk hadn't been enough to shake the uneasiness that gripped her, so she gathered her swimming things and drove to the pool, glad it opened at six am. It was quiet in the changeroom so Ziva didn't bother using a cubicle. The familiar humidity and chlorine smell was comforting, and she pulled the zipper up to her neck before stepping out onto the pool deck.

Because it was attached to a hotel, they kept the water fairly warm. Ziva slipped into the shallow end and dove under water, quickly finding a rhythm in her stokes and kicks. She planned for thirty laps, as always, maybe more since Tony wasn't around to make a fuss. But after barely ten the late night and few hours of sleep had caught up to her and Ziva suddenly felt exhausted.

Dragging herself out of the pool on shaking arms, Ziva got dressed in the sweats she'd put on at home and left, struggling to keep her eyes open. Once inside her apartment, she dropped her keys in the dish, flipped the lock and crawled into bed without even bothering to put on pjs. And she definitely didn't notice the little red light blinking on her answering machine.


	18. Chapter 18

Tony stared at his silent phone and sighed. He'd almost expected it when he woke up alone, but the emptiness of his apartment still hurt. He lay back in bed and rubbed his eyes. He'd known he was pushing it last night, asking her to stay after his planned kiss on the cheek went wrong, but he just hadn't been ready for the night to end.

Now she'd left before Tony could see how she was handling things and tomorrow at work would probably be awkward. He just didn't know how to back off, how to keep up the front of playing her friend when he was just so far past that now - imagining wedding bands and sharing a house with a baby to call theirs sleeping in the bassinet.

When she hadn't responded to the message he'd left or texts he'd sent after an hour, Tony gave up hope and closed his eyes. Maybe it would be good for them to spend the day apart. He needed to get some distance back and he couldn't do that when Ziva was around. Letting it go for now, Tony only hoped to return to sleep that for once did not hold unrealistic dreams.

**NCIS**

Ziva felt heavy and groggy when she woke up hours later. The clock showed just after lunch and she quickly became aware that she was famished. Getting up, Ziva was also struck with the need for a shower, but she decided food had to come first.

Plugging her iPod into the speakers Abby had gotten her for Christmas, insisting she needed a present even if it wasn't her holiday, Ziva danced her way into the kitchen. Singing along to her favourite Hebrew pop songs, interspersed with the ones she had that were in English, Ziva got out what she needed to fix an omelette and dropped two pieces of bread into the toaster.

Cooking relaxed her and she settled at the table to read through the local newspaper while she ate. It wasn't until Ziva put her dishes in the sink and hauled the box of study materials out to the livingroom that she noticed the light blinking on her answering machine and placed the occasional beeps as an alert from her cellphone.

Hesitating, Ziva stood there for a second, chewing on her lip. Then she reached out and hit delete without even listening to it. The message was likely from Tony and she couldn't deal with him right now. A quick flip of her phone and press of a button shut off the beeping and though Rule #3 of never being unreachable tugged at the back of her mind, Ziva reasoned that her landline still worked and in an actual emergency, Tony had a key.

With that settled for now, she made herself comfortable on the couch and spread out the books and papers containing everything she needed to know to pass her citizenship test. As Ziva again went over the Constitution, she resolved that something had to change. She and Tony couldn't keep doing what they'd ben doing, it was getting too close, too personal and Ziva just couldn't handle anything else right now. This week would have to be different.

**NCIS**

"What did you do for New Year's Eve Ziva?" Devon asked first thing on Tuesday.

"The team had a party. We went bowling." She shook her head. "Only Abby could get us to agree to something like that."

"Did you get to watch the ball drop?" the therapist asked.

"Yes," Ziva smiled. "I do not think I have seen that before. It seems as if Times Square is a good place to be on December 31st."

"It's a cold place to be," Devon put in. "But you definitely feel the spirit of the new year surrounded by tens of thousands of other people who are just as excited as you to be there." At Ziva's curious look, she explained. "My mom took me several years ago, one of my favourite memories." Then she turned her attention back to her line of questioning. "Did the party with your team go late?"

Ziva shrugged. "Gibbs sent us home at midnight and I went..." she hesitated but finished. "I went back to Tony's."

Devon's senses were immediately alert as a shadow crossed her patient's face. "Is that a problem?" she asked. "You sound uncertain."

"I do not know what to do with him!" Ziva exploded suddenly. "He was talking about new beginnings, asked me to stay, almost kissed me." She leaned her elbows on her knees and threaded her fingers through her hair. "I should not have said yes."

Dr. Andrews frowned as she tried to put together all the pieces from what Ziva had just confided and sort out which was the most important question to ask. "He tried to kiss you?"

Ziva had the decency to look a little ashamed. "That part was an accident," she explained, not meeting her doctor's eyes.

Devon shook her head. "Okay, I'm confused. How does someone accidentally almost kiss you?"

Ziva sighed. "He was leaning down to kiss my cheek after saying 'Happy New Year'. I turned to say the same thing and Tony's lips..." she touched the skin above her chin, "...grazed the corner of my mouth."

The doctor's eyebrows rose. "I see. Did you want him to kiss you?"

Her eyes widened and then a slight blush coloured her cheeks. "It would not be the first time."

Devon sat back in her chair, dumbfounded. "Tony has kissed you before? Recently, or in your past preceding Somalia?"

Ziva looked up and tried to smile. "Early on in our partnership we went undercover as a married couple. It was...interesting. But," she twisted a piece of hair around her finger, "yes, he has kissed me recently."

Just that revelation came with much more to sort out. "When? Why? Was it something you wanted too?" For a woman who had been terrified of physical contact only three months ago, the news was huge. It seemed there was a whole side to her patient that Devon hadn't known about.

"Once when I told him about my pregnancy and a little of my experience in Somalia. He was trying to...convince me that I could still be wanted even after everything. And once the night I let him hold me while we slept."

Devon shot the dark haired woman a look. "You missed part of the question."

Pressing herself even further into the corner of the couch, Ziva's voice became quiet and small. "I had no warning the first time, but I did not pull away because...because I had never been kissed so gently before and maybe because I wanted to believe him. The second time," she shrugged one shoulder, "I could see it in his eyes but Tony...he needed it and I," she blew out a breath, "I kissed him back Devon."

"Wow." The therapist eyed Ziva in mild disbelief. "And you're fighting what the two of you have...why?"

Ziva rubbed her forehead. Talking about all the things she was avoiding was giving her a headache. "We shared a bed that night, just to sleep," she hurried to assure before her doctor could ask. "He did not even touch me, but when I woke up...it is not right for us to do this. We act as if we are dating, but we are not."

"Maybe you should be," Devon pointed out.

Ziva's mouth fell open and she stared for a second before shaking her head. "No. I do not...I cannot... No," she said firmly, the reasons why escaping her.

"Ziva, you trust Tony in a way I've never seen before, especially for a survivor of the kind of hell you've been through. You've trusted him with your nightmares, your memories, the news of your pregnancy, even a few of your scars. You trust him for support, for safety, for comfort - you even trust him with touch. What else is left that you can't trust him with?"

The Israeli went mute and Devon felt like she'd put up a wall between herself and the truth staring her in the face. "I need time," she said at last. "Tony is too close. I have nowhere to get away, I cannot even go for a run to think. It is just too close."

Helplessness rolled off of her patient. A woman who was so used to being in control had lost it in every possible way and was fighting tooth and nail to get it back again. But was she fighting the wrong things in her desperation to be free of the shadows?

"Okay, okay Ziva," Devon tried to calm her down and get them away from the subject that was obviously causing her a great deal of stress. "We'll come back to that later. But I want you to know that the hormones you're dealing with because of being pregnant might be what it making it so hard to think, to figure things out. That feeling of being overwhelmed, the fear, the need to be in charge of events - that is likely all being magnified because of the change your body is going through. I wouldn't make your final decision until you can really sort things out."

The woman in front of her barely acknowledged the words, so Dr. Andrews just kept going. "How about you tell me what you did yesterday?"

Ziva's gaze sank to the couch. "I snuck out early. I went swimming. Then I spent the day studying. I did not even listen to his message."

Choosing to leave the subject of her partner alone for now, Devon picked up on the only other thing that Ziva had mentioned. "How is your studying going?"

The session continued and Ziva answered nearly every question, but her mind was elsewhere, wrapped in a cloud of confusion and uneasiness all centered around her green eyed best friend. Fear, shame, loss, and hope not allowed to grow pulled at her. She just needed to be alone.

**NCIS**

For the rest of the day Ziva spoke to Tony only when necessary and avoided his eyes and getting too close. Before they left she said quietly, "I am sorry Tony, I have plans tonight." She didn't look at him when she cancelled their routine and escaped to the elevator before he could even get a word out.

Dropping back into his chair, Tony shut out the world and focused on paperwork. When Gibbs left at eleven, the senior field agent was still at his desk. His boss said nothing, understanding that words would not help this time and some things just had to be worked out in solitude.

By one am Tony had cleared his desk of reports and write ups and everything else required of him for the first time since Ziva had stayed in Israel. He couldn't face going home this time, so instead Tony forced himself through two miles on the treadmill and snuck into Abby's lab to sleep on her small, roll out futon mattress.

It wasn't ideal and he tossed and turned more than he actually slept. Ziva was avoiding him, that much was clear, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that it had something to do with New Year's Eve and probably with him pushing her to stay the night. Over and over Tony berated himself for having such expectations, for the foolish dreams that made him act like a lovesick schoolboy around his partner.

Reaching into his pocket, Tony took out the card Tim had given him last week. He read it several times, then clenched his eyes shut. "I think I'm running out of one more times," he muttered to no one in particular.

But even as he said the words, Tony knew they were a lie. Even if it hurt every single moment he spent apart from her, he would still love Ziva David until his dying day. She was a part of him now. She'd crawled into his heart and made her home in his soul, he couldn't get rid of her even if he wanted to, which he didn't.

Sleep came, but it was fitful and short and filled with snatches of dreams he never saw the ending of. But they were dark and unsettling and made his stomach churn. As he got up to change before anyone else arrived, Tony dreaded another day of Ziva acting like they were strangers instead of so much more than just partners.

**NCIS**

Wednesday afternoon Gibbs ordered Tony and Matt out of the office to go interview a family member that may or may not have become a suspect in their latest missing person case. It hadn't escaped anyone's notice that Tony and Ziva weren't talking, and it wasn't for lack of Tony trying. Ziva acknowledged him only if necessary, responding if required to but otherwise keeping to herself and dealing with Gibbs and Ducky mostly.

With no explanation and only a suspicion of why she was avoiding him, Tony was hurt when Ziva had no complaints about being partnered with McGee instead. He wasn't sure if she'd asked for the change or if Gibbs was giving them space to deal with their problem, but watching her walk out with Tim had not been the highlight of his day.

So this time, on his way to the elevator, Tony stopped at Ziva's desk and let Matt go ahead of him. Discretely he checked to see if they had an audience, but Gibbs had disappeared down to see Abby and McGee hadn't looked up from his computer screen in twenty minutes.

He put his hand over hers and smiled gently when her eyes jumped to meet his. "I really miss my partner," Tony whispered.

Then he was gone before Ziva could make her mouth work, if she'd had anything to say. Because his words made it clear that he was talking about the last few days and everything involved. And his tone carried a heaviness about it that meant he missed her in so many more ways than one.

**NCIS**

Ziva smiled faintly when Mandy walked into the small exam room late Wednesday afternoon. Her appointment had been changed because of the holiday on Monday and the Israeli hoped it would be a quick visit. She needed to be at Ops more than she had in over a week.

"Hello Ziva," Dr. Meyer's said, glancing towards the chair where Tony could normally be found. "Hey, where's your shadow?"

Her expression grew tight. "He could not make it today." _Mostly because you didn't tell him you had an appointment_, the little voice that sometimes doubled as her conscience pointed out. Ignoring it, Ziva focused on what the doctor was saying.

"Alright, so this is another quick appointment. I see here that you're twenty-one weeks now, so congratulations on making it to the halfway point. Anything you want to ask me or talk about? New developments I need to hear?"

"I felt the baby move last week," Ziva announced, still loving that part.

Mandy brightened. "That's wonderful. Are the movements regular yet?"

Ziva shrugged. "Sometimes. Often I think he's awake when I am going to sleep."

"Isn't that the way with kids?" Mandy chuckled. "Always doing the opposite of what you want them to do?"

She raised an eyebrow. "I do not know. I suppose I will find out."

"Yes, you will," Mandy smiled. "And in the next little while you'll start feeling more than just little flutters. The baby is roughly ten inches long right now, about the size of a large carrot, and soon her kicks and nudges will get stronger. If you pay enough attention, you'll notice a pattern to her activity."

Ziva looked down at her bump. "It is sometimes hard to believe there is really a little person growing inside me."

"A real live little person," Mandy confirmed. "The baby actually looks pretty much like he or she will at birth, just a much skinnier and smaller version. Actually, you might even be able to hear her heartbeat with a stethescope." She lifted hers away from her neck. "Do you want to try?"

Hesitating slightly, Ziva nodded and took the device, fitting it into her ears. Dr. Meyers took the other end and moved it slowly over Ziva's stomach. Then she heard it, the fast fluttering of her baby's heartbeat. It seemed like the novelty of hearing that, of knowing this was real, would never wear off.

"Wow, huh?" Mandy said and Ziva nodded. "You know, the baby can hear us now," she commented. "If you want, if you feel ready, you can start talking or singing to him or her. Even reading out loud, if that's your thing. The baby will recognize your voice the moment he is born, when he's been hearing you speak for four and a half months."

Ziva's face clouded momentarily, then cleared. It was a lot to get used to. She wasn't sure how she felt about making a connection with this child, even though the first movements had irrevocably cemented them together. To think about bonding with the baby when her own emotional state was still in such confusion just made Ziva even more uncertain.

The doctor checked her notes. "Sure you don't want to change your mind about knowing the gender? That way you won't have to guess if your baby is a he or she."

"I think I will wait," Ziva replied, in no hurry to speed up the process.

"Whatever you like Ziva," Mandy agreed. "But now that I've told you about the baby, I should probably tell you about some changes in your body that you'll begin to notice."

"More changes?" Ziva asked, as if the evidence of being with child was not enough.

"'Fraid so," her doctor replied. "This is about the point in your pregnancy where the extra weight you're carrying will start to have an effect. You're smaller than average because you're still recovering, so these symptoms may take another week or two to show up."

"What should I expect?"

"Backaches. You might start seeing stretch marks developing as your skin adapts to your growing uterus. Although if your mom didn't have severe stretch marks, you may not either. It seems to be hereditary."

_Who will even notice, with all the others marks on my body?_ Ziva wondered to herself, not bothering to voice her feelings.

"That last thing to watch for is a feeling of clumsiness. Because of the hormones your joints are loosening and with the baby weight your center of gravity has shifted. So no high heels, take extra precautions when you're exercising and you should be good."

"I see. So am I to blame the hormones for everything?"

Mandy chuckled. "Why not? It's worked for women for centuries, you may as well join the club." The women shared a smile and then Dr. Meyers got to the final part of the appointment. "Now if you'll just lay down on the table for me, I'll do the exam, take some measurements and you'll be out of here."

Ziva complied and let the doctor do her work. She was now one week closer to being a mother and the former assassin still had no idea how she felt about the monumental change that had yet to occur and all the small ones that it seemed were still coming, whether she was ready or not.

**NCIS**

When Tony left work that night, he found himself driving in circles around the city. The disappointment that came with reaching this night and not being able to follow through on the plans he'd hoped so hard for, was almost crushing in its weight. Ziva wasn't speaking to him. It was probably a temporary thing, maybe by next week they'd be okay again. But he just didn't feel right looking at rings when things between them were strained.

He'd wished for it, hoped for it, had been nearly positive that four months would give her enough time to at least consider being with him, and with the new year less than a week old, it seemed like good timing, until it wasn't. Why did things always have to be so hard for them? Nothing had ever fallen into place for him and Ziva, not once. It was said that the hardest things were the ones worth working for the most, but no one ever told him it would be like this.

Pounding his fist on the steering wheel, Tony clenched his jaw against the anger he wanted to spew at life's unfairness. But what good would it do? Anger wouldn't fix what was wrong with Ziva or what hurt in him, anger wouldn't solve any of their problems or make everything okay again.

Letting out a heavy breath, Tony sighed and turned towards the one place he knew would always be the same, no matter what else was going on in the rest of the world. He drove past the jewellery store for the fifth time and was hit with a longing that Tony hoped would be soothed by a quiet basement and the familiar scent of sawdust. Tonight he just didn't have the right words. He'd known since they got her back that he loved Ziva, had thought for months about wanting to marry her, but how was he supposed to get his partner on board with that? She wasn't making it easy.


	19. Chapter 19

_A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for hanging in there with me over the journey this story has become. I'd like to announce that I'm almost positive I have finally finished writing this story! Yay! So TMA will wrap up at 27 chapters and starting Monday, I'll be posting three times a week - Monday, Wednesday, and Friday - so the story will be marked complete as of December 19, 2011. And just a heads up, I will be taking a month off to work on _Six Months Home_ before I start putting it up. I'll give you an ETA on that story when TMA is over. Thanks again for your faithful following and all your lovely comments, you guys make my day! :) ~Aliyah_

_PS. A good friend of mine, __**FS-13**__, has written some fabulous Tiva stories, so go check her stuff out if you haven't already!_

A knock on the door at 1930 Thursday night drew Tony up short. He'd been prepared for another long night by himself and wasn't expecting company. The glance out his peephole had Tony throwing the lock open. "Ziva."

She shifted from foot to fooy and looked pointedly past him into the apartment. "I was hoping the offer was still open. "I brought pizza."

He stared at her for a moment before stepping aside. "Yeah, for sure, come in." Tony eyed the familiar white box skeptically. "Peace offering?"

Ziva shrugged. "Something like that." She pulled a DVD out of her bad. "I think you once compared our partnership to Batman and Robin?"

Tony slipped on an easy grin, afraid to ask why she was suddenly acting like she hadn't been avoiding him all week. "I, of course, am Batman."

Ziva raised an eyebrow lazily. "Are you calling me a sidetick?"

"Sidekick," he muttered. "Uh, no, definitely not. I mean you..." He trailed off and Ziva tossed him the movie and set the pizza box on the coffee table.

"I think I should be Batman. Besides," she rolled right over his objections and headed towards the kitchen, "I look better in black."

Tony closed his mouth and hurried to set up the DVD player. He wasn't sure why, but he had his partner back. For now he wouldn't question it, but they seriously had to talk.

**NCIS**

When the credits began scrolling past and all the popcorn was finally gone, Tony turned to face Ziva more, noticing again the good foot of space she'd left between them. He hadn't dared to touch her yet tonight, not sure what she was thinking or how she could react. He was a little sensitive to rejection at the moment.

"So, Abby declared tomorrow to be a group night out," Tony began.

Ziva smiled briefly. "The memos were written in calligraphy. She must have been quite bored."

Tony frowned. "I don't think she's quite herself. I heard Jimmy complain that she was playing funeral music all day."

"Maybe one of her teeth is sick again," Ziva suggested, remembering Abby's melodramatic approach to her last dentist appointment.

"With Abby, one never knows," Tony intoned solemnly. "Does going out with us Friday night mess with your plans?" He tried really hard not to ask about her Monday, Wednesday, and Friday routine, but Tony wished she would tell him, trust him with whatever it was.

She shrugged. "No. We are not meeting at the restaurant until seven, I will just go earlier. If we do not have a case," she added.

"It's been a quiet week," Tony observed. He hooked his fingers together. "I think I'm going to tell Tim and Abby about the house thing. My realtor called today, I've got a couple viewings lined up for Monday evening." He hesitated because the last couple days had shaken his confidence in what he'd thought they were becoming. "Are you...I mean, do you have some free time that night, as long as we're off work on time?"

After a moment of thought, Ziva nodded. "I think so." She stood then, dashing his hopes of further conversation, and helped him clean up.

Tony dismantled the pizza box and threw out the popcorn bags. Ziva quickly washed their glasses and plates, then gathered her things to leave. Tony followed her to the door, reluctant to let her go just like that. Ziva seemed to be trying very hard to keep things simple and no string attached. He wanted to complicate the heck out of everything and find a way to tie them together for good.

As she reached for the doorknob, Ziva turned back, bit her lip, and fiddled with the lapel on her coat. Finally her eyes met his and the warring emotions in his partner's gaze cautioned Tony to tread carefully. "I am sorry for this week. I am not trying to shut you out completely but Sunday night..." She ran a hand through her hair and trailed off.

Tony sighed. "I shouldn't've pushed you to stay. Nothing about that night felt right, especially waking up and finding you gone. I'm sorry Ziva, I'm really...I'm trying not to make a mess of whatever this," he gestured to the two of them, "is, but I just...like...spending time with you."

Ziva shifted back a step as if she was ready to run away. "Tony you are...my partner but you have become...more than that and I am not...I am not ready." She was also scared, scared of losing everything she'd ever wanted and needed, scared of finding it, scared of messing it up, scared of what it would look like if it worked. But that could not be admitted, not tonight.

Flashing back to their conversation last Wednesday, Tony remembered telling her what he wanted and thinking he would wait. He ran his fingers through his hair. "I know Zi. I guess I just keep hoping you will be."

It was too much honesty and Ziva's fast blinking might have been trying to keep tears at bay. If she cried he wouldn't be able to stay where he was, three feet away where she considered him safe. "Everything is too close right now. I wish..." She shook her head. "Maybe you should not wait for me Tony."

It killed her to speak the words that had been running through her thoughts, but she forced them out anyways. But what the deeply buried, unable to hope romantic side of her really wanted to say was, _I need you, but I am afraid. Hold me tightly so I cannot run away. And please, do not let go. _Looking down, Ziva touched her abdomen lightly. "I can only think about my baby right now."

She was using the baby as an excuse, as a shield and he heard what she wasn't saying, saw past the walls trying to keep them both safe from being hurt. But letting go now would rip out his heart and rob her of a constancy she desperately needed. Even if it meant continuing to hide how deep his feelings ran, Tony would rather wait another year to see her settled than spend three days without her company again.

Tony swallowed hard. "How can I make you understand that you are worth it Zi, no matter how long it takes? I meant what I said in Somalia and I'll say it again if that's what you need to hear."

She shook her head slowly, obviously struggling with emotion now. "I have to go."

"Wait." He put his hand on her arm to stop her. "Are we okay?"

There were so many ways to answer that question, some lies, some truth. Ziva took a deep breath. "I do not know," she said at last. "I cannot..." she brushed a hand over her eyes. "Tony please do not make me think anymore."

"Okay." He dropped his hand. "I'll see you tomorrow." The statement was worded like a question.

Ziva nodded. "Tomorrow." She glanced up at him once and this time her eyes really wouldn't shut up, but all she said was a simple, "Good night."

Tony watched her go, feeling both relieved and confused. Neither one of them were good at talking about what they were thinking or being honest about their emotions. So tonight was a step forward even if it seemed like confirmed uncertainty and standing still. He sighed. As usual, Gibbs was right - this was not going to be easy.

**NCIS**

After leaving Tony's, Ziva sat in her car for a long time, unable to muster up the energy to turn the key. What she wanted most deep down she could not have, but perhaps, Ziva considered the idea carefully, she could have the next best thing. She pulled out her cellphone and her fingers hovered over the keys before finally tapping out a brief message.

_McGee, are you busy?_

At Tim and Abby's his phone buzzed and McGee flipped it open. Finding it strange that he would hear from Ziva so late, he glanced at Abby's sleeping form on the couch and decided she'd be okay by herself for a bit if Ziva needed something.

_I've got some time, what's up?_

Indecision filled the Israeli, but he was the only person she could make this request to. For once her reply was honest. _I do not know how to ask._

Tim picked up on this being something she really didn't do and tried to pave the way. _Do you need me to come over?_

Ziva bit her lip. _Yes_, she decided. _Coffee?_

_Sure. 15 minutes._

It took Ziva ten minutes to get home instead of the usual seven and she took the stairs as always. By the time Tim buzzed in, a thin stream of black coffee was drizzling into the pot and water had boiled for her tea. At his knock, Ziva called for him to come in, having left the door open so she could finish with their drinks.

McGee entered and shrugged off his winter outdoor clothes, gratefully accepting the hot beverage she handed him, already fixed the way he liked it. Ziva indicated the table and they sat, sipping from their mugs while Tim waited for her to explain why he was here.

"How is Abby?" Ziva asked, putting off the inevitable for a few more seconds.

"Sleeping when I left. She's been sick the last couple days."

That explained the behaviour Tony had described, but Ziva didn't want to think about her partner right now. She looked down. "I am sorry to take you from her."

Tim reached out and put his hand on her arm. "I came because I care Ziva. Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

Ziva twisted a lock of hair around her finger. "I am not very good at asking."

He gave her a small smile. "I wish I could read minds, but only Gibbs is that good." McGee's brow wrinkled. "Speaking of Gibbs, why didn't you go see him?" He was rarely anyone's first choice, although being married made him Abby's more often than before.

Ziva's eyes dropped to her tea. "Gibbs is like a father to me." Her voice became a whisper. "Tonight I needed a brother."

Tim relaxed. "That I can do. Kate treated me like a younger brother most of the time, and I have lots of practice being Sarah's big brother. How can I help Ziva?"

Her gaze met his and he could see the struggle to admit a need for someone else. Whatever it was, Ziva couldn't do it for herself. "I want a hug," she said finally, quietly. "Not from a father who wants to protect me, not from a...partner who wants to be more, but from a brother and a friend who cares about me." She wrapped her arms around herself. "I have not felt a brother's hug since Ari said goodbye."

The request dumbfounded McGee, but a moment later he stood and tugged her to her feet. "I think of you as my sister Ziva, and my friend. All you have to do is ask."

He moved slowly, giving her a chance to back away if he made her nervous. But Ziva seemed frozen until he slipped his arms around her back. Tentatively, she hooked one arm around his neck and wrapped the other behind his back. McGee held still, well aware that she was not used to this much contact.

Very quickly though her body relaxed and Ziva leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes as she held on tight. She wanted to remember what this felt like, to be confirmed worthy of...what had Tim told her last time? Oh yes, worthy of loyalty. It was a great thing to know that was how her team felt, affecting her more significantly than words could ever say.

Tim tightened his grip, supporting her, hoping it was the kind of comfort she needed. His warmth seeped into her, enveloping Ziva in a cocoon of safety and care. A brother's love was not a replacement for the kind her soul craved, but neither was it to be taken lightly. This kind of feeling was better than almost anything else.

They stayed like that for a long time before Ziva finally began pulling away. Her eyes were shiny with emotion and she offered him a small smile. "Thank you Tim. I...I needed that."

He grinned. "Anytime Ziva, seriously."

She tilted her head and looked at him. "You give good hugs."

"Well, considering I'm m-with Abby," he corrected himself quickly, hoping Ziva didn't catch the extra 'm' sound, "I get a lot of practice."

Concern replaced her contentment. "Are you and Abby...are you doing okay?" Ziva asked. Though she was not normally one to pry into other people's personal affairs, this mattered.

He frowned. "Yes. Why wouldn't we be?"

"Something just seems...different about the two of you." She shrugged. "I do not want to see anything go wrong."

McGee held her eyes, offering his reassurance. "Abby and I are good Ziva, I promise." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "Actually, I can't think of the last time my life was this happy. No matter what happens at work, I can always know I'm coming home to the woman I love."

She accepted his explanation, wishing it eased the gnawing feeling in her stomach. "I am glad that you have each other, but do you not want to make your commitment, your relationship, permanent at some point?"

He feigned surprise, she was getting too close. "You mean marriage?" Ziva nodded and Tim tried to figure out how to handle the question without giving away their secret or being false with her. "Well, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it, but Abby's always said she'd never getting married." He settled for an easy grin. "You think I could change her mind?"

Ziva's eyes gentled. "I think you are the only one who could."

Tim nodded. "I'll remember that, thanks." He checked his watch. It hadn't been overly long, but he didn't want to leave Abby by herself. He hadn't wanted to be too far away from her since she started feeling sick. "Are you okay?"

Reminiscent of the question Tony had asked only an hour earlier, but she could not think about him now. "I am...better," she said, feeling a little of the heaviness she'd been carrying around dissipate. "Thank you Tim."

He hugged her again, glad to know he could. "You're welcome Ziva." He squeezed her hand. "It's nice to feel needed."

"Yes," Ziva agreed slowly, but did not dwell too long on the idea. "And I think Abby will be missing you by now."

McGee got his coat and boots back on and turned to her again. "Take care of yourself."

"Goodnight," she whispered, closing the door behind him.

Ziva sighed. It had been so hard to ask, but so nice to feel that kind of care again. She didn't often admit it, but she missed her big brother, the way he'd been before bitterness corrupted his soul and made him nearly unrecognizable. It made her smile to realize that even with Ari gone, she had been blessed with another brother. Perhaps, Ziva mused as she headed for bed, doing everything on her own was not as important as she had first thought.


	20. Chapter 20

"Hey Abs!" Tony called as he strode into the lab Friday afternoon. Then he stopped short and cocked his head. "What? No music today?"

Abby lifted her head from her desk and glanced at him, her green eyes dull and her face paler than usual. "Hi."

Tony's expression was sympathetic. "Not feeling so hot, huh?"

"Hot, cold, and everything but the colour blue," the Goth mumbled. "What was your first clue?"

"Well, McWorrywart spilled the beans, but there's at least three indications since I walked in the door that you're not in normal Abby mode."

She reached for Bert and tucked him under one arm. "Did you need something?"

Tony leaned against the wall casually, hiding his concern. "Had to see if the rumours were true. You're second only to the Bossman when it comes to keeping the sick bugs away."

Abby closed her eyes and made a weak motion with her hand. "Timmy took away my Caf-Pow. Caf-Pow does not make me sick!" she insisted. "And now you've seen that I'm alive. Anything else before you go?"

Taken aback because his sister rarely kicked people out of her lab, Tony crossed his arms. "Guess our group night is off."

Her head popped up. "What? No way! We're going out!"

"Abby," he protested, "you look awful, which probably means you feel the same way. We can do it some other time."

Abby's most scalding look was little more than lukewarm, but the determination in her voice could not be mistaken. "It's the first one of the new year Tony, it's important."

Tony rolled his eyes. "On one condition then Abs - you have to go home and rest for a couple hours after work. We can meet later for drinks and appetizers."

While she wanted to insist she was fine, Abby couldn't pretend she was feeling anything less than lousy. "Fine. I'll take a nap. Happy?"

He crossed over to her desk and rubbed her back. "I'll be happy when you're feeling better."

Abby sighed. "You and me both. Now go away," she dismissed him, "I have to concentrate on running this search."

Tony leaned down to kiss her head and smiled. "See you later Abby."

Back in the squardroom, he dropped into his desk chair and rubbed his face. "I've never seen her like that before."

Tim's expression was full of concern. "Now you know why I said something. It's been four days. Add to that the lack of caffeine because she practically swam in the stuff on New Year's..." he shrugged. "I hate not being able to help."

A wealth of understanding filled Tony's eyes. "Believe me Probie, I know. So," he leaned back, "when are you gonna sic Ducky on her?"

McGee's gaze followed Gibbs' path to the back elevator. "It's not going to be me who makes her get checked out. No way she can hide how horrible she feels from Gibbs."

Tony looked where Tim was and watched the door slide shut. "I hope you're right."

**NCIS**

For this particular group night out, they chose a quiet, more intimate restaurant as none of them were really up for the garish atmosphere of their favourite pub. As he always did in situations where there would be several other people around, Tony positioned himself behind Ziva and slightly to one side, his hand at her back in case something made her nervous.

But unlike their first time out after she came back, tonight Ziva was trying hard to stay relaxed and at ease. The hostess led them to a corner booth and Tony let Ziva slide in first, automatically acting as a human shield whether she needed it or not. If she noticed, it wasn't mentioned and though Ziva kept more space between them than usual, she wasn't jumping every time he accidentally brushed against her arm or leg.

On the other side of the table McGee let Abby have the outside, more in case she had to get to the bathroom fast than for any other reason. The two hour nap she'd taken once they got home helped and she looked brighter than she had before, but McGee knew it was mostly pretense. She still felt miserable, she just wasn't showing it.

"So," he began, knowing Abby wasn't up to carrying the conversation this time, "what are we having?"

Abby was first to point to a picture on the menu. "I might just have the soup and bread. Y'all probably don't want to share with me tonight, in case I'm catching." She glanced at Ziva, whose hand had strayed to her abdomen. "Don't worry, I won't breathe on you or anything."

"I have a very good immune system Abby," she answered lightly. "Besides, I do not think you are contagious. Otherwise McGee would be sick too, yes?"

Abby's smile was a glimmer and she leaned into her husband's shoulder. "I guess he does have to put up with more of my germs than the rest of you do." Then she waved her hand. "I don't want to talk about me, being sick is boring. What's new with you guys?"

Tony glanced at Ziva but she didn't take the bait. He swirled his finger through the condensation left by his water glass. "Well, I have something to share."

Both McGee and Abby's interest was piqued and Abby sat forward to hear his news. Tony chuckled self-consciously. "Uh...I've decided to buy a house."

Abby's eyes widened, but a glance at Ziva's bare ring finger told her that part hadn't changed yet. Tim slid his fingers through Abby's under the table and smiled encouragingly. "Good for you."

Surprised at his friend's reaction, Tony nodded. "I know it's a big step, but I'm finally ready to...be grown up, I guess."

The hand of Abby's that wasn't holding McGee's slid across the table to rest on Tony's arm. "That's great Tony, really. And hey, if you ever want an opinion, I'm all up for house hunting with you."

He grinned. "Thanks Abs. I would love your input for sure, but actually," Tony nodded in his partner's direction, "Ziva has kindly agreed to be my tagalong and help me look."

A satisfied smile spread across Abby's face and she didn't say anything else. With perfect timing, the waitress showed up, forcing the group to focus on their order. The rest of the night was a decidedly enjoyable affair, filled with chatting and sharing and just spending time together as friends.

When they rose to leave, Tony noticed how Tim kept his arm around Abby the whole time, as if he could sense when she needed the support. Tony and Ziva followed the couple, and trying to make it look accidental, Tony brushed his hand against Ziva's, testing the waters.

Her fingers feathered over the back of his hand in a way that could've been totally unintentional as well. And while she didn't give him any encouragement to actually hold her hand, the smile Ziva sent him over her shoulder reignited Tony's hope for them.

He dropped her off and said 'Good night', taking the hint that she still needed space when her last words were, "See you Sunday." As Tony drove home, plans for the next morning slowly unfolded in his mind. If all went well, he'd be one step closer to being ready.

**NCIS**

Bright and early Saturday morning saw Ziva pushing her endurance levels in the pool, and Tony pacing outside the front doors of a well-known jewellery store downtown. His watch said there were six minutes left before the store opened and he'd already been there for fifteen. With his course set from the moment he opened his eyes, Tony hadn't been able to stay in his apartment once he was ready to face the day.

Four minutes later a man several years older than himself hurried over to unlock the doors. "Good morning sir."

Tony glanced at the Hours of Operation sign. "Opening early?"

The clerk grinned. "I know an anxious man when I see one. I doubt the extra two minutes will bother management very much." He stepped aside so Tony could enter and indicated the glass display cases with a wave of his hand. "What can I do for you?"

Tony tried to contain his nerves. "If you're going to be privy to all my deepest secrets, I may as well know your name."

"John," the man offered."

He held out his hand. "Tony. I bet you guys get better stories than hair dressers."

John chuckled. "I could fill books with all the confidential information that has been shared within these walls." He met Tony's gaze. "Do you have something in mind?"

Tony blew out a breath. "I need something special, something that...looks like love. Wow," he frowned once the heard the words out loud, "that sounded lame."

"Not at all," John assured him, "in fact, I have an idea." He put his hand on Tony's shoulder and steered him towards the corner. "What do you think of that?"

Tony stared at the display in shock and delight. It couldn't possibly be this easy. "It's perfect," he breathed. "Can I get a closer look?"

John smiled knowingly and handed him the box. "Take all the time you need."

**NCIS**

"Ha!" Tony yelled triumphantly on Sunday afternoon. "B7."

Ziva's glare bored into him from the other side of the couch. "Hit," she grumbled.

"I knew it!" Tony's eyes lit up. "This round is all mine David."

"If only this was hand to hand combat," the Israeli complained, a veiled threat in the suggestion.

Tony ran his eyes down her body and stopped at the small bump her new clothes accentuated. "Y'know, I'm kind of glad I don't have to worry about that being an option right now. Your turn," he reminded his partner after she'd spent several seconds staring at him and plotting revenge.

Ziva was just about to make her decision when Tony's cellphone rang. He checked the number and winced, warning her. "DiNozzo."

"Gear up," came Gibbs' gruff tone. "Got a case and it's already messy. Get the others."

"On it Boss," Tony sighed, feeling the calm of the last few hours fade away. He faced Ziva again. "Got a case." At her expression, his eyes narrowed. "Hey, did you peek at my board?"

Ziva pasted on her best wide eyed look of innocence. "I do not know what you are talking about Tony. Soldiers do not cheat."

"Uh huh," he returned, unconvinced. "I don't trust that look."

She raised an eyebrow. "You do not trust me Tony?"

He snorted. "With my life Zi. But board games are a whole different ballgame."

"I thought we were playing Battleship." Her face screwed up into her most endearing expression of confusion.

Tony shook his head. "Never mind."

She frowned and then decided to ignore him. "I am going to get ready."

"Better make sure you have your go bag," Tony called after her. "I don't think this is going to be a short one."

When Ziva disappeared into the bathroom, Tony flopped back onto the couch and dialed the next number on his list. Three rings later Tim's voice came on the line. "Hey Tony, what's up?"

The senior field agent sighed. "Got a case Probie. Boss is calling the team in."

McGee nodded and tapped Abby on the shoulder. "Okay. We'll be there."

"How is she?"

He brushed his knuckles down Abby's cheek and began moving out of hearing range. "Alright, but she could've used the whole day off." His wife glared and Tim shrugged. She signed, _'I'm fine'_ an he just raised and eyebrow. _'Liar'_, 'he fingerspelled.

Tony waited a beat. "Are you alone yet? How is she really?"

Tim sank down on the edge of their bed and rubbed his eyes. "She keeps insisting she's fine, just a little tired and not hungry. But I know she's not eating just because she's afraid she'll get sick again. And even when she hasn't had any food, she's still throwing up on an empty stomach. I hate this helplessness."

"I hear ya," Tony agreed, knowing Abby was not one to admit that she was beaten. "She'll fight actually saying she's sick until she can't even get out of bed."

"We'll be in as soon as we can," Tim promised, watching Abby's slow progress up the stairs.

"See you at the office," Tony replied.

He flipped the phone closed and started cleaning up Ziva's livingroom. At least if they were busy working, he wouldn't have time to think about the little box under his pillow. Tony had a feeling there was still a lot of waiting in his future, there was no point in getting ahead of things.

**NCIS**

The rest of Sunday was a blur. Everyone had been called in and Matt was pulling double duty because Gibbs took one look at Ziva and as if he'd only just noticed that she was showing, declared her on desk duty, effective immediately. And it didn't help th at his first trip down to the lab found Abby relying on tea instead of Caf-Pow to get the job done.

Gibbs' worry grew as he watched her hold onto various things in the lab to keep her balance and his next stop in Autopsy informed Jimmy that he'd just become Abby's part-time assistant. If it wasn't such a big case, Gibbs would've pulled in an outside lab and sent Abby home.

But as much as he hated it, they needed her. And should she still be feeling this bad by the end of the case, Gibbs was going to drag her to see Ducky whether she liked it or not. If she didn't know better than to make them worry like this, then he could ignore her lies about being fine.

**NCIS**

It was very early Monday morning before Gibbs approved a four hour break for the team to catch some shut eye. McGee immediately headed for the back elevator, while Tony pulled a neck pillow out of his bottom desk drawer and spread out the bedroll he'd found in his trunk on the floor behind his desk.

Gibbs appeared and handed Ziva a camping mattress, sleeping bag and pillow, rustled up from who knows where, muttering under his breath that pregnant women should not be sleeping on the floor. Ziva gave him a faint smile, glanced over at Tony and went off to one of the empty conference rooms. If the nightmares chose tonight to make an appearance, she did not want an audience.

Down in the lab McGee found Abby curled up on her futon mattress in the ballistics lab. She offered him a faint smile. "I wasn't sure you'd come."

He kissed the side of her head. Much to Tim's disappointment, she'd banned him from kissing her properly until she felt better, not wanting to infect him too. "Nowhere else I'd rather be Abbs." As soon as he laid down behind her, Abby relaxed into him and pulled Tim's arm around her. He nuzzled her neck. "Sleep babe, I'll be right here."

"Can only sleep...with you...anyways," she whispered as her eyes slid closed. Tim watched her for a minute before his own fatigue caught up with him. Even though they were at work, if he could still hold his wife while they slept, then it would be a good night for both of them.

**NCIS**

Four hours of sleep really wasn't enough, Tony thought when Gibbs roused them shortly before seven hundred. He stifled another yawn and checked his watch - Monday the eighth. A thought hit him and Tony grabbed his phone, finding the number in his contact list. She wouldn't be at work yet, but he could at least leave a message.

Listening to the recording, Tony punched in her extension and waited for the beep. "Hey Marlene, it's Anthony DiNozzo calling. I know we had a few appointments booked for this evening, but something came up at work so I need to reschedule for later this week. Let me know what works best, you have my numbers, thanks."

He hung up just as Ziva came around the corner. "The case has muffled your plans, yes?" she asked.

"Muffed up," Tony corrected. It was too early to be playing a human spellcheck. He frowned. "How come you look so refreshed."

She smiled. "I have lots of practice living off only a few hours' sleep."

Tony shook his head. "Wish I had your skills."

Gibbs marched into the bullpen and handed Tony a slip of paper. "Re-interview the CO? Okay, on it Boss. Come on Zi." She gave him a look and he sighed. "Right, I'm stuck with either McGeek or the new guy."

"Need McGee on the money trail," Gibbs said, and Tony rolled his eyes.

"Assistant Probie," he barked, "on my six."

Matt jumped out of his chair and reached for his backpack and sidearm, trying to focus his eyes. "Yup." He followed the senior agent to the elevator and before the doors closed, Tony saw Ziva's longing look. It was going to be a long few months without her watching his back.

**NCIS**

Monday night found them no closer to solving anything than they had been twelve hours before. But with Gibbs and Fornell fighting things out in the elevator, at least they had a few moments of peace. Grabbing the chance while she could, Ziva retreated to the alcove by the stairs and pulled out her phone.

"Ops," a familiar voice answered.

"Duke, it is Ziva."

"What can I do for you David?"

She rubbed her forehead. "We have a case, I cannot make it."

"How bad?" he asked, hearing the tension in her voice.

"Bad," Ziva answered. "We are staying until something breaks."

"I'll give you a free pass on Wednesday too," Duke offered. "I don't want to see you in here on no sleep."

"Friday then," Ziva agreed. "Goodnight Duke."

"Get some rest," he urged her.

"Maybe later," she replied vaguely. "Goodbye."

Later proved to be much later and the previous night's routine was repeated. Tony watched Ziva move towards the conference room again and tamped down his desire to at least sleep in the same room with her. Ziva was looking for space and so far they'd been around each other for most of the last thirty-seven hours. Somehow that didn't seem to count, so it was probably a good thing for him to stay at his desk. But that didn't mean he didn't wish things were different.


	21. Chapter 21

Ziva opened her eyes to the dim, predawn light, not fully coherent after such little sleep until she saw the dreadedly familiar stone walls, the single window above her head, and felt the hard dirt floor under her. She sat straight up, then winced as the movement produced a stabbing pain,

Looking down, Ziva's hands touched her flat stomach and she closed her eyes. "No, no, no." No rescue, no baby, no Tony or Gibbs or Abby or McGee or Ducky or Palmer. Had it really all been a dream? Had she lost her second chance forever? A fit of nausea gripped her and Ziva rolled over to retch on the floor. But she hadn't eaten in days and there was nothing to come up.

Sagging against the wall, Ziva glanced down and saw with relief that she was clothed, but it was the same grungy, dirty, sweat and blood stained shirt and pants she'd lived in and out of for three months. Waves of helplessness crashed over Ziva and she couldn't stop the tears that came. Laying back down, she curled into a ball, cradling her still healing fractured right arm when the movement jostled it.

Footsteps down the corridor alerted her to the beginning of another day, another interrogation, another lesson that would leave her bleeding and broken and wishing for death. She cringed when the door swung open, but kept her breathing even, though she knew the pretense of sleep would not stop them.

Silently she braced for the boot to her ribs that was her usual wake up call, and was surprised to feel a hand on her shoulder, trying to turn her onto her back. Every defense mechanism she had ever cultivated jumped into action, and still fighting the incredible pain of the loss of her new life, the life where she might've been happy for the first time, Ziva struggled, trying with all her might to stop what was about to happen. Being used was almost worse than the beatings.

"No, no, no, no," she begged over and over in Arabic, aware that not a shred of compassion existed anywhere in their dark twisted souls. She didn't care any longer about being stoic and silent, she just desperately did not want to feel the torment of being assaulted one more time. She never wanted to let it happen, but she had no way to make it stop in normal cases. However, if there was only one, maybe she had a chance.

The man grabbed her arms and unexpectedly shook her. Ziva opened her eyes and it was still one of Saleem's men leaning over her, but his accent was American and why was he calling her by name? They never used her name, content to curse at her with a great many other terms they'd come up with over the past several weeks.

Suddenly the voice broke through her thoughts and Ziva had never felt such immense relief as when she blinked and the cell became an NCIS conference room, and the terrorist morphed into the man she trusted most in the world. But fear still gripped her as her eyes darted around to all the corners. Was this just another dream, another hallucination, another way to torture her?

"Come on Ziver," Gibbs said, trying to keep his voice soothing and not to give into the panic that was creeping up on him. He hadn't witnessed one of her nightmares since she'd stayed with him, and he'd been able to get her out of those fairly quickly.

"Wake up," he urged, shaking her gently. Ziva's eyes were open but the terror in her gaze belonged to Africa, not DC. Whatever kind of nightmare she was seeing, she was deep into it and he had to grab her arms when she lashed out in self-defense at the sound of a man's voice.

Finally, to his relief, Ziva blinked and when she spoke her voice was a tremulous question. "Gibbs?"

He sighed. "It's me Ziva."

Confusion overtook her and Ziva immediately tugged her hands from his grip and felt her abdomen, bowing her head in relief. Then she looked up at him. "Did I scream?" She really didn't want anyone else to know what the dreams were like, or how bad they could get.

Gibbs shook his head and brushed his fingers across her cheek. "You were crying, saying 'No', over and over again. I was just coming to wake you anyways, glad I did."

Ziva felt her cheeks and her hands came away wet. Gibbs touched her hair. "What happened?"

She closed her eyes. "It was awful Gibbs, very few of them have felt so real, and not for a long while." Ziva shook her hands out and rubbed them, touched her arm that no longer hurt. "I was in my cell as if a rescue had never happened. My arm was not yet healed, I was not pregnant, and...they were coming for me again." She wrapped her arms around herself. "Are you sure this is real? I do not want to go back."

"Oh Ziva," Gibbs sighed, sinking down beside her. He put an arm around her shoulders and Ziva leaned her head on his chest. "This is real, I promise. We got you back, we're not ever letting go again."

Ziva nodded against his chest, desperately needing the reassurance. They stayed that way for a long time, then Gibbs sent her for a shower and a cup of tea before she joined the team. Tony kept watch on the hallway until she appeared half an hour later, cradling a steaming mug in her hands.

She smiled briefly at him, but even though it had been weeks since the last one he'd seen, Tony recognized the nightmare that haunted her eyes for the rest of the day. Ziva shied away from close contact with both him and Tim, but seemed to have designated herself as Gibbs' shadow as often as he was around. It would've been so nice to be oblivious to the signs of her suffering, but Tony knew her too well and because she was hurting, so was he.

**NCIS**

Eleven o'clock on Tuesday morning found Ziva buried under a mountain of details she was taking care of while the rest of the team did the legwork for the case, all the while still fighting the echoes of her early morning nightmare. Then the time registered as being significant and Ziva reached for her phone, dialing the extension for Psyche.

Jarrin answered. "Dr. Andrews' office."

"Hello, this is Agent David. I need to leave a message for Devon."

"I can put you through to her Ziva," The woman answered.

"No, I am sorry but I do not have time to speak with her. Please tell Devon that my team has a case and I cannot make my appointment today."

"Did you want to reschedule?" Jarrin asked.

Ziva thought about it for a moment. If Devon knew about the nightmare, she would insist that they talk. But because she didn't, it felt good to be able to escape the scrutiny for one more week. "No. I will see her next week."

"Okay, thanks for calling."

"Goodbye."

Jarrin set the phone in its cradle and knocked on Dr. Andrews' door.

"Come in." Devon turned around, "Ziva, I-oh, Jarrin."

"Sorry Dr. A, but Agent David just called to cancel her appointment. MCRT has a case and she can't get away."

Devon nodded in understanding. "That's fine. When did you reschedule for?" She flipped open her planner to mark the date.

Jarrin's forehead wrinkled. "I asked, but she didn't want to. Ziva said she'd see you next week."

Dr. Andrews' face fell and she reached for the slip of paper. "Thank you Jarrin. Hold my calls for awhile, will you? I need to catch up on some paperwork."

Her assistant nodded and left, and Devon sat down at her desk. Ziva's therapy was completely optional and they had made a lot of progress over the last two months. But the focus of her sessions had shifted since Ziva found out about her pregnancy, and they'd been mainly dealing with her feelings regarding Agent DiNozzo.

A quick glance through her notes revealed that it had actually been some time since they talked about Somalia and its aftereffects. And while Devon was open to discussing whatever it was Ziva needed to get off her chest, at some point they were really going to have to get back to dealing with what brought her into therapy in the first place. Maybe a week off would give them both a new perspective. With that thought in mind, Devon picked up her pen and began to write.

**NCIS**

Since Ziva was no longer allowed out of the building, she was suddenly handed several responsibilities all at once. Researching, reports, being in charge of connecting with all parties involved in the case and assisting on interrogations kept her so busy she barely had time to think about her new restrictions.

Their case was complicated and spread over three jurisdictions. An officer killed on a Navy ship, a street gang selling goods smuggled out by a platoon of Marines, and millions in missing laundered money brought together three groups who rarely worked well together. But for the sake of justice, this time all else had been set aside.

Fornell was in and out, Tony played Liaison with Metro PD, Gibbs was mainlining caffeine, and Abby was up to her elbows in evidence - sometimes calling both McGee and Palmer in to help. Of course they would be at their busiest when she wasn't feeling well, but unfortunately the investigation did not slow its pace because she was sick.

Ducky was working closely with Dr. Jordan as she assisted in the multiple autopsies that needed to be done, and played the Chief ME's assistant when Jimmy's presence was required in the lab. Director Vance just wanted everything solved so his agency and his agents could get back to normal.

Agent Collins had learned a lot in the last month and was put to work in many different capacities. He helped Ziva with research, assisted McGee in checking out tips and getting updates on BOLOs, took SitReps frequently up to Leon's office and kept Abby supplied with juice, tea, water or whatever else she felt like - not to mention the field work he was also responsible for now.

Then, in the middle of everything on Thursday afternoon, Gibbs walked in and motioned for them both to follow him to Interrogation. "Let Matt be lead on this one," he told Ziva, "I want to see how he does."

She nodded in acknowledgment and took a place near the corner when Matt let her go first, while he sat in the chair across from their suspect, opened the folder in his hand and began laying out pictures. Matt had done interrogations before in LA, but it was 360 degrees different doing it for Agent Gibbs. He'd been watching closely for weeks and started by borrowing a bit from Tony and a bit from Gibbs' style.

Ziva watched but said nothing. If she had to guess, the tattooed bald man in front of her was guilty, she just wasn't sure if it was of something relevant to their investigation. He'd come in protesting but non-violent, so sat with his hands uncuffed on the table.

It didn't take a lot to see Matt's comments and questions were getting to him. His eyes darkened dangerously and when they shifted to her, Ziva read his intentions in the split second before he moved. She was already spinning towards the wall, protecting her stomach from the punch that grazed her ribs.

Without even blinking, Ziva rammed her elbow back into his nose as he reached for her arm, then turned slightly to hook one foot behind his ankle, dropping him to the ground. Already breathing hard and ready for a fight, Ziva had to stop her next move when Matt got between them, flipping the man over and kneeling on his back to secure the cuffs just as the door flew open and Tony barreled in, Gibbs right behind him.

If they hadn't been at work, Tony would've hugged her. Instead he settled for a long look in her eyes, an instinctive glance up and down her body to check for injuries, and a hand that hovered over her shoulder, hesitating only because of the triumph mixed with hostility that still shimmered in his partner's eyes.

"I am not helpless," she announced, clenching her fingers into fists to still the trembling as Gibbs helped Matt wrestle their subject back into the chair. The glare the new agent got promised he'd hear about it later for not anticipating quickly enough. Gibbs literally expected his agents to be able to see the future and heaven help them if they failed.

Ziva set her shoulders and walked out the door but only made it to the end of the hall before she had to press her back into the wall and take a breath. Her hands were shaking, her vision narrowed, and her breathing rapid - she recognized the signs of a panic attack. But because of the way the man had come at her, the fear that ripped through her heart when he reached for her, Ziva wondered if the flashback might win.

Two figures charged out of Interrogation after her and it was a race between Gibbs and Tony to see who reached her first. But Gibbs saw her struggling and knew enough to slow down. In his eagerness to make sure she was okay, Tony didn't and his hurried footsteps threw Ziva's eyes wide open and put her on the defensive, hands out in case she needed to strike.

Tony only paused for half a second to make sure she was really seeing him and not some terrorist with a gun before he invaded her space and cupped her face in his hands, leaning his forehead against hers and whispering the words onto her closed eyelids. He'd learned long ago that physical contact, though it scared her initially, was also instrumental in getting her out of the memories.

"Zi, Ziva, it's okay. Come on Ninja, you can fight this. Stay here, stay with us. It's safe Zi, no one is going to hurt you or the baby, we won't let them."

Ziva's breathing calmed to match the steady rhythm of Tony's speech as he repeated the assurances over and over, and finally she opened her eyes, gratitude for his understanding flashing in the brown orbs before she pushed it away to find the neutral expression she needed to hide behind. As soon as Tony saw she was back, he let go and spun to face Gibbs.

"I do not want my partner doing interrogations with the newbie anymore," he said firmly, confident, as if he was the one who got to make that decision. But rather than smack him, Gibbs nodded once, knowing enough not to argue with the look on Tony's face. His Senior Field Agent was fighting for much more than just a partner.

Brushing past him, Gibbs looked Ziva over, careful not to touch her - she was too close to the wall and he didn't want her to feel cornered or trapped. Though it hadn't escaped him that Tony could get as close as he wanted and not make things worse.

"That ever happens again Ziva and someone goes after you in there because you're pregnant and they think you're vulnerable, that's it for close contact with suspects. Got it?"

Her expression wanted to fight it, wanted to do as much as she could for as long as possible, but her hands hovering protectively over the gentle roundness of her abdomen wanted nothing more than to keep her baby safe. Ziva's agreement was little more than the dip of her head and Gibbs sighed.

"Are you okay?"

Ziva frowned and waited, her fingers massaging gentle circles along the sides of her bump. When she felt movement, she smiled for the first time, her eyes washing clear of fear and worry. "Yes, we are fine."

She'd started using 'we' a lot over the last month, ever since she felt the baby move for the first time and knew without a shadow of a doubt that this was real and happening. Gibbs liked it, though he could tell from the longing in Tony's gaze that he wanted to be part of the protective bubble Ziva was casting around herself and her child.

Gibbs jerked his head at Tony, keeping his eyes fixed on Ziva. "Take a break, calm down. Back to work in twenty."

Assuming he meant together, Tony spared a glance toward the door of Interrogation, torn between going back in and tearing a strip off their suspect or taking a walk with Ziva. Gibbs shook his head. "He's mine. Go."

Tony reached for her hand before he thought about it, relieved when her fingers curled around his. He needed so badly to be touching her right now, because watching the attack coming from the other side of the mirror and not being able to get there fast enough had scared him deeply. As they headed for the breakroom to get a hot drink, Tony and Ziva could hear Gibbs yelling before the door slammed shut.

"What the heck did you think you were doing? Threatening an NCIS employee wasn't only stupid, but it also just cost you your ticket out of here. If it were up to me, you wouldn't get any rights, but for the lawyers..." Gibbs growled, "Collins, read him his rights."

Tony smiled but Ziva didn't relax until she held a cup of hot tea in her hands and leaned back against the chair in an empty conference room. He took a swallow of coffee and looked at his partner. "I should've been there Ziva. He could've-"

She tapped the back of his hand with one finger and shook her head. "Thank you Tony, but I can take care of us."

Tony nodded, shoving his fingers into his hair. He wanted that to be his responsibility. "I know, I'm just...I'm supposed to have your back." Her partner's voice broke at the end, when he thought about how Ziva or the baby could've easily been hurt.

But there was no blame in Ziva's smile. "You always have."

_Except when I didn't_, he thought glumly, wondering how many less scars she would have if he'd done things differently last year.

"I can hear you feeling guilty," she said softly. "Stop. You are here now, that is what matters. No one can change...before."

Tony listened to her words, but it didn't mean he had to accept them. They finished their drinks in silence and it was another eight hours before the case was solved and everyone was allowed to go home. Tired as they were after four nights of sleeping at the office for a few hours at a time on spare patches of floor, Tony insisted on still having Movie Night as his place. Rather than argue, Ziva followed him to the elevator and stood beside him while he hit the button for the ground floor.

They were standing close together, staring straight ahead in silence when she leaned against him ever so slightly, slipping her small cold hand into his larger one. If Tony hadn't been so stunned that she'd finally actually reached out, he might've hugged her, which probably wasn't a good idea unless she asked.

As it was he was so tired and emotionally drained that he had to swallow back tears of gratitude. In the end Tony did nothing more than squeeze her hand. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a small smile grace Ziva's lips. He held her hand out to the car and all the way back to his place. Her willing touch was a gift he didn't take lightly and he would take advantage of it while he could.

**NCIS**

Ziva claimed the couch while Tony dragged himself over to his movie wall and tried to make his eyes focus on the DVD titles. Knowing how much she liked horses, he finally settled on _Flicka_, left it with her, and stumbled down the hall to change out of his suit. When Tony returned, he dropped the clothes of his that she'd often worn as pyjamas on Ziva's lap. With a raised eyebrow look, she set them aside. Tony pretended he didn't notice.

The film began and Tony turned hopeful eyes to Ziva. "Hey, it's Thursday, can I try again?"

Every week Tony had been touching her belly to see if he could feel the baby move. So far it had been three weeks of disappointment. But Ziva still smiled and moved his hand to the spot where she was currently getting kicked. The baby had been active as soon as she sat down to relax, of course. Tony concentrated hard and Ziva frowned.

"I cannot believe you do not feel that," she said, frustrated. "I feel like my insides have become a gymnasium."

A gentle tap hit Tony's palm and his eyes widened. He held his breath, waiting, and then it came again. A grin spread over his face. "I do feel it Ziva. I can feel it!" He pressed his hand against her bump a little harder and was rewarded with a more forceful jab. "Wow, that's something else. It must feel crazy from the inside."

Tony looked like a little boy at Christmas in his excitement and the fleeting thought passed through Ziva's mind that if they were married and this was their baby, he'd probably kiss her right now. She didn't take the time to measure how much she wanted that as part of her something permanent. Instead she just let Tony keep his hand on her abdomen until the baby changed positions and he couldn't feel the movements anymore.

Then she pushed him away gently, took the pjs he'd given her and headed for the bathroom. It was hard to miss the satisfaction in Tony's gaze when she came out wearing his clothes. Ziva settled down beside him again, his body heat keeping her suitably distracted from the plot. But middle of January weather made Tony's apartment colder than normal since he hadn't been home all week and she shivered.

Tony looked over, paused the movie, and returned from his room two minutes later holding a dark blue OSU hoody. He held it up and at Ziva's nod, tugged it over her head. Five and a half months pregnant or not, the sweater still swam on her. But the small smile gracing her lips, the way she hugged it around herself and lifted the neckline to breathe in his scent when she thought he wasn't looking made Tony feel more content than he had in a long time.

This was what his life was missing, this kind of comfort and warmth and familiarity that he still got four times a week. Every other day and on weekends, Tony could pretend that Ziva was his, that they were together and this was the normal they now shared.

But on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays reality reminded him that they weren't together yet and if he wanted more with Ziva, he would eventually have to ask. It was that moment he now waited for and on nights like tonight when he could almost hold Ziva in his arms, it couldn't come soon enough.


	22. Chapter 22

_A/N: This is Wednesday's chapter but I'm posting tonight because I will have absolutely no time tomorrow. Thanks for the reviews guys, y'all are awesome! :) ~Aliyah_

The hour was late but Ziva had fallen asleep against him and since Director Vance insisted the team take a long weekend and not come to work tomorrow, Tony didn't really care. He smiled down at the dark haired Israeli sleeping on his shoulder. She hadn't even made it an hour into the movie before losing the battle to keep her eyes open.

She'd been breathing deeply for more than two hours and he was certain Ziva was asleep. Very lightly lest he disturb her, Tony placed his hand on her bump. Even through the layers of her clothes and his sweater, it wasn't long before he felt a tiny kick. A slow smile spread across his face and he did what he'd seen Ziva do, started rubbing tiny circles along the side of her growing belly.

"Hey there," Tony said softly, keeping his voice low, not wanting Ziva to notice. "Look, I know I'm just some guy whose voice you hear a lot, but someday," he glanced at his partner's relaxed features, ensuring that she hadn't stirred, "someday Chipmunk, I hope to be a whole lot more." Picking a nickname for the baby had never occurred to him, it just slipped out and it felt so natural that he didn't even stop to question it.

The baby kicked again, once, twice, three times, harder than before. Tony frowned. "I hope that's not your final answer." He moved his hand to the other side, continuing the gentle circles. "Anyhow, I just wanted you to know what a cool mom you have. She's..." Tony swallowed, his heart speeding up a bit as he remembered Ziva the way she was in that room in the middle of a terrorist camp.

"She's been through a lot and you," he chuckled, "you were a big surprise Chipmunk. But she'd already do anything to protect you, today is proof of that. And she loves you. Maybe she doesn't know how to say it yet because there's so much more to the story, but she does, I can tell."

The moment felt so surreal and Tony almost expected it to be a dream he'd wake up from at any second. But Ziva slept on and her baby moved beneath his hand. He closed his eyes, wishing things could stay like this, just like this, for more than a few hours.

"And you know what," he let his voice drop to less than a whisper, "ever since I got to hear your heartbeat, I've known I would do anything for you and your mom. You're one special kid."

Even with the intimacy of sitting with his hand on his partner's stomach, talking to her baby, Tony still felt that leaning down to kiss her bump, a sudden urge that surprised him, would be too much. So instead he turned slightly and worked his right arm under Ziva's knees, tightened his left arm around her back and lifted her, gritting his teeth with the effort. It wasn't nearly as graceful or easy as it looked in the movies, but there was no way he was letting a pregnant woman sleep on his couch all night.

Ziva barely stirred when he laid her down on what he'd thought of for months as her side of his bed. A small part of him was glad that the pillow and sheets would hold her scent again. On long lonely nights, that was what he missed, a reminder of the time they had shared and remembering that for a few days and a few nights, it had been good and she had trusted him and felt safe with him.

Brushing his hand over her hair, Tony tucked the quilt around her and whispered, "Goodnight Zi." The blanket usually reserved for her nighttime visits now became his bedding as he fell onto the couch, ready to not open his eyes again for about fifteen hours.

His last thought was to be glad Ziva was here and hope she didn't have a nightmare. When they were that close he couldn't hide his heart, and she wasn't yet ready to see what would be blatantly obvious if he had to comfort her tonight. Letting his eyes slide shut, Tony gave himself up to the sleep that came.

**NCIS**

Ziva woke up in Tony's bed and looked around the room, confused. She remembered last night and only seeing about forty-five minutes of _Flicka_ before she couldn't keep her eyes open any more. But why was she here instead of on the couch? She looked over her shoulder, expecting to see Tony laying behind her, but only flat sheets greeted her gaze, along with a stab of disappointment she tried to ignore.

It still amazed her that he wouldn't share the bed without her permission when she knew he wanted so badly to be near her whenever possible. He had changed so much, she was only just beginning to realize the depth of her partner's transformation. Perhaps that was the reason she felt so much more comfortable today, as compared to almost two weeks ago when waking up in Tony's apartment had pushed her over the edge of what she could handle.

Maybe it was because she'd fallen asleep without even realizing it, maybe the lack of pressure was what made her feel so at home in his room now. But whatever it was, Ziva was glad. She was tired of being on edge, wondering what was coming next that she might need to steel herself against. Today would just be pure relaxation time with her partner, hopefully with no more strings attached than those that already bound them together.

Pushing herself up, Ziva smiled a little at the warmth of Tony's sweatshirt engulfing her. Even without him there, she'd still slept surrounded by him, in a way. As she left the room, Ziva glimpsed the clock and her mouth almost fell open. Yes they may have hardly slept for four days, but the last time she'd stayed in bed until eleven...well, that had been Tony's fault too.

Her steps fell silently on the floor as she walked to the livingroom. Tony was stretched out on the couch, using 'her' pillow and blanket. Ziva stood and watched him for a minute, but he was still dead to the world. Instead of feeling awkward about this strange morning after, Ziva took two towels from the linen closet and used the shower off Tony's room, hoping it would be far enough away that the sound of running water wouldn't wake him up. Gibbs went easier on her than Tony because he wasn't pregnant, but he needed the sleep just as much as she did.

Since there was no rush, Ziva took her time washing her hair and body, well aware of the fact that she would now smell like his shampoo and body wash until after her swim tomorrow. Use of the blow dryer caused her dark hair to fall into the wild wavy look Tony loved, and she smiled before wrinkling her brow, trying to recall when she had started doing things to please him.

Instead of putting on the clothes of Tony's that she'd slept in, Ziva dressed in her outfit from yesterday, keeping only the sweatshirt to ward off January's chill. It was just after twelve when she returned to the livingroom and debated about going home or leaving for a walk or making something for breakfast.

Her stomach grumbled and food won over the other choices. After all, it would be mean to leave without at least saying goodbye to her partner. Tony would automatically assume he did something wrong and come looking for her, so it was easier just to stay.

Although she tried to be quiet getting out dishes and ingredients to cook, Ziva soon realized she could make as much noise as she wanted. Tony was completely out of it, even a bomb going off probably wouldn't wake him. Because she could, Ziva made a few different dishes, mimicking the last time Tony had cooked the morning meal for her.

A breakfast casserole with eggs, cheese, broccoli and chicken went in the oven, a stack of pancakes sat covered by a towel, and turkey bacon sizzled in the frying pan while bread sat in the toaster just waiting to be put down. Ziva enjoyed cooking and hummed quietly as she put everything together. Making elaborate meals for one person seemed like a waste, but cooking for two and being able to split the leftovers worked much better.

In the end, Ziva wasn't sure if it was the food or the thin drizzle of coffee into the pot that really brought Tony back to consciousness. With his eyes still closed, Tony sniffed the air appreciatively. "This better not be a dream," he mumbled.

"You will have to come here to see," Ziva responded lightly.

Tony sat up, stretched and yawned. "What time is it?" he groaned, still feeling like he'd been pummeled.

She glanced at the clock. "Almost two." It surprised her how much of the day they'd lost, that was why she hated sleeping in.

Tony shuffled down the hall without commenting and disappeared into his room. Ziva gave him some space, knowing it took him a little longer to become coherent. A quick change of clothes was in order, a fresh layer of deodorant, and he wasn't getting close to Ziva until he brushed his teeth. Tony took the extra time to run a razor over his face and wet down his hair, which was again sticking up like a porcu...swine. He grinned. Teasing Ziva about that particular mis-speak never got old.

Finally he felt as presentable as he was going to get on short notice and without a shower. When Ziva met him in the kitchen with a mug of coffee sweetened to his taste, Tony wondered if this really was a dream. If it was, he sure as heck didn't want to wake up. Perhaps sensing his mood, Ziva smiled gently.

"Come Tony," she said as he followed her to the table. "It is time for breakfast."

**NCIS**

"Oh Ziva, that casserole was fantastic!" Tony said later as they sat together in the kitchen.

"I would hope so," she smirked. "You had three helpings."

"Between that and the pancakes, I'm stuffed," he admitted, then narrowed his eyes at her. "You did kind of hog the bacon though."

Ziva, remembering the breakfast burrito incident from years ago, took a bite of the last piece, then offered the rest to her partner with a teasing grin. Just to show her that he'd changed and this was different and she didn't get to win all the time, Tony snatched the bacon and shoved it into his mouth.

"Smooth DiNozzo," she said dryly, carrying her plate to the sink. Tony did the same and they worked together in comfortable silence to wash dishes, portion food and put it away. Once she'd hung up the last dish towel, Ziva looked around. "What should we do now?"

"Well," Tony though, "it's Saturday, got a preference for games?"

Ziva frowned and glanced at the calendar on his fridge. "Tony, it is Friday."

His eyes widened. "What? Friday? Are you sure?"

She looked at him strangely. "I am sure yesterday was Thursday."

"What time is it?" Tony scrambled to figure out where he put his watch and Ziva reached for her phone.

"1430. Do you have somewhere to be?"

"Marlene, my realtor," he explained before she could ask, "left me a voicemail about rescheduling those viewings I had to cancel on Monday. The first one is at three pm today. Can you come?" Tony asked suddenly.

Ziva tugged at her shirt. "I wore these clothes yesterday." With only one change of wardrobe in her go bag, Ziva had been alternating outfits every other day since Sunday.

"And you look just as wonderful today. Please Zi," he begged, "I don't want to do this alone."

She rolled her eyes at his theatrics. "Yes Tony, I will come."

He grinned. "Great. Now lets go, we're cutting it close to get there on time."

Shaking her head, Ziva grabbed her coat and followed him out the door, wondering if house hunting with Tony would be as much of an experience as shopping with Abby.

**NCIS**

"This first one is lovely Mr. DiNozzo," Marlene began when they met at the front steps. "Three bedrooms, one and a half bath. No basement and not much of a yard, but it's open and roomy inside."

The realtor pointed out features like windows and room size as they wandered through the main floor. Ziva was mostly a silent observer, glancing at the house but watching Tony closely. She could tell after five minutes that her partner was not into this one, but he politely listened while Marlene detailed all the reasons why the house would be a good buy.

Finally she looked to Tony for input and he shook his head apologetically. "I'm sorry Marlene, the house isn't really what I had in mind and I'm actually not terribly fond of the neighbourhood either."

The woman checked her list and smiled. "Not a problem. If we leave now, we'll be just in time for our next appointment."

And so it went on like that. Within two to five minutes, Ziva knew whether or not Tony had even the slightest interest in the house. Marlene however, did not have that sense and would talk about the details to the point where Ziva wondered if she really just loved the sound of her own voice.

For Tony, none of the houses struck a chord. He was looking for something specific, but it was a feeling he was searching for, not a particular look or style he could name. So he settled for different complaints each time - wrong neighbourhood, too small, too old. Ziva just rolled her eyes when he blurted one out, she knew they were just excuses.

They finished with the last house shortly before five pm and Tony shrugged, slipping his hands into his pants pockets. "Thanks for taking the time Marlene, but nothing today really worked for me."

Marlene shook her red curls. "Not a problem. It's rare to find 'the one' on your first try. But at least now you have more of an idea of what's available and we'll hammer out your criteria a little more on the next round." She winked at him. "I always like a challenge."

"Alright." Tony didn't seem sure how to exit the conversation gracefully. "Well, see you later."

"Bye!" the woman returned, hurrying off to her car in high heels and a striped navy skirt.

"She was...informative," Ziva said at last.

Tony rubbed his forehead. "Yeah, but she's right. I think maybe I need to narrow down what I really want so these tours don't seem so pointless."

Ziva patted his arm. "Rome was not built in an afternoon."

"Close enough," he chuckled, slipping his arm around her shoulders when she shivered. "Time for some hot chocolate Zi?"

"Actually," his partner looked apologetic, "could you take me home Tony? It is Friday and I have somewhere to be tonight."

Tony's smile faded a bit. "Oh, right. I almost forgot." He held the car door for her and got in himself. "But we're still on for tomorrow, right?"

Ziva stared out the window. "I have missed much this week because of the case. I need some time to catch my wind."

Correcting her didn't seem important this time. "Yeah, of course," Tony said, trying to act like it wasn't a big deal. But his disappointment was hard to hide.

"Perhaps I will be free for dinner though," she suggested, and his smile returned.

"You don't say? That sounds good to me. We could do a casserole."

It was fun when they got to cook together, Ziva enjoyed showing Tony something new - he was so eager to learn anything she wanted to teach. "Okay," she agreed.

They lapsed into silence and arrived at her building far too soon. "Tomorrow then," Tony confirmed when she got out.

"Laila tov," came her quiet reply.

"Buena notte," Tony said to the closed door, drawn back to the memory of their talk in the rain outside her hotel almost six years ago. He should've seen it coming then, that the exotic, wild, mysterious Ziva David would latch onto his heart and never let go. Tony wondered if she knew how much of a hold she had.

**NCIS**

Ziva seemed distracted at Ops that night, not putting her usual focus or effort into her workout even though she'd missed two days already and should've been anxious to get going. When one of his jabs caught her shoulder because she didn't move fast enough, Ziva seemed to snap out of her fog.

"What was that?" she demanded.

Duke crossed his arms. "I could ask you the same question David. What's up with you tonight? Normally you're a step ahead of me, not two behind."

Ziva looked away. "I have a lot on my mind."

"I noticed," he said dryly. "But you gotta find the right headspace to be here Ziva. Being slow, not paying attention - that gets people like us killed."

She barely moved and in one quick motion had him on his knees with his left arm twisted behind his back. "You were saying?"

Duke chuckled. "I never said you didn't have skills David. Now let me up. I can't get out of this without flipping you over my shoulder and I'm not fighting a pregnant chick."

She released her hold and took a step back. "Just wait until I can really fight again."

Duke shook his finger at her. "Don't get any ideas Soldier, you will not be cleared until at least six weeks after birth, and then it will be for gentle exercise, not combat training."

"Who made you the expert?" Ziva frowned, not liking the sound of more restrictions.

Her trainer took his stance again, slipping pads on his hands. "Let's work on some of those kicks and punches Ziva, you've been slacking off tonight."

The insinuation flared a spark of anger in Ziva and for the rest of the session, she gave Duke a run for his money. "And I will be back for more tomorrow," she said saucily as she walked out to shower and change.

Duke rolled his eyes. "Attitude huh?" Ziva winked and he smiled. "Don't ever lose that."

He'd seen her change so much since the first night she came to him, timid and uncertain. Seeing the progress Ziva had made, watching her return to more of what he assumed she'd been like before - Duke was very proud of her. But he had a feeling there were even more changes to come.


	23. Chapter 23

Late Saturday morning Abby awoke to find that she'd slept part of the day away. Sunshine streamed through the windows and warmed her face, leaving her wondering what could be done outside today. Stretching luxuriously, Abby froze, realizing that for the first time in almost two weeks, she felt like herself again.

Moving cautiously, Abby tested her body. No exhaustion, no nausea and she was actually hungry. The thought of breakfast brought a smile to her face and Abby got up, slid her feet into slippers, grabbed her fuzzy bat robe, and went downstairs in search of her husband.

Standing at the top of the stairs to their basement, Abby leaned against the wall and watched McGee type furiously on his typewriter. It had taken some time after their talk a couple weeks ago, but his writer's block had finally been broken and Tim had spent every spare moment he could putting his ideas down on paper. Last time she checked, he'd been at Chapter Four and still going strong.

Moving quietly, Abby walked up behind her husband and slid her arms around his neck. "Morning Timmy," she whispered in his ear.

Tim's concentration dissolved instantly and he turned slightly. "You're about five minutes late for morning Abbs, it's afternoon now."

She rested her cheek against his. "How's the book coming?"

Tim reached for a piece of paper and held it up so she could see. "I named it today."

Abby squinted at the small words. "_Abandoned_. Starting something new?" It didn't really fit into any of his previous title trends.

"Just taking your advice," McGee smiled. "I'm making this one unique, because Somalia changed all of us." He picked up the next page. "Read the dedication."

"To Amy, who inspires me always," she read slowly. "Very sweet Timmy." Abby tilted her head. "Do I really inspire you?"

Tim spun his chair around and pulled her into his lap. "Every day Abbs."

She nestled her head between his neck and shoulder. "I never knew it would be like this," Abby confided.

"What?" McGee asked, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand.

"Being married. I was always so busy being afraid of the commitment, or worried that someone would try to change me, or thinking that I didn't want to settle down. I never gave myself a chance to see all the good stuff."

"Oh yeah?" Tim held her tighter. "What's the good stuff?"

"Are you fishing Timmy?" she teased.

He threatened to tickle her. "Will you take the bait?"

Abby kissed his jaw. "Being loved. Knowing this is forever." She pulled the chain from her pyjama top and twirled her rings around. "Being with someone who loves me all the time, quirks and all. Experiencing what it's like to truly give all of myself to you and not just my body." Abby's fingers played over his neck. "Just us together like this is the best of everything."

Tim took a deep breath, drawing in the scent of his wife. Nothing had ever been better than this moment. Then, before he could even respond, Abby extricated herself from his arms and spun towards the stairs. Glancing over her shoulder, she sent him a flirty smile.

"McGee, my lips are lonely."

Tim was out of his chair in a flash and captured her back in his arms. Abby giggled, then tripped when she tried to move, sending them both tumbling onto the stairs. Laughter consumed them for several seconds until Abby squirmed into a slightly more comfortable position under her husband.

"I'm waiting Timmy."

He played with a lock of curly hair. "I take it you're feeling better?"

"Right as rain, or...snow," she amended, glancing out the patio doors. "Let's go ice skating today Timmy."

McGee raised an eyebrow. "Ice skating? Outside in the cold? So you can get sick and feel miserable again?"

Abby rolled her eyes. "I'll bundle up," she bargained.

He still looked far too serious for her liking. "I really wish you'd gone to see Ducky honey. We still don't know what made you sick in the first place. The after affects of overdosing on caffeine wouldn't last this long."

Her eyes lit up. "So I can have Caf-Pow again?" Part of her symptoms over the last couple weeks she'd blamed on withdrawl.

"Abby..." Tim warned.

"Only a small one," she measured the size with her fingers. "Then I'll have lots of energy for skating."

McGee shook his head. "I'm gonna lose this round, huh?"

She smirked. "Shut up and kiss me McGee, then we both win."

With permission to finally indulge in the pleasure of her lips again after so long, Tim closed the small distance separating them and pressed his lips to hers. It felt so good to be able to touch her again, to taste her mouth on his, to have Abby respond with equal need. In the end the only reason they broke apart was to breathe, and her eyes were twinkling.

"I'm thinking of a great way to get warmed up after being outside," she suggested in a tone he knew well.

Tim's excitement was hard to contain. "Well what are we waiting for? Where are our skates?"

Abby shook her head. "Breakfast first. Feed me," she continued when he sighed, "and I'll make sure you're not disappointed.

McGee helped her up. "Lady, you have a deal."

**NCIS**

Ziva opened the door Sunday morning and frowned at her partner. He looked exhausted, like he hadn't slept at all. His face was pale and a sheen of sweat had appeared just from the effort of getting out of his car and upstairs. "Tony, are you sick?"

He shook his head, clearing his throat as he stifled a cough. "What? No, I'm fine. Let's go."

She was not that easily fooled. "You look terrible. Maybe you should not come today."

Tony's glare stopped her attempt to talk him out of it. "Not breaking tradition because I'm a little tired."

Ziva rolled her eyes at the understatement. Stubbornness and logic did not go hand in hand. "I can go swimming instead," she offered. "That way you are at least sitting."

"It's one of the nice days Zi, you may as well take advantage of it," Tony insisted.

Reluctantly, Ziva put on her coat and followed him to the elevator. They took their usual route around the neighbourhood, though at a fraction of their normal pace. Ziva slowed her steps to match his, not breaking the quiet that seemed to come from inside him today.

Halfway through their walk, Tony took a deep breath but the cold air caught in his throat. His lungs contracted and for a second he panicked because he couldn't breathe. A harsh cough rattled his chest and Tony stopped, bending over as he tried to get his breath. But he couldn't and started to cough. This time he couldn't stop.

Ziva put her hand on his shoulder as he coughed and hacked and choked, gasping for air between the spasms. She kicked herself for not bringing a bottle of water. "Take slow breaths Tony," she coached, trying not to show her deep concern, and losing the battle when his lips began to tinge blue. She rubbed slow circles on his back and crooned a stream of words softly in Hebrew.

Tony concentrated on her voice and let Ziva's presence calm him. At last he was able to draw a small breath without coughing, then another. His throat felt scratchy and raw and a headache throbbed behind his eyes, but at least he could breathe. The relief of that action was immense. He did not want to go back to the hospital under those cold blue lights, while he slowly drowned inside his own body.

Ziva slipped her arm around his waist. "Cone on Tony, we will go back." She wanted to call Gibbs and Ducky asap, but was sure Tony wouldn't go for it.

"No, no," he leaned on her a little despite his protests, "don't stop because of me. We still need to go out for breakfast."

Her eyebrows jumped up. "You are in no condition to be in a restaurant."

"I'm not contagious or anything Zi, it's probably just a cold. And I think a milkshake would feel really good on my throat. Please?" He put on his best pleading look and Ziva gave in because she didn't have a choice.

Gradually the couple made their way to the diner. Helen met them at the door and eyed Tony. "You look like you could use some porridge dearie," she informed him seriously. "Now sit down before you fall down."

Finding their regular booth, Ziva waited until Tony was seated before removing her coat and scarf. Helen came back with the menus and seemed to notice Ziva's condition for the first time. Her smile broadened. "Well now, I see congratulations are in order you two." She looked Ziva up and down. "How far along are you?"

Ziva smoothed a hand over her bump. "Almost twenty-three weeks," she answered finally, looking very uncomfortable. She glanced at her partner. "But..."

"I'll have a strawberry milkshake please Helen," Tony interrupted her explanation. There was no easy way to tell that story and personally, he could deal with the mistaken assumption. Ziva gave him a rather unimpressed look, but sat down and opened her menu.

As much as Tony had pressed to go out, he mostly played with his porridge, only taking a bite when Helen was looking. The cold of the ice cream shake numbed the pain in his throat, but Tony was suddenly so tired and the fog in his head kept getting worse.

Ziva finally had enough of watching him suffer and stood to leave, so Helen moved in to clear their table. She asked for the bill and the waitress shook her head. "He hardly ate anything and neither did you. Take him home and put him to bed love, he needs to rest."

It was useless to tell Helen that they weren't together and Ziva was tired of people's judgements and opinions, so she did nothing. Their walk back to her place was taken at a snail's pace, and by the time they make it upstairs, Tony was shaking. Anxiety filled Ziva as she brushed her hand over her partner's forehead. The heat of his skin and the glazed, faraway look in his eyes confirmed that he was running a fever.

"Should...get home," Tony mumbled as Ziva steered him towards the couch.

She said nothing, knowing he was in no condition to drive and with close to six months of baby beginning to be obvious, Ziva couldn't get him back to his apartment. Plus, he probably should not be alone, not like this.

Once Tony was laying down, Ziva grabbed the extra pillow and blanket from atop the wardrobe in her room to help make him more comfortable. Then she searched her medicine cabinet for cough syrup and fever medication. Abby had stocked the place well and both bottles went on the coffee table beside the couch with a spoon, as well as a glass of water and straw.

That done, Ziva looked around and tried to decide what was next. Chicken soup, she thought, was supposed to help sick people. So she removed the ingredients from her cupboards and fridge and got started. An hour later the homemade soup was cooling in a pot on the stove and Ziva sat at the table, enjoying a bowl with a piece of toast as she tried to read the newspaper in front of her. But her eyes were constantly drawn back to the couch where her partner endured a fitful sleep.

Remembering how sore his throat was, Ziva boiled water and prepared a cup of honey and lemon tea. Once it was a drinkable temperature, she sat beside Tony and shook his shoulder gently. "Tony, Tony," she called, needing him semi-conscious for a moment.

"Mmm," he groaned, not opening his eyes.

"I need you to try and drink some of this." Ziva lifted his head and pressed the mug to his lips.

Tony flung his head to the side and frowned. "Don't feel like coffee, Boss."

She tried again, but he pushed her away and almost spilled the tea. So Ziva let it go for now and set the cup down. What he said about 'Boss' hit her and Ziva realized she needed to let Gibbs know what was going on. Tony clearly wasn't well enough to go to work the next day.

Grabbing the cordless phone, Ziva slipped into her bedroom to avoid disturbing Tony's rest. It rang four times before Gibbs finally picked up. "Yeah?"

"It is Ziva," she said softly.

Gibbs frowned. "Ziva? What's wrong?"

She sighed. "Tony is sick."

Concern for the two of them warred within him. Because of Tony's bout with the plague, it could be dangerous for him to get sick and a relapse was always possible, even five years later. He was most susceptible to pneumonia, but anything that messed with his lungs worried Gibbs.

"How bad?" he asked.

Ziva rubbed her forehead. "Earlier he was coughing so badly that his lips turned blue. At the restaurant he had a headache and now he's sleeping on my couch with a fever. I do not think I should leave him alone if he is still this bad tomorrow."

"I'll come get him Ziva, you really shouldn't be exposed."

She shrugged. "I am already exposed, I have been with him for several hours. And you would have to carry him, he is in no shape to be moving."

"It's no trouble," Gibbs promised.

"I think he should stay here. You are needed at work and I am his partner," she stressed the word. "I just wanted to let you know that we will not be in."

Gibbs didn't like leaving her alone with a sick man. "Want me to come over?"

Ziva shook her head. "I am fine Gibbs. I think I can handle Tony by myself, especially if he is sleeping most of the time."

"Fine," he conceded, though he wasn't happy about it. "Be careful Ziva."

"I will."

The conversation ended without goodbyes and on her way past the bookcase outside her room, Ziva snagged a new book that had also come from the team Christmas at Ducky's. She curled up in the corner chair where she could keep an eye on the patient, and slowly let herself be absorbed by the action filled suspense story set in the Middle East. It kept her attention for hours, and even though Tony rarely stirred, only getting up once to use the bathroom - she had to help him get there but waited outside the door for him to finish - she still glanced up often to check on him.

Before she headed to bed later that night, Ziva coaxed a spoonful each of cough and fever medicine into her partner and got him to drink a little of the water. She rested her hand on his forehead to check his fever and pulled the blanket up to his neck when she noticed that he was shaking again. She didn't like leaving him, but there was no way she could sleep on the floor while pregnant, sleep was hard enough in her nice comfortable bed. So she left the door open, just in case Tony needed her, hoping she would hear. Ziva finally understood why he hadn't wanted to stay sleeping on the couch when she was at his apartment. Sometimes even being down the hall was just too far away.

**NCIS**

It was a restless night for the Israeli, who couldn't relax fully knowing that Tony was so sick. She got up twice during the night to check on him - once for a coughing fit that sounded so bad her own chest hurt, and once to get a cold cloth for his forehead. His fever had risen and she didn't like the lack of response she was getting from him. Any worse and she'd be calling Ducky to make a house call. She didn't want to see Tony ending up in the hospital.

Monday Tony barely stirred from his place on the couch, though she roused him enough to use the bathroom a couple of times, but because he was hardly drinking any liquids, it wasn't much of an issue. Ziva forced the medicine into him every four hours as instructed by the labels, but she couldn't get him to take more than a couple spoonfuls of broth and a swallow of water here and there.

She kept cold cloths on his forehead all day, changing them frequently, and even draped a cold pack from her freezer around his neck. Eventually Tony's temperature began to fall, but according to the thermometer it was still nearly one hundred and three. His occasional coughing fits were painful to listen to and sometimes Ziva had to help him sit up just so he could breathe. In a way she was glad she had not been around when Tony got the plague, Ziva did not think she could bear to see him like that and be helpless to offer any relief.

It wasn't until the phone rang shortly after five that she was jarred out of her new routine. Pushing her hair out of her face, Ziva answered the call. "Hello?"

"Ms. David? This is Katie calling from Dr. Meyers' office. Were you aware that you had an appointment with her fifteen minutes ago?"

Ziva's eyes flew to the clock. "Oh, I am so sorry, I forgot."

"Not a problem. Did you want to reschedule for later this week?"

"Umm...yes," Ziva replied slowly. "Is Mandy available? I would like to explain."

"Of course. I'll put you through," the young woman said. A moment later Mandy came on the line.

"Ziva, is everything okay?"

She sighed. "I am sorry to miss the appointment Mandy. Tony has been very sick the last couple of days and I completely forgot."

"That's fine, don't worry about it. What's wrong with him?"

"Coughing, fever, headache, exhaustion," Ziva listed the symptoms.

Mandy flipped through her address book. "I have a friend who occasionally makes house calls. Do you want me to send him over?"'

"No, thank you," Ziva shook her head. "There is a man from work I can call who is familiar with Tony's medical history. I will let him know if things get worse."

"Okay. Well, take care of yourself Ziva. Remember that the baby is feeding off your immune system too."

"I am rarely sick," the agent answered quickly. "Do you have any more appointments this week?"

"How about Wednesday?" Mandy asked. "You could come as soon as you get off."

Mentally going over her schedule, Ziva decided that would work. "Alright. I will see you then."

Once she was done with the doctor, Ziva ran the cloth from Tony's forehead under cold water again before she made another call.

"Ops."

"Duke, it is Ziva," she began. "I will not be in tonight."

"You better have a good excuse David," he said gruffly, though she knew he was only teasing, "you're getting behind."

"A friend of mine is sick and I am caring for him," she explained, forgetting Duke didn't know about Tony.

"Your friend is a he?" Duke asked, curiosity getting the best of him. "He's staying at your place."

Ziva frowned at the phone. "On the couch. And yes, he is my partner from work."

"Okay, well, I guess I can't argue with that. I know the value of partners. But as soon as you're able, you better get your butt back in here David, you're still in training for at least another month."

She rolled her eyes. "I know. Goodnight."

"See ya Ziva."

That taken care of, Ziva checked on Tony once more and went into the kitchen to make herself something to eat. She'd forgotten supper last night because she was taking her nursing duties so seriously, but if she wanted to stay well enough to take care of her partner, then she had to take care of herself first.


	24. Chapter 24

The ringing of the phone startled Ziva out of an unexpected nap around two o'clock on Tuesday afternoon. She'd been up with Tony several times the night before and had fallen asleep in the chair before she could even open her book. With a groan, she reached for the offending item, not able to remember another time she had answered it so many times.

"Hello."

"Ziva? It's Abby. How are you? How's Tony? Are you guys okay? Did you want us to come? Because McGee and I, we'd be over there in a flash, or as soon as Gibbs let's us leave. Do you need anything? How's Tony? Oh, wait, I already asked that. You're not sick too, are you? Ziva?"

She shook herself, trying to wake-up enough to follow Abby's train of thought, although that was difficult under normal circumstances. Finally Ziva gave up. "That was too many questions Abby. Can you try one at a time?"

"Oh, sorry," the Goth tried to slow her racing thoughts. "Umm...how's Tony?"

Ziva turned her gaze towards the couch. "He is sleeping right now. His fever is still high, but not as bad as yesterday."

"How are you?" Abby moved right onto the next question.

Resting her head back against the cushion, Ziva was very honest. "I am tired. I am worried for Tony. I do not like to see him sick."

"I know how that is," Tim put in, finally having the chance to say something, "Abby only just started feeling better this weekend."

"I am glad," Ziva told her friend sincerely, "are you back to yourself now?"

"Caf-Pow, pigtails and all," Abby declared jubilantly.

"Did you want us to come over after work Ziva?" It was Tim again, trying to keep the conversation focused. "We don't mind sitting with Tony so you can have a break."

"Thank you McGee," Ziva appreciated the offer, "but I do not want anyone else to get sick. I am fine, but he did not have a good night and I should probably take a nap."

"Don't push yourself Ziva,"Abby warned, "you need to stay healthy for the baby."

"I know." Ziva's voice was faint and she could barely keep her eyes open. "Thank you for calling."

Taking the hint, the couple said their goodbyes. With a last look at Tony and an automatic hand on his forehead to check his temperature, Ziva dragged herself to bed and sank gratefully into the soft mattress. Even if it cost most of her energy, Ziva was glad that Tony was with her instead of somewhere else. They were partners, this was just part of the job.

**NCIS**

It was six in the evening before Ziva realized she'd missed her therapy appointment. "Bechyatdinnak!" she exclaimed in Hebrew, seriously annoyed with her memory the past couple days. And now it was too late to call and explain, because Devon would have long since left for the night, so she would have to reschedule tomorrow.

Wrinkling her nose in frustration at herself, Ziva shook her head and got up to check on Tony. He had grown restless in the last little while, tossing and turning and mumbling words she couldn't always catch. She thought she heard him berating Kate for something, whining when Gibbs headslapped him, trying to argue with Abby and what sounded like an apology to her.

When he got even more distressed, Ziva went over and laid her hand on his cheek. The coolness of her palm on his hot face troubled her, but it seemed to soothe Tony and she sat with him for a long time before rising to change the cloth for a cold one and check on supper.

Later, she passed the time by playing Solitaire, and relaxed while a movie played quietly on her laptop. The last seventy-two hours had been a bit of a blur, but a routine had slowly emerged in which she read, cooked, cleaned and tried her best to care for Tony.

At three am Ziva got up to use the bathroom and stopped to check on her partner. To her great relief, his skin was cool and dry to the touch, not raging hot or cold and clammy as it had been on and off for the last two days. His fever had finally broken, which meant he could start recovering. She lifted the water glass and inserted the straw into his mouth, as a reflex, Tony sucked down the lukewarm liquid, but otherwise didn't stir.

Finally, for the first time in what seemed like a long time, Ziva was able to fully relax and fall into a deep sleep, knowing that Tony was getting better. She was still tired when the alarm rang at 0630, but she could not afford to miss any more time at work and so reluctantly, Ziva left a note for her patient and drove herself into the office. She needed to be there, but at the moment it wasn't where she wanted to be.

**NCIS**

When Ziva showed up at 0730, Gibbs looked at her in concern. "How's Tony?"

She smiled in relief. "His fever broke early this morning, I think he will start getting better now."

He touched her shoulder, examining her face and eyes. "How are you?"

"I was uncertain about leaving him again, but Tony will probably sleep all day and I cannot miss so much work."

"Feeling okay?" Gibbs pressed. She hadn't answered the question as he'd meant it.

Ziva nodded. "A little tired, but I am fine."

Tim walked into the room just then. "Boss, Abby found-" he stopped in surprise. "Ziva, you're back! How's Tony?"

Feeling sure she would answer that question a dozen times today, Ziva leaned against her desk. "His fever broke this morning, he will probably just sleep today."

His shoulders relaxed. "Good. Abby will be glad to hear that. She worries."

"Abby found what McGee?" Gibbs snapped, impatient as always.

Tim turned back to his boss. "Oh, right. She found a fiber, thinks it might be important. She wanted you to go see her."

Gibbs threw his empty coffee cup out and headed to the back elevator, pointing at Ziva. "Fill her in!"

The rest of the morning passed quickly as Ziva worked to get caught up on the case and find out where she could contribute. One of her errands sent her down to the lab, where she was immediately crushed in an Abby hug that left no doubt about how glad she was to see her friend. When the Goth let go, Ziva eyed her suspiciously.

"What was that for?"

Abby's expression was indignant. "It's been almost six days. I missed you."

Ziva smiled. "Of course. What do you have?"

The forensic scientist's nose wrinkled. "Very boring fingerprints - nothing that shouldn't be there. Hair from the guy's dog, lots of dead skin cells." She shrugged. "Basically, I've got nothing."

"I would not be telling Gibbs that," Ziva warned, "he is very growly today."

Abby giggled. "I think you mean grouchy. But I guess he does growl sometimes." The phone rang and Abby snatched it up. "Congratulations! You're caller number five and you win-" The person on the other end cut her off and she frowned. "Calm down Duckman, Ziva's here, I'll send her over."

"What?" the Israeli asked.

Abby shrugged. "Crisis in Autopsy, I guess. Ducky sounded pretty excited, you better get over there."

"Alright, thank you Abby." As she left the lab, Abby called after her.

"Hey Ziva, love your shirt." The Goth winked and Ziva smiled. It was her favourite of the new ones.

"Ah Ziva, glad you could come," Ducky greeted her some moments later. "I'm afraid we have a sinister twist in our story."

Ziva glanced past him to the body on the table. "What kind of twist Ducky?"

While the medical examiner detailed his latest findings, Ziva listened intently and then left to find Gibbs. On her way out she almost ran into Jimmy. "Oh, Ziva," he grinned, "good to have you back. Abby said Tony's sick, how's he doing?"

"Yes my dear," Ducky added, "I nearly forgot about poor Anthony. How is the lad?"

Ziva fingered her ponytail, feeling anxious every time someone asked about her partner. "I hope he is sleeping. His fever broke early this morning, but it was very high for more than two days."

"Would you like me to come by later?" the doctor asked.

"Thank you Ducky, I will call if he is worse, but Tony should start getting better now."

He heard the hope in her voice but chose not to comment. "Very good. Mr. Palmer," Ducky handed over a glass evidence jar, "to Abby, if you please."

"Right away Doctor." Jimmy waved goodbye to Ziva and hurried off.

Ziva smiled, glad that everything at work was still familiar, still the same as it had always been. Consistency was not something she took for granted any more.

**NCIS**

It was early afternoon before Ziva got a chance to gather her thoughts, then she had a phone call to make.

"Dr. Andrews," the crisp voice answered.

"Hello Devon, this is Ziva."

"Ziva." There was relief in the doctor's voice. "I was worried when you didn't show yesterday. Big case?"

Ziva rubbed her forehead. "I was not here. Tony has been ill since Sunday and I was taking care of him."

Thoughtful silence filled the line for a few beats. "Are you okay?" she asked finally.

Not the question Ziva had expected. "I did not get sick."

"I meant emotionally Ziva," Devon clarified. "That's a lot of togetherness and you were still quite confused last time we talked."

She sighed. "Tony is my friend Devon, my partner. He has slept almost the entire time."

Dr. Andrews raised an eyebrow. "Nice evasion, but we'll get back to that. So, when can you reschedule for?"

Ziva rolled her eyes. Everyone in her life worried far too much. She was not going to fall to pieces for any reason. But knowing it would be unwise to miss two weeks in a row, she gave in. "Tomorrow? I can probably get away for an hour."

"I'll take it," Devon confirmed. "1100 as usual. Thanks for calling Ziva."

"Goodbye."

Ziva hung up the phone and Gibbs walked around the corner, dropping a file on her desk. "Suspect in Interrogation 1, you're up."

Glad she could still be a useful member of the team, Ziva hurried off, noticing Matt following her. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Gibbs' expression. Apparently the probie was working off his earlier lack of foresight by being assigned her watchdog. But after seeing the look on Tony's face when things went south last week, Ziva understood why her boss wasn't taking the situation lightly. She would not fight the shadow, even if she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself.

**NCIS**

An hour later she was tapping a pen against her report, staring at the phone and talking herself into and out of calling Tony. Ziva didn't like the thought of leaving him alone all day, but neither did she want to call and risk waking him up. The quandary between wanting to hear his voice and make sure he was okay, and wanting him to get the rest he needed was keeping her distracted. She jumped when a shadow fell across her desk.

"Matt!"

"He's going to be fine, you know."

Ziva made believe she didn't know what he was talking about. "Who?" she asked innocently. There was no way her concern should be that obvious. When did she lose her ability to wear the impassive mask that had served her well for her entire life?

The junior agent gave her a knowing look. "Tony. He's the reason you can't concentrate." She opened her mouth to protest and Matt shook his head. "Don't lie Ziva, I've seen the way you two look at each other."

Her eyes narrowed. "Without being rude, that is not your business."

Matt slid his hands into his pockets. "Fair enough. But I know a thing or two about guys, I have brothers. When we're sick, sleeping is the only priority. He probably won't even be hungry yet. However, I do think Tony will be quite happy to see you walk in the door." He meant to be reassuring, but Ziva wasn't in the mood.

Her smile was tight. "Thank you Matt."

Matt chuckled at her obvious brush-off. "He'll be fine Ziva. The guy thinks he's Superman."

**NCIS**

Two hours later the case was closed. Gibbs walked into the bullpen and glanced at all of them. "Get out of here before I find more work for you to do!"

Ziva moved faster than the rest and left with only a wave, not responding the goodbyes that followed her. Twenty minutes later she was at the doctor's office, relieved to find out that Mandy could fit her in right away. The doctor smiled when she entered the exam room.

"Hi Ziva." She glanced at the chairs. "Your friend still sick?"

Ziva straightened her shoulders. "He is getting better."

Mandy checked her chart. "It's too bad he's going to miss this one. Today is your next ultrasound. He seemed to really enjoy the first one."

Her brow furrowed. "Why now?"

"We'll do some measurements and take a look to make sure everything is going well so far." She cocked her head to the side, trying to read the other woman. "Are you nervous?"

Ziva folded her hands in front of her belly. "I do not want anything to be wrong."

"Let's take a look and ease your fears then," Mandy suggested. "But I've learned it's almost impossible to get expectant moms not to worry."

Pulling down the stretchy material at the top of her jeans that fit over her bump, Ziva lay down on the table and kept her eyes trained on the ultrasound screen. Dr. Meyers squeezed the cool gel on her skin and Ziva squirmed a bit at the strange sensation.

The screen lit up and Mandy turned the volume up so the baby's heartbeat could be heard faintly. Smiling, she pointed out the head, spine, arms and legs again, avoiding gender per Ziva's request. She chucked. "This little one must be tired, see how he's rubbing his eye? Aww...now he's sucking his thumb. Or her thumb," Mandy amended, "since you don't want to know for sure."

Ziva ignored the doctor's words and focused on the movements of her baby as Dr. Meyers took measurements and checked whatever she needed to know. Finally she printed her patient a picture of the baby's head and torso, now that he or she filled too much of the screen to fit all on one print-out. Mandy gave it to Ziva to hold and prepared to deliver her news.

Ziva traced her baby's face, smiling faintly until she looked up and saw something strange on her doctor's face. "What?"

"Breathe Ziva, it's nothing too serious yet," the doctor began, "but I do want to warn you. The baby is underweight right now, still a little small for twenty-three weeks. I know it's not something you can help, because your body is still recovering too. And she might surprise us all and catch up just fine by forty weeks. But if she doesn't, it might mean that you won't be able to carry her all the way to term. You also have a lot of...shall we say trauma, to your uterus as a result of what happened when you were held in the camp. It's enough to concern me."

Fear leapt into Ziva's gaze and Mandy hastened to reassure her. "Don't worry." Ziva's features hardened in an instant. That was like telling a drowning person not to gasp for breath because they would swallow water. "The NICU at Bethesda is excellent. If you have the baby early, whether it's four weeks or twelve, he or she will have the best odds we can give."

Ziva's eyes strayed to the empty chair and for a moment she desperately wished Tony was there. The desire contrasted completely with her last solo visit, when she'd been glad to come alone, needing the space. Now she needed the support of her best friend, needed him to hold her hand and tell her everything would be okay.

She sat up tall and lifted her chin. "Will I know? If she is coming early?"

"I'll keep a close eye on things," Dr. Meyers promised. "At thirty weeks, or perhaps before in your case, appointments will move to once a week so we can monitor any changes. There are signs to look for in your body and if you like, we'll go over that next time. But try not to focus on the worst possibility too much, okay? For now you're both relatively healthy and doing fine." She raised an eyebrow. "Can I do anything?"

The Israeli shook her head. "I need to go home."

"Alright. I'll see you in two weeks. Take care Ziva."

Nodding vaguely, Ziva fixed her clothes and walked out. She drove back to her building slowly, thoughts from what the doctor had said filling her head, leaving room for little else. What she hoped right now was that Tony would be awake when she got upstairs. Tonight she needed a friend.


	25. Chapter 25

_A/N: Sorry for the delay guys. I've been pretty sick this week, just found out yesterday that I have pneumonia. The cough is annoying but I've got antibiotics and will hopefully be feeling better by Monday. Anyhow, because I missed posting yesterday, I'm going to update Saturday as well, okay? Thanks :) ~ Aliyah_

Ziva turned her key in the lock slowly, trying not to make any noise. But as soon as she pushed the door open, Tony's voice floated through.

"Zi?" he murmured, sounding somewhere between awake and asleep, "Where...been?" She frowned and Tony answered the question before she asked. "Abby called...told me...left. Tried...waiting for you. S'ry...tired." She went to him and laid her hand on his forehead. It was normal. "Nice," Tony whispered and Ziva smiled.

"Go to sleep Tony, I will wake you when supper is ready."

"Water?" he asked and she held the straw to his lips. He sighed in gratitude. "Th'ks."

His breathing evened out and within minutes Tony was fast asleep again. Ziva couldn't help the ache she felt inside. It was unfair to want him to be coherent just for her, he was sick and needed to regain his strength. But she couldn't stop the disappointment as she made her way into the kitchen. For once it would be nice if life just decided to cooperate.

**NCIS**

An hour later Ziva risked rousing her partner to get him to eat a little of the soup. It turned out that she wasn't hungry for supper, so instead of cooking she puttered around, finding random things to do until enough time had passed that she could warm the soup and wake him up.

Sitting on the coffee table, Ziva tapped Tony's cheek lightly. "Tony." He moved a little but did not wake. "Tony," she said louder, slapping his face gently." The man's eyelids fluttered and a low moan escaped his lips. She turned his face towards her and Tony grimaced. "You need to have something to eat."

"Sleep," he said slowly, like a small boy trying to avoid getting up for school.

"You have been sleeping all day," she reminded him. "Open your mouth."

Even his only partially functioning subconscious must have realized that ninjas were not to be trifled with, because he opened his mouth obediently and Ziva spooned a little of the broth in. He swallowed and open again, reminding her of a baby bird waiting to be fed.

She got about half the soup into him before Tony stopped responding and she had to shake his shoulder. He raised his hand in a futile attempt to brush her off. "Go 'way," he muttered, a hint of grouchiness creeping into his tone. Ziva tried to keep from smirking.

"Anthony," she said sternly, "you have not been to the bathroom in over twelve hours, you must get up."

With her constant promptings keeping him from the deep sleep he was striving for, Tony eventually achieved a semi-coherent state that allowed Ziva to help him to the bathroom. Using what he would call her 'Jedi-mind tricks' on him, she also convinced him to try for a short shower. Not that Ziva would bring it up, it would be in poor taste when he was not himself, but it had been days since his last shower and he did not smell his freshest.

Grumbling but none the less following orders, Tony agreed in grunts rather than the use of actual words. While she left him to his business and kept a sharp ear out for any sounds that might include him falling and hitting his head on the edge of the tub, Ziva changed the soiled bedding on the couch, replacing the used sheets with fresh ones and covering the pillow in an unused case. She swapped out the blankets too, because they smelled of sweat and sickness, and remade her partner's temporary bed.

The effort of simply standing up in the shower, not to mention actually getting clean - which took him twice the time it normally did, mostly because he debated with himself about whether he really wanted to smell like girl soap or not - exhausted Tony completely and he leaned heavily on Ziva to make it back to the couch after changing into the sweats she'd retrieved from the go-bag in his trunk.

With a smile and the briefest touch of her lips on his forehead, Ziva left her patient to sleep and decided to call it an early night herself. The news she'd received from the doctor weighed heavily on her, but with her current companion all but comatose, she had no one to share the burden with. She would have to wait and see what tomorrow brought.

**NCIS**

In the middle of the night, Tony yelled her name. "Ziva!"

Moving as quickly as she could, nearly six months of pregnancy not yet affecting her reflexes, Ziva hurried into her small livingroom and knelt beside the couch. Caressing his face gently, she whispered to him. "What is it Tony? I am here."

"Ziva, no!" Tony thrashed in his sleep and she sighed, recognizing a nightmare when she saw one. Soothingly she rubbed her hand in slow circles on his chest, feeling his body gradually relax under her touch. Ziva crooned a song in Hebrew and slipped her hand over his, uncurling his clenched fingers.

"It is alright Tony," she said softly, willing him to wake up.

Finally he did, his eyes widening in distress until they fell on her face. "Ziva?" he croaked, trying to clear his throat.

She reached for the water glass and held the straw to his lips. Tony sucked and swallowed greedily before closing his eyes and laying back down on the pillow. "You okay?"

Ziva smiled. "I should be asking you that, you have been out of it for almost three days."

Tony looked at her with concern and tried to sit up, but he was pretty weak. "I shouldn't be here. You...the baby...don't want to get you sick."

Ziva rested her hand against her growing belly, feeling the baby move, no doubt awakened when she got out of bed so abruptly. "We are fine Tony," she assured him. "What were you dreaming?"

Her knees were starting to ache so she sat on the edge of the couch and Tony turned on his side to make room for her. Reaching out his hand, he hesitated, so Ziva placed his palm on her bump. She could see that he wanted to know for himself that everything was okay with the baby. When a kick met his touch, Tony sighed and relaxed, a small smile gracing his lips.

"Good. Wouldn't want anything to happen to you now after all that you've survived Chipmunk."

That Tony would talk to her baby, pick a nickname for him or her, and act like he was responsible for the child's welfare still threw Ziva into a tumbling confusion of emotions. But instead of saying anything, because he could not be dissuaded from caring, she left her hand on his chest and returned to her previous question that he hadn't answered yet.

"What was the dream about?" He always wanted her to talk about them, so maybe it would help him to do the same.

It didn't work. Tony glared at her. "Why'd it take you so long to get home today?"

Ziva raised an eyebrow. "You remember that?"

He frowned. "Yeah, why?"

She shook her head. "You could barely talk, I thought maybe you were already asleep."

Tony shrugged. "The phone rang. Abby called, she was checking make sure you got back okay, but you weren't here. That and I think she wanted to hear my voice to make sure I wasn't dead." He chuckled and then had to stifle a cough. "I wanted to stay awake until you got in, but I couldn't keep my eyes open." He stared at her. "So?"

Ziva sighed. "I had a doctor's appointment."

His eyes widened. "You didn't tell me!"

She gave him a long suffering look. "Tony, you could not even make it to the bathroom on your own. I doubt you remember eating or showering. You would not have made it to the doctor's office."

"Maybe not," he groused, "but you could at least have told me." Something in her eyes, underneath the excuses, pulled him back to the topic. "Everything okay?" Ziva bit her lip and looked away but Tony took her hands, forcing her to focus on him. "Come one Ninja, you don't do secrets well anymore. Spill," he commanded.

"Mandy said..." she faltered, then grasped his hands for courage. "Mandy said the baby is too small."

Tony was instantly on alert. "Too small for what?" The last thing she needed was a serious complication in her pregnancy.

"Too small for twenty-three weeks. She...or he is not growing fast enough. I may..." Ziva shrugged. "I may not make it all the way to the end."

"She thinks the baby will be premature?" His heart felt like someone squeezed it in a vice and Tony wasn't sure if he was breathing while he waited for her answer.

Ziva was quiet, staring across the dark room without seeing anything. "It is possible."

He reached up and brushed a finger down one of her curls. "Are you scared?"

For a moment Ziva wrapped her arms around her swollen abdomen as if trying to protect her baby. Then she pulled away again. "I do not want to get attached. If something goes wrong I will just have lost one more thing that mattered."

"Hey." When she didn't respond, he turned her chin to face him. "Nothing is going to happen to the baby Ziva," he said firmly. "Doctors can do all sorts of things these days. Some babies are born at six months and still end up just fine. But I'm sure you can go longer than that." He grinned. "After all, you're pretty much Wonder Woman, Israeli version."

Tony's attempt at humour fell flat, but Ziva's eyes did brighten a little. Then she closed the subject and moved back to him. "Tell me."

He closed his eyes, not ready to remember. "Tell you what?"

Even without looking, he could still feel her staring. "Why you are calling my name in the middle of the night. Why you were acting as if you saw something horrible. Why you needed to touch me just to make sure I am alright."

Tony didn't open his eyes and he sighed, staying silent a long time before he gave in. "The safe house blew up. We didn't know where you were and then you went to the motel without us."

The memory came back to Ziva of the days when she had been set up by a former colleague. She'd only trusted Gibbs to help her, dragging him back from Mexico rather than getting the team into trouble or worse, putting them in danger. She and Gibbs were used to this kind of thing.

"But I was alright," she reminded him, "I did not get hurt."

He frowned at her. "You did get hurt. Broken nose, bruised ribs - she tried to kill you!"

Ziva rolled her eyes. "It is not the first time my nose has been broken and it will not likely be the last either," she informed him very matter-of-factly. "Besides, she would not have succeeded, so you do not need to worry." She grinned. "I have as many lives as a gnat, yes?"

Tony's chuckle was weak. "Cat. But yeah, I guess you do." He sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose, not opening his eyes. "Will you stay?"

Ziva looked down at her baby bump skeptically. "We will not all fit."

Pressing his back into the couch, Tony looked up and motioned for her to lie down. The cushions were wider than most and to Ziva's surprise, there was just enough room for the two, well, three of them. She rested her head on Tony's pillow and felt his arm come around her waist lightly, as if afraid to touch her too much. His head found a place on her shoulder and he sighed, with contentment this time.

"Did I ever tell you how good your hair smells?"

Ziva laughed. "You are still delirious, I think."

Tony tightened his hold on her briefly. "If I am," he said seriously, "then I don't think I want it to end." Her heart sped up and Ziva wished she could get away from how he made her feel. Why did he always make it seem like they had a chance? Her body stiffened and Tony was afraid she would get up and leave. "Please Zi," he whispered, "please stay with me."

It was hard for her to say no on a normal day, near to impossible when he was feeling unwell. Then truth dawned on her as his words made it through her doubts._ Why? Because he loves you, stubbornness, self-esteem issues, pregnant and all. _He'd all but said it in every look and action every day since Somalia. _And I love him_, Ziva realized with a flash of clarity. They'd spent four months getting to know each other again, becoming integral parts of each other's lives. Without even noticing it, Ziva had fallen in love with her best friend.

She'd never tried to love him, in fact, she'd tried desperately to keep herself from going down that road. But it had happened just the same and Tony wasn't going anywhere. Ziva wondered if it was really such a bad thing, to need someone like that. Loving Tony had just happened, as naturally as breathing and walking and holding his hand. What it meant though, was another question entirely.

The realization both terrified and exhilarated her and Ziva let her body relax against Tony's once more._ I love him_, she thought, and instead of wondering what that meant for them, she tugged the blanket over to cover her too and let herself fall asleep with the man who had for so long had her heart. Tomorrow was soon enough to decide what to do now.

**NCIS**

Tony forced himself to stay awake even after the sound of Ziva's breathing indicated that she'd finally drifted off. His hand rested on Ziva's belly and he loved the occasional kicks that met his touch. This was real. Ziva was going to have a baby, a little person that would be part of her, that would change life as they knew it in ways he couldn't even begin to imagine.

He stifled the urge to rub the spot where the baby was being active, thinking it couldn't be very comfortable for Ziva. But she didn't stir so maybe she'd gotten used to someone doing acrobatics inside of her. It must be the weirdest feeling ever. Try as he might, Tony had no idea how to picture what that sensation would be like.

_I wish I could tell you I love you_, he thought, knowing the baby probably wasn't telepathic but willing to give it a shot anyways. _Because it's true. I've loved your mom for...months really. It took me awhile to get used to you, but now I can feel when you move and I know it's real and it's pretty much the coolest thing I've ever experienced._

Tony's fingers swept lightly over Ziva's left hand. What he wouldn't give... But there was no rushing this. There was not even a question in his mind that he was going to marry this woman, be a father to her baby and love them both for the rest of his life. Now it was just all about the timing, about not scaring her off by getting too serious too fast, about going through the hard part of waiting until they reached that right moment when he could finally ask her.

_Someday Chipmunk, _Tony mused_, I hope your mom gives me permission to call you ours. But for now, let's just keep that between you and me. She's kinda stubborn and she doesn't like letting people too close. I've blow all those barriers out of the water in the last few months, now I just have to wait for the day when she will let me into her heart._

With a sigh, the tired man finally let his eyes fall shut. Right now it didn't matter how long it took for Ziva to be sure or how many more months he had to wait. At this moment he held in his arms everything he desired. All it would take to make this permanent was for her to say one word. The night while Tony slept, he dreamt of the day when Ziva said yes.


	26. Chapter 26

"How is Tony?" Devon asked once Ziva was settled in her usual spot.

The Israeli frowned, not liking the direction the conversation was going, and this was only the first question. "He is better. Still very worn down from the fever and symptoms, but I hope the sleep will help."

"I'm sure it will," the doctor agreed, smiling warmly. "And how are you?"

Last night's revelation flashed through Ziva's thoughts, _I love him_. Eight hours later she had not changed her mind, but the admission would be too personal to admit to her therapist just now. It was still so new to her and Ziva needed some time to sort things out.

Skipping that part, Ziva tried to summarize how the last several days had affected her. "I am tired because I could not sleep well while Tony was sick. It was very hard to feel helpless when he was suffering so much. But," she shrugged her shoulders and sighed all at the same time, "it is still nice to know that when I go home, he will be there."

A different sort of light lit her patient's eyes and Dr. Andrews could tell that she was holding back. Something had changed, but it seemed that Ziva wasn't sharing. "Do you think that is telling you something?" she asked gently.

Ziva chewed on her bottom lip, then recognized the nervous habit and stopped immediately. She would never be one of those people who could not simply sit through an uncomfortable conversation without giving away how she was feeling. "I have not heard anything." She was being deliberately difficult and didn't even know why.

Devon lifted an eyebrow. "And I suppose you haven't seen anything either?" Was the women seriously blind to the way her partner affected her?

Ziva put on her best innocent look. "You will have to be more specific Doctor."

"Are you waiting for a sign from the heavens? Perhaps writing in the sky?" Dr. Andrews asked incredulously. "What more do you need as proof that you and Tony could really have something?"

Folding her hands, Ziva leaned back against the couch. "A sign would be nice."

Devon rolled her eyes towards the ceiling. _I don't know if I have ever had a more stubborn case than her_. Giving the point up as lost for now, she put a different spin on the next question. "Is there any tension between the two of you right now? It sounded like you were planning to give him the silent treatment for awhile."

Ziva almost laughed out loud when her doctor asked about tension. That morning she had opened her eyes to find that nothing had changed after three hours. Tony slept soundly with his arm still slung across her belly, and she lay pressed against him in order not to fall off the couch. It would've been comical if it hadn't been so complicated a process for her to move without waking her partner.

Tony hadn't been fully coherent when her movement disturbed him and glared at her indignantly, his expression clearly unimpressed that she'd moved. "I have to go to work," she told him and he pouted like a two year old before closing his eyes again and ignoring her. Ziva hadn't taken it personally, but his reaction was amusing. So no, tension not an issue.

She smiled to herself and then tried to answer. "I did...make us take a break for a week, but Tony is very hurt when I stay away and I cannot yet explain the thoughts in my head. So I returned for Movie night and Friday was a team night out, courtesy of Abby's determination. Sunday he took me to the pool and we played games in the afternoon, and then got called in for the case."

"Anything I need to know about from last week?" Devon pressed. She was certain there was a reason Ziva had avoided therapy.

Her eyes shifted down and to the left and Dr. Andrews wondered if her lie would be credible. "I believe last week went as well as can be expected, especially when we lived in the building for four days."

An expert at talking around a subject, this one. She should've been a diplomat. But Devon let it go, not ready to pry and run the risk of being shut out completely. "How about this weekend?"

Ziva's expression softened. "We had some good days, Tony and I, and it was nice that nothing got in the way. But then he was sick and last night he needed me," she held her hands out, palm up, "we have not had a chance to talk yet."

"In what way did he need you?" Devon inquired but Ziva didn't want to mar what was still a very sweet memory of falling asleep with Tony and knowing she was with the man she loved, so she completely ignored the question. Her therapist stared at her for several seconds and then flipped a page on her clipboard.

"Ziva, as much as I'd love to explore more of what is going on between you and that handsome partner of yours, I really think we need to get back to the reason you came to me in the first place." Ziva visibly tensed, but Devon pressed on. "Tell me about the nightmares."

Her eyes slid closed and Ziva felt herself drawn back in time - back to darkness and terror and pain and despair. Back, to the black hole that would never let her go. Back to Somalia, where so much still needed healing that she had no idea where to start. So she opened her mouth and let herself be honest, because she was so tired of being on guard.

**NCIS**

Tony spent the last couple days of the week sleeping on Ziva's couch and watching movies while she worked. Sometimes he got bored during the day, so Ziva left her laptop on the coffee table where he could reach it easily and play games or surf the web. But he still tired quickly and took frequent naps.

Friday night Ziva was later getting home than he'd expected, until he remembered the commitment she had three times a week. When she walked in the door, his partner was dressed in dark workout clothes which clearly showed the exertion she'd just put herself through.

He frowned and finally decided just to ask, it wasn't like he would get another chance. "Where do you go Ziva? She set her bag down and filled up her water bottle in the kitchen before returning to him. She sat at the far end of the couch and Tony waited. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Ziva spoke. "I have been going to a special private gym called Ops. It is run by a man who used to be in special forces and many of the patrons who use it are themselves training for classified missions." She shrugged. "They specialize in combat training, but can customize a program in any type of fighting or self defense or anything really."

Tony didn't get it. "You've been working out. Why is that such a big secret?"

Ziva sighed as if she'd already thought about this question many times before. "I do not know," she replied honestly. "At first I just wanted to do something to get better, and I did not tell anyone because they would have tried to talk me out of it. After that, it was simply easier to keep the secret. I guess it was just personal."

He couldn't argue with that. "Does it make you feel better, to go?" Tony asked.

"Yes," Ziva said without hesitation. "When things are not going right or I cannot make sense of the things in my head, Ops gives me a place to focus and work out the frustration. The owner, Duke, he is the one who called that night and made you jealous," she smiled when his expression tried to protest. "But he has become my friend and he makes sure I am careful." Ziva wished she could explain better. "The gym is a place where I know I am safe, and with the training I've done, it has made me feel strong and confident again." Her eyes hardened. "I could not stand one more day of feeling like a victim."

Tony wished she was close enough that he could hold her hand. "I'm glad," he told her sincerely, "I'm glad you have a place you can go like that and I'm glad there's someone else around to keep an eye on you." He relaxed back into the corner of the couch. "Any other secrets you want to share while we're at it?"

Ziva snorted. "Do not push your lunch."

He rolled his eyes. "It's 'luck' David, do not push your luck. Maybe they should teach English at this gym."

She glared playfully and Tony took it in stride and things went back to normal and stayed fairly surface level for the remainder of the evening. Tonight Ziva insisted Tony sit at the table to eat since he was feeling better, and she filled him in on the week.

They returned to the livingroom after dinner and Tony put on The Guardian, a serious movie he insisted was still worth the watch. They hadn't been sitting long before she felt Tony's hand move to rest on her bump. Being able to feel the movements was still a novelty, and he couldn't hide his smile when he encountered either a kick or the hit of a tiny fist.

Ziva smiled. Ever since the first time he felt her baby kick, he always wanted to be touching her belly, like he was afraid he was going to miss something. It had only been a week but she had already gotten used to this new thing. To her surprise, it seemed right somehow and she didn't mind a bit.

But that night a thought hit her and she remembered back to the time she told McGee that he and Abby were playing house. For the first time she realized that she and Tony were now doing the same thing, and she wished she'd tried harder to understand for her friend. Because no matter how much making a choice, deciding what she wanted sounded sensible, it was nowhere near as easy as she thought it should be.

They could be married. Though they had not dated, they'd spent the last months doing everything dating couples did - going out, spending time together, learning and growing closer. Now she often wore the hoody Tony had put on her last week that she'd never bothered to give back. When they were watching a movie she sat by his side and one of his hands was almost always on her body somewhere.

As if he read her mind, Tony started rubbing slow circles on her back and Ziva automatically leaned forward a bit to make it easier for him. He bit back a smile when he recognized that it was his sweatshirt she was wearing, the one from last Thursday. He hadn't been paying attention earlier when she changed.

For Ziva everything about the moment was normal and yet strange. Perfect if they had been a couple, but they weren't. Ziva glanced over at her partner, saw the slight smile on his face and felt his thumb caress her stomach occasionally. It hit her then that they could have this, they could have this comfort and this closeness all the time, permanently, if she would just let Tony be all that he wanted to be for her, for them.

In the middle of all her thoughts, Tony paused the movie and eyed the dark hair hanging loose around her shoulders. "Zi, can I braid your hair?"

Startled, Ziva immediately shook her head. She could not handle anymore intimacy with him this night. "Not this time Tony," she said slowly, avoiding his eyes so she wouldn't have to feel guilty about his hurt or confusion. "Let us just finish the film and go to bed."

Tony looked at her for a long moment, trying to read what she was keeping from him. But his partner could always shield her thoughts at will, especially if she wouldn't let him see her eyes. Feeling a bit shut down with no explanation, Tony sighed and pressed play.

Swallowing hard, Ziva focused back on the movie. She couldn't let him in any further and her thoughts swirled, trying to find an answer. _Not yet, not yet, not yet_, her mind rebelled, sending her defenses back up as high as they could go. _But why?_ her heart begged, wanting what she already had and wanting it for good. With no answer for either the logical or emotional part of her, Ziva pretended she hadn't heard the questions and tried to think of anything else. But they haunted her just the same, and she was quieter that night than she had been in a long time.

**NCIS**

Saturday Tony was finally okay to go back to his own apartment. He said goodbye at the door and kissed Ziva's cheek, his heart getting heavier with each step he took away from her. Walking into the place he'd made his own for almost four years, Tony was struck by a feeling of emptiness. His apartment felt foreign to him, too quiet after a week of living at Ziva's.

He immediately missed the warmth and comfort of having her there, just sharing the same space. But it was the night he'd held her that continued to be the memory to haunt him. Tony could still count on only slightly more than one hand the number of times he'd actually held her in his arms all night.

There had been the last three nights of her two week stay, once after she'd told him she was pregnant, one time over the weekend he'd refused to leave her alone, and just two days ago, after waking from his dream and needing her near. Six times total in four and a half months.

Tony sighed, dragging his hands through his hair as he surveyed his undisturbed livingroom and the dark hallway leading down to his bedroom. He wanted her here. He wanted her with him all the time. A few times a week wasn't cutting it anymore. He needed her, why couldn't she see that?

The silence had no answer for him and Tony could think of only one thing to do that would help. Bringing his laptop with him, he walked back to his room and settled comfortably on the bed he hadn't slept on in a week. Tony reached under his pillow and pulled out the small, blue velvet box that, at the moment, contained all of his hopes and dreams. Cracking it open, Tony smiled faintly at the beautiful ring he'd been imagining on Ziva's finger. He set it on the bed, turned on his computer and quickly saved a new document to his favourite folder.

_I just walked into my apartment after spending a week at yours Ziva, and I can tell you for sure that this place doesn't feel like home anymore. Sure my stuff is here and I've spent four years putting my mark on it, but after sharing a space with you for so many days, I realize that home for me now will always mean a place where we're together._

Rolling his eyes at how corny the truth sounded, Tony continued.

_Do you think that someday you could love me Ziva? Will you ever need me the way I need you? I'm sitting here all alone and it hurts because I'd rather be sitting with you, even if we weren't doing anything, even if you were studying and I was watching a movie or making dinner. I'd give anything for 'us' to be more than just one of my dreams._

Moving on from the subject of missing her, Tony smiled as he remembered Wednesday night.

_I talked to your baby the other night Zi, while you were sleeping. Not out loud of course, I wish I could but you're not ready to hear the stuff I'm thinking. That time we spent together on the couch, just the three of us, no awkwardness or tension or barriers...it was honest Ziva, and I wish we could have that all the time._

Tony shook his head and sighed, needing wrap it up before he got even more emotional.

_Anyways, I'm here and I miss you and I just wanted a way to connect with you. I can't wait for the day you're wearing my ring Ninja. Remember that I love you, even if you don't know yet. T._

It was sappy and on the verge of pathetic, but he saved the document anyways and thought about trying to make something for lunch. Suddenly though Tony was very tired and a little chilled. He set the thermostat for toasty warm and crawled under the covers, wrapping his fingers around the jewellery store box. It was a good way to dream.

**NCIS**

It was music to his ears when he answered the phone several hours later and heard Ziva's voice replying to his hello. "Hey Ninja, miss me already?" he quipped, hoping the answer was yes.

"No." She sounded tired. "I have been too busy studying to miss anything except supper."

"Gotta take care of yourself Zi," Tony put in, immediately feeling concern. "Want to come over and I'll cook?"

Ziva chuckled. "Have you looked out the window recently Tony? It is snowing too hard for me to want to drive anywhere."

"Oh." The one word held all his disappointment. "So I guess we're walking to the pool tomorrow?"

"Well," Ziva hedged, " that is the reason I called. I do not think you should come tomorrow." His stunned silence made her hasten the explanation. "You are only just now feeling better after a week on my couch. You should rest It would not do to get sick again."

"Don't want me back, huh?" He tried to joke, but Tony's spirits were falling fast.

"I do not have anymore clean sheets," Ziva informed her partner with a smile in her voice.

"In that case, I guess I will sleep in," Tony said quietly, without much enthusiasm. "See you Monday?"

"You had better. Gibbs may not spare your head if you do not come in."

"Wouldn't want that." He paused like he wanted to say something else, but then didn't. "Goodnight Zi."

"Sleep well Tony."

They both hung up feeling like something was missing. Unused to being alone, it took Tony and Ziva extra time to fall asleep as they ignored the feelings from their hearts, trying to tug them close together. Only time would tell if they were ready to listen.

**NCIS**

Ziva stared out the window for a long time Sunday morning, debating about whether she wanted to brave the snow all by herself and walk to the pool. In the end she did not want it to seem like she could not function without Tony. So she stubbornly pushed through the calf deep snow and drowned her tumbling thoughts in the comforting exertion of fighting the warm water at the pool for length after length.

On purpose she did not even glance towards the empty chairs along the wall. She dried her hair fully and braided her pontyail before tucking it all up in the hood of Tony's sweatshirt, and walked quickly back to her building. At the diner Ziva hesitated, then stepped resolutely inside to continue her show of not needing Tony to be her shadow.

But Helen asked about her young man and Ziva stared across the table, lonely and bored without the company her partner provided, not to mention the banter they usually swapped and sharing their respective breakfasts without hesitation. She didn't last long, taking most of her food home.

Three hours later she was failing miserably at concentrating on her study materials when the phone rang. Remembering a Sunday two weeks ago, she snatched it up, prepared for the worst. "David."

Tony coughed away from the phone and grinned. "At ease Zee-vah, it's just me."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "Tony." He didn't say anything and she sighed. "Did you call just to listen to me breathe?"

"As nice as that is, I was actually hoping for company. Can you come over Ziva, please?" Something that sounded suspiciously like a whine slipped into his voice. "I'm bored and lonely and...bored," Tony finished lamely, not about to admit that he was also in Ziva withdrawl, having been around her an awful lot the last few days.

Ziva's exasperation could almost be felt through the phone line. "Tony, I have to-"

"Study, I know," he cut her off. "So bring everything with you and I'll quiz you on it, okay?" She didn't respond and he resorted to begging. "Please Zi? I'm dying here. Boredom can actually be fatal. And...maybe we'll have time for Bond later."

"You are in charge of supper," Ziva said at last, giving in gracefully rather than be badgered into submission. "I want spaghetti."

His excitement was palpable. "Your wish is my command fair lady. See you in twenty minutes?"

"If my car is not buried."

"If it is, call me and I'll come get you. I could use the exercise of digging my car out anyways."

"Fine. Goodbye."

"Bye."

Okay, so she wasn't totally thrilled, but now he was guaranteed a whole afternoon of her company and Tony was sure he could come up with some ways to make her studying more fun. Then supper and a movie to end the day. Contentment seeped back in and Tony smiled. Time with Ziva, no matter what they were doing, worked for him. It was going to be a good day after all.


	27. Chapter 27

"Tony! Welcome back!"

Abby stood by his desk with arms outstretched and Tony gratefully allowed her to swallow him in a hug. He soaked every bit of comfort he could out of the embrace, very little made him feel more loved. "Thanks Abs." Tony kissed her cheek, then reached behind his little sister to shake Tim's hand.

The junior agent smiled easily. "She's been haunting the bullpen for days wondering when you were going to come in." Slipping an arm around his wife's waist, McGee kissed her temple. "You'd think she hasn't seen you in a month."

Abby frowned and punched his arm. "Last time Tony was sick he ended up in the hospital Timmy! I had to make sure she was okay."

Tony spread his arms and turned around slowly. "All better." He grinned at his partner. "Ziva is a very good nurse."

The Israeli smiled but said nothing and before anyone had to figure out how to break the silence, Gibbs strode in and glanced at Tony. "Good, you're back. Dead Marine dependant at the harbour. Grab your gear!"

Tony gave a half smile. "Missed you too Boss." At Gibbs' raised eyebrow look, the senior field agent shouldered his backpack. "Grabbing my gear." He saluted Ziva on his way to the elevator. "Hold down the fort Ninja, we'll be back before you know it."

Her expression conveyed her displeasure at being left behind. "Stay safe."

He put his hand over his heart. "Oh Ziva, I knew you cared."

She rolled her eyes. "I just do not want to deal with the extra paperwork."

Tony was about to offer a comeback until Gibbs barked at him. "DiNozzo! Today!" He threw a smile back at her and darted between the closing doors. Ziva looked around and sighed. The bullpen was no fun when it was empty and she was alone.

**NCIS**

By mid-afternoon Tony had been thoroughly welcomed back and was fully into the swing of things. As he was looking up everywhere the victim had traveled in the past few weeks, his phone rang. "Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo," he answered out of habit.

"Mr. DiNozzo? This is Marlene. I know it's short notice, but are you free this evening? I've got a couple more houses for you to look at."

Checking his watch, Tony tried to guess how much longer it would be before Gibbs let them go for tonight so they could start fresh tomorrow. "I might be able to manage an hour or two."

"Good. Would now be a good time to go over your criteria again?"

Glancing at Ziva, who was on hold with the victim's school, Tony stood and casually wandered to the alcove by the stairs, out of earshot. "Sure."

"Okay. You were looking for three bedrooms, two bath, open concept, lots of windows and space, and more modern vs. old style. Did I miss anything?"

Tony had spent a lot of time thinking about that list. "Let's add an attached garage if possible, a basement would be nice, and a decent sized yard." There had to be room for a swingset, for running around to fly kites, for laying on the grass and finding pictures in the clouds.

"Got it." The realtor scrawled down the additional details and smiled. "I'll meet you at this address at 6 pm?" She rattled off the house number and street and Tony repeated them to himself.

"That's fine, thanks. See you then." Tony turned around to find Ziva leaning against the wall and jumped. "Geez Zi, you been taking Gibbs lessons?"

She smirked. "McGee found a lead, Gibbs is on his way up."

"And you're rescuing me, thanks." He propped himself against the orange wall facing her. "Got a couple hours tonight? Or is Duke going to expect you at Ops?"

It was strange, Tony knowing about what she did now. That was one of the reasons she'd kept it a secret to begin with. Ziva crossed her arms. "What time?"

"1800."

She thought about it for a second. "Alright. I can go to the gym after."

"Sweet." Tony grinned and then caught sight of their boss. "Oh, Gibbs alert, better go."

They hurried back to their desks and for the next several hours, thought about nothing but the case.

**NCIS**

An hour after their house tours began, Tony and Ziva were back at her place. Tony had finally figured out that he had to be rather blunt with Marlene when he didn't like a place and as a result, the viewings had been much shorter than before. The first house had been too big, the second Tony declared too far from work to be a possibility. Even if they were valid reasons, Ziva was beginning to see that her partner's complaints were just excuses. She wondered if he would ever tell her why he was being so difficult.

Still, she could feel Tony's impatience. He'd made the decision, he knew what he wanted and even though it had been less than a month, he was already tired of waiting. She did her best to distract him during the time they spent together following Marlene through room after room, but it never worked for very long.

Tony dropped her off and waved. "Have fun Zi, play nice. No threatening people with skipping ropes."

"I will try to contain myself," she replied dryly.

They said goodnight and that was it. Ziva threw herself into her workout, Tony immersed himself in action packed superhero movies, both avoiding thoughts of each other. No matter how careful they were being, it was becoming obvious that the partners would soon have to have a talk. Everything unsaid was bubbling under the surface and it wouldn't be long before it all came spewing out.

**NCIS**

"I miss him," Ziva volunteered before Devon could even ask. "Tony lived at my apartment for almost a week and now it is empty without him." She leaned forward and frowned thoughtfully. "No wonder Abby asked Tim to come back. Is it right for me to feel this way?"

Devon's eyebrows slowly rose. "Okay, who are you and what have you done with my stubborn, difficult to get answers out of patient?"

Ziva smiled softly. "I love him Devon. Somewhere in the last four months I fell in love with Tony and I only just figured it out on Wednesday night."

The therapist's expression was knowing. "So that's what you weren't telling me last week." At Ziva's curious look, she shrugged. "Something was different. It was in your eyes, your voice, but you weren't ready to share."

Ziva's gaze fell to the floor but a small smile still played on her lips. "Tony always says my eyes never shut up," she said, almost to herself.

"So what's next?" Devon asked.

The dark haired woman drew her brows together. "I do not understand."

Sighing, Devon spoke patiently, as if to a child who could not see the obvious. "Ziva, you trust Tony. Now you can admit that you love him. You probably have for awhile now, or else you wouldn't've let him so close in the first place, Maybe it's time to finally start a relationship with him, or at least talk to him about the possibility."

Ziva fiddled with her fingers. "I do not want to feel rushed Devon. The timing," she shrugged, "the timing is all wrong."

"All wrong how?" Dr. Andrews pressed, not wanting to assume it was an excuse.

The patient gave her doctor a disbelieving look. "Look at me. I am six months pregnant. I am in love with my partner and yet I cannot let him any closer, though I am almost certain of his feelings as well. No," she shook her head resolutely, "it is not the right time."

"If you always use your symptoms as a measuring stick, the timing will never be right and you will possibly lose years when you could've been loved Ziva," Devon said gently, recognizing the fear behind her excuses.

"Please do not push me," Ziva said in a quiet voice. "Maybe you are right, but it has to be my decision." She looked up, hurt in her eyes. "I have lived too much of my life letting other people choose for me. The heart wants what it wants, but I still need to be the one to say yes."

"I'm not trying to take away your control Ziva, I just want to see you happy, settled, whole. From my observations, I believe Tony is a big part of that. But we'll leave it today." She paused and gathered her thoughts. "Why don't you take a minute and then tell me about what you've done since Somalia that you're proudest of. You need to see how far you've come."

Ziva nodded and took a couple breaths while Devon got up to make tea. She wanted to find an accomplishment since her return that did not include Tony. It was still hard not to think of dependence as a weakness. Even if her heart knew the truth, her head still needed to catch up.

**NCIS**

The team descended en mass to the lab later, on learning that Abby had found something. What they didn't expect was the glowering Goth who met them at the door with a handful of masks and bottle of hand sanitizer. She glared at each and every one of them, even McGee, and only Ziva dared to ask the question they were all thinking.

"Abby, what is wrong?"

Through gritted teeth, their forensic scientist forced the words out. "Does anyone have any idea how much I hate being sick?" It seemed to be rhetorical, so they remained silent, knowing she'd get to the point when she was good and ready to. "Whoever gave me the flu this time is going to pay."

Since her expression practically dared them to argue with her, Tony, Ziva and McGee each accepted a mask and dutifully rubbed a palmful of sanitizer into their hands. Tony hooked the elastics over his ears and grinned. "Guess you'll have to blame McGee, huh?" he decided. "Because he's the only one you're kissing?"

Her eyes smouldered. "Tony..."

"Well, I guess Bert is on the list too. Who knows how many diseases hippos car-" Tony was cut off by a sharp slap to the back of his head. He winced and rubbed the spot. "Thank you Boss."

Gibbs shouldered his way to the front of the group. Abby handed him a mask and he just stared at her. "Not putting one of those things on Abs."

Abby frowned and started using her hands to talk. Not for the last time did Tony wish they wouldn't do that when no one in the room was actually deaf. But as the conversation got more heated and telling expressions and larger gestures were used, Tony would've given a lot to know what they were saying. Even without audio, it was very clear that Abby and Gibbs were fighting. Glancing at McGee, Tony saw him bite his lip to keep from laughing and realized he'd have to ask for the closed captioned version at a later time. Clearly the probie was getting some of the conversation.

Then, just as suddenly, both parties dropped their hands and Gibbs reluctantly accepted the mask, and after a pointed look from Abby, a squirt of hand sanitizer as well. Now Tony and Ziva were even more interested in what had been said, because clearly Abby won. Gibbs must've concluded that it was not a good time to mess with her.

The actual explanation of her findings were far less amusing than the process of getting into the lab and after they left, Tony and Ziva cornered McGee. "Care to share McSpy?"

McGee's eyes darted back and forth between them. "I don't...I don't know what you're talking about."

Ziva crossed her arms and stared hard at him. "We are talking about the way you were trying not to look like you knew an inside..." she turned to Tony.

"Joke," he finished for her. "Now cough it up McTranslate."

Tim sighed. "I didn't catch all of it. They were going pretty fast and Abby's still teaching me."

Tony mirrored Ziva and crossed his arms. "But..." he prompted.

Rolling his eyes, Tim gave in. "But I know the only reason Gibbs put on the mask is because Abby agreed to go see Ducky for real this time." He chuckled. "Boss even threatened to cut off her Caf-Pow supply and well...Abby responded with what can be roughly translated as 'bite me.'"

Tony grinned. "Looks like our little mistress of the dark is feeling kinda feisty today."

"Yeah," McGee agreed, "and I better go check on her, just in case."

"Don't forget the mask!" Tony called after him.

Ziva watched him disappear into the lab. "Abby is not usually that...defiant."

Tony shook his head. "I know. I'm glad she's gonna get checked out. I don't like her being sick again."

Ziva patted his arm. "She may fight it, but she would never say no to Gibbs."

He smiled slightly. "Sometimes I'm glad he's Gibbs and he doesn't change."

Ziva agreed. It was nice to know that certain things could be counted on.

**NCIS**

After that one incident in Interrogation the week before he got sick, Tony never again let Ziva get close enough to a suspect to get hurt. She sat across the table, leaned against the wall, paced in front of the glass. But if she was within three steps of the person they were questioning, Tony managed to smoothly slip his body between them.

The first couple times it annoyed Ziva, and she would silently fight him to get back the upper hand. Then she realized what he was doing and stopped. Planting her hands on the table became his signal to get in the perps face or she would. Because Ziva found that was something she couldn't do anymore without earning a dark look from her partner as he glanced at her midsection.

She got the message loud and clear - Tony wasn't giving anyone else the chance to mess with her or the baby. And oddly enough, his vigilant protection felt...nice. Even if she could take care of herself and her baby without anyone's help, it was nice to have it offered, and she found herself respecting the unwritten rules he seemed to make up on the go. Whenever it started bothering her, Ziva reminded herself that he was only doing it because he cared. So she sat back and let him play white knight, and decided she could get used to this. Sometimes it was nice not to have to be the strong one.

**NCIS**

"You're cancelling again?" Duke asked, not sure if he heard right. "What's with you lately David? You've been awfully inconsistent the last few couple week."

Ziva sighed loudly. "It is not like I said I quit, I simply cannot make it tonight."

"I thought you wanted to focus on your training," Duke put in, figuring a bit of a guilt trip couldn't hurt.

"Zi, I'm here, you ready?" He could hear a male voice in the background and suddenly Duke remembered little things Ziva had told him about her partner.

"I am sorry, I have to go," she said quickly.

"Drop in when you've got time David, sounds like you've got other priorities right now."

"I-" Ziva started to argue, then her shoulders sagged. "Yes, temporarily. I will come by on Friday, no excuses."

"Take your time Ziva," Duke said quietly. "Some things shouldn't be rushed."

She was unexpectedly grateful for his understanding. "Thank you. Goodbye." To Tony she smiled. "I am ready."

He eyed the phone in her hand. "Only one house tonight Zi, last minute. I can drop you off at the gym after."

Ziva thought about Duke's words and shook her head. "No thank you. Actually, I think I would like to go swimming tonight."

Tony's eyes lit up and she knew it was because she'd included him. "Bring your stuff." He wiggled his phone. "I just downloaded some new games this morning, lots to keep me busy."

She lifted an eyebrow. "So that's what you were doing when you were 'researching'."

His gaze shifted to the side. "Guilty." Then Tony looked at his watch. "Enough stalling let's go."

Tonight Tony and Ziva did the entire walk through and listened to Marlene's whole spiel, but at the end she shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry, but it's too...boring. I want a house that tells a story."

Ziva caught a hint of frustration in the realtor's eyes as she led them out. "Are you sure you don't-"

He didn't let her finish. "Thanks, I'm sure. We'll see you on Saturday."

Marlene pasted on a smile. "Right, Saturday." Then she muttered something they couldn't hear and left without looking back. She may enjoy a challenge, but Ziva had a feeling the woman hadn't expected this much resistance.

Swimming relaxed Ziva and the heat of the pool actually lulled Tony to sleep. She fought the urge to laugh at his surprise when she woke him after she was finished. Back at her place, Tony walked her to the door and smiled. "Thanks Zi. It means a lot that you changed your plans to come with me. I just...thanks."

Ziva let her expression soften. "We are partners Tony. It is my pleasure."

He barely resisted the urge to kiss her and left with a wave. Saturday held so much promise simply because they'd be spending it together.


	28. Chapter 28

Ziva's couch was covered in papers and books full of highlighted and underlined sections. She had a pen clamped between her teeth and a binder in front of her as she sat cross legged, searching for one piece of information she remembered seeing somewhere.

The intercom buzzed twice and Ziva glared at it, then checked the clock. 1300 already? Where had her morning gone? She was still flipping pages with an intense look on her face when Tony let himself in a minute later. He looked around and glanced at his watch.

"We had plans for lunch, right Ziva?"

She waved her hand at him. "I do not have time for lunch. There is something I have to find."

Tony didn't say anything and Ziva ignored him in favour of continuing her quest. Ten minutes later he set a grilled cheese sandwich on the coffee table and gathered a pile of papers together so he had room to sit. He stared pointedly at the plate.

"Eat." Rolling her eyes, Ziva dutifully picked up half the sandwich and took a bite. Tony frowned. "With ketchup Zi, that's how you're supposed to eat grilled cheese."

Ziva did as ordered and Tony took the opportunity to move all her study materials out of reach. He paid no attention to her noise of protest and quickly wolfed down his sandwich, then picked up the cue cards he'd helped her make. Between bites Ziva answered the questions and Tony prompted her when necessary. Finally he grinned.

"Two months to go and you're doing great. You're a shoo-in."

She looked at him strangely. "What do my shoes have to do with anything?"

Tony groaned and dropped his head into his hands. "Hopeless," he murmured. Then he brightened. "But if you ever did start speaking proper English, I'd miss correcting your Ziva-isms."

Ziva was starting to look exasperated. "My what?"

The alarm on Tony's watch went off and he jumped up. "Sorry, no time to explain, we've got an appointment." Ziva stood up as well and started for the door but Tony coughed to cover his chuckle. "You uh...might want to get dressed first."

She looked down in surprise, having forgotten she was still in her pjs. "Two minutes."

Tony put his hands on his hips. "I don't believe you. No woman I've ever known is ready in two minutes."

"Time me." Ziva's twinkling eyes dared him to prove her wrong.

He touched a button on his watch. "Go."

Ziva sprang into action, changing in a minute fifty-seven seconds flat. Dark grey track pants and her most comfortable maternity sweater, plus a scarf to accent the outfit. She reappeared, smirking in triumph while Tony shook his head in disbelief.

"I win!"

He took her hand on the way out to the car and for once Ziva didn't fight the smile his touch brought or the tingles that shot up her arm. Was this what being in love was supposed to be like? For a moment she almost wanted to tell him, to just blurt out the truth and watch Tony realize he didn't have to hide his feelings anymore.

But fear held her back and Ziva let go of his hand to get in but didn't encourage him to take it back. Slow was the key. Slow so no one got hurt. Slow so she could get used to the change. Slow so there was still time to back away without losing her heart in the process. Slow, because she didn't know how to deal with anything else.

**NCIS**

"What do you think of this house Mr. DiNozzo?" Marlene asked, clearly anticipating another rejection.

Tony chuckled self-consciously and rubbed the back of his neck. "I know I said I want a house with a story, but it's a little too...strange."

The realtor forced a smile. "Of course. But we still have two more houses on our list, perhaps one of them will catch your fancy."

"I hope," Tony mumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets.

The second house was nice. It looked small from the outside but was fairly spacious inside. However, the colour scheme was kind of...different. Tony stopped the tour in the livingroom. "Too green," he announced. And with each room a slightly varied shade of the same colour, it really was.

Ziva laughed at her partner. "Tony, you can paint it."

But Tony was resolute. Marlene rolled her eyes when her client wasn't looking and they left to go to the last appointment. On the way there, Ziva thought about the reasons Tony had given for each house they'd seen so far. She smiled when she realized they were starting to sound like his excuses to sleep on the floor so he'd be close to her during the two weeks she'd spent at his apartment.

Finally they reached their destination and from the moment Tony stepped out of the car and moved slowly up the walk, Ziva could tell that this one was different. She'd been dragged over half the city during the last month while Tony searched for his dream house, but she'd never seen him captivated by anything they'd looked at so far. It wasn't that she minded, this was her partner and to see him happy she'd do almost anything - even walk through a dozen houses waiting for the moment he stumbled upon what he was looking for. And right now, it looked like he'd finally found it.

**NCIS**

Tony looked at the house in front of him in something akin to awe. He'd been hunting for a feeling, something that would strike a chord inside him, and the moment he saw the delight on Ziva's face when they walked inside, he knew this was the one. Quickly, before she had any time to protest, he slid his hand into hers, squeezing lightly.

"What do you think?" Tony asked, smiling.

Ziva turned to him with a look Tony couldn't quite decipher. Was that disappointment? "It would make a lovely home. What do you think?"

Tony cast his gaze around and a feeling of contentment and rightness flowed through him. "I think this is the one Zi. There's something about it that just seems...right, you know?"

She nodded, but there was something in her expression that said she was holding back. Tony didn't have time to explore what she was thinking though, because his realtor, having overheard their exchange, started spouting off about the house, anticipating a sale.

"It is a magnificent house Mr. DiNozzo. Did you and your girlfriend want to take a look around? I can just wait outside until you're ready."

At her words they both froze and Tony's first instinct was to check Ziva's eyes to see how she was handling the slip. What he saw there gave him more hope than he'd had since he found out she was pregnant. For a brief moment, longing flashed in Ziva's gaze and Tony knew exactly what it was for. Longing to be wanted, to be loved, to belong somewhere and to someone.

Just as quickly it was gone, but Tony knew he'd be seeing that look in his dreams, which had been increasingly filled with a dark haired, dark eyed, exotic beauty and a frilly white bassinet he could never quite see into. Then, realizing time had stood still for a moment and Marlene was still waiting for an answer, Tony cleared his throat and nodded a little jerkily.

"Yeah, that'd be great. My partner and I will take a tour and then we'll talk."

He hoped Ziva appreciated the clarification, because Tony would've rather left the woman with her mistaken assumption, just so he could live in his happy little dreamworld where Ziva was his and she was having their baby and they were buying a house for their family, for a few more seconds. It would happen, he was certain, the only question now was, when?

**NCIS**

Marlene stepped out onto the front porch, leaving them alone in what would be the livingroom. Tony, ignoring the almost awkward moment they'd just had, stood with his back to the front door and looked around. To his left was a small alcove and a rod to hang coats. Then the door to a...storage closet, he checked quickly.

A slightly curved staircase hugged the wall to the second floor and beyond it, the door to a large, unfinished basement. There he turned the corner and found a full bathroom behind the kitchen, but before that was another door leading out to the two car attached garage. Ziva lingered in the kitchen, looking around at the lovely white cupboards and new countertops and thinking how much fun it would be to cook there when she came for dinner. It had so much more space than her small apartment kitchen.

On the other side of the room was an empty space for a diningroom table and a clear line between carpet and tile marked the separation of the livingroom and eating area. A tall, handsome fireplace straddled both rooms and would make the whole space cozy on chilly winter nights.

With a grin on his face, Tony took Ziva's hand and tugged her up the carpeted steps to the second level. It opened up into a nice wide hallway, with a railing bordering the left side of the staircase at the top. The bathroom was directly

across from the stairs and down the hall lay the first of two guest bedrooms.

Across from the railing, the door to the master bedroom with attached bath stood open. There was lots of space, it was clean and nice, but neither dared linger too long there. The last room before they came back to the stairs was a larger bedroom with two windows facing out onto the side yard.

Tony stood there and looked out, then turned to Ziva with a light in his eyes. "This is it Zi," he whispered. "This is what I've been looking for."

Clearly expected to say something, Ziva swallowed past the lump in her throat. "I am happy for you Tony."

Tony caught the husky note in her voice and tipped her chin up. "Zi, nothing is going to change just because I'm moving."

She wanted to believe him, she really did, but Ziva was far too used to losing the important things in her life and Tony finding his house suddenly felt like the first nail in her hope. The second was when his attention was immediately distracted from her to the next step.

The thrilled prospective buyer hurried downstairs and back outside to where Marlene waited. She noted his excitement with surprise. "Don't tell me we've found a house you like." After a month of no's and silly excuses, she was beginning to wonder if he'd ever find 'the one.'

"Not only do I love it," Tony said quickly, "but I'm ready to make an offer."

"Wow, okay," Marlene looked a bit shocked. "Tell you what, I'll draw up the paperwork and talk to the current owner today, and first thing Monday morning I'll let you know."

Tony reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. "I'll start with that amount, hopefully we can keep it close."

Marlene smiled. "Perfect." She held out her hand. "Well Mr. DiNozzo, it's been interesting."

He chuckled. "Thanks for your patience Marlene." The realtor left and Tony turned to Ziva. "Hey, it's been a long day. Can I take you to dinner?"

Ziva looked down. "I am not really dressed to go out."

He gave her a quick once over. "Ziva, I'd take you out no matter what you looked like." _You're beautiful to me. _The words danced on the tip of his tongue but Tony swallowed them. "Anyways, I think you look great and I really want to celebrate tonight. Please?"

Giving in, Ziva nodded and they hurried back to the car to get warmed up. Twenty minutes later they sat at a table in a quaint little restaurant, sipping Shirley Temples out of tall glasses as Tony went on and on about his plans for the house and Ziva tried to be happy for him.

She knew it was stupid, because nothing short of Armageddon would keep Tony from her - even Africa hadn't been far enough. But she somehow felt that this move, this change would take Tony out of her life in the comfortable way he had been there for almost five months now, and for five years before that.

Because of this, Ziva cited needing to study for her citizenship test as a reason to skip their usual Sunday morning routine. The fact that Tony seemed distracted and agreed so easily just added to her feeling of impending loss. Tony has said he wasn't going anywhere, but Ziva now wondered how long he could keep that promise. Change was not always a good thing.

When he dropped her off at her building and said goodnight, Ziva could barely muster up a smile. Everything was going to be different now and the loss tore at her heart. She stood watching the taillights of his car as he pulled away and everything in her heart cried out, just like she had done after a nightmare - _Please, paal lo yarad, do not go._

**NCIS**

It was rather early on Sunday morning when Gibbs' basement stairs creaked, but it wasn't his usual visitor that appeared. Tony entered his boss's domain without even looking at him and leaned against one of the sawhorses by the workbench. Gibbs was content to keep the silence until Tony didn't want to, so he continued painting long even strokes of varnish on the finally complete hull of his sixth boat.

Finally Tony cleared his throat. "I'm going to marry her, Boss."

Gibbs put the brush down and turned to face him. "She know that?"

Shaking his head slowly, Tony answered. "No, not yet."

He grunted. "When you plan on telling her?"

Tony fumbled with the zipper on his pocket and tossed the small blue box to Gibbs. "When I ask her."

Gibbs looked inside and raised one eyebrow. "Pink?"

Tony met his mentor's eyes. "I know it's going to be a girl."

Understanding how serious he was about this, Gibbs chose his next words carefully. "Why tell me?"

Tony sighed. "Because I need your help."

Gibbs sat on the stool. "I'm listening."

"I'm buying the house we looked at yesterday," Tony informed him with a light in his eyes. "There's a room upstairs that's perfect for a nursery. I want to have it done before...well, just before." He looked at Gibbs hopefully. "Will you make the furniture? It would mean the world to Ziva." Tony smiled. "She treasures anything you've touched."

Gibbs didn't say anything, so Tony continued. "I can pay you. I mean, I know it's a lot of work and I wouldn't expect-"

The silver haired man reached over and smacked the back of Tony's head. "Family doesn't pay DiNozzo." Tony's eyes widened and Gibbs laughed. "She's my daughter now, she wants me to be that child's grandfather." He stared seriously at his senior field agent. "I told her it would be an honour."

The words sank in and Tony stuck out his hand. "Well, I want to be her baby's dad and her husband, if she'll have me. So...welcome to the family."

Gibbs rolled his eyes but shook Tony's hand, squeezing it hard. "Don't push her," he warned. "You could just as easily lose her as get to have her forever."

"Noted," Tony agreed, heading for the stairs. Halfway up he turned back. "Boss?"

Gibbs looked up. "Yeah?"

"Thanks."

Then he was gone and Gibbs realized in some ways, things could never really be the same.

**NCIS**

Three months, Tim marveled as he lay in bed with Abby, one hand holding up his head while the other slowly traced the cross tattoo that took up most of her back, had it really been three months already?

Abby lay on her stomach, her head pillowed on her folded arms, resting after their most recent love making session. The couple had decided to celebrate their three month anniversary by not leaving their bed unless absolutely necessary. But Tim had a bubble bath with Abby's aromatherapy candles in mind for later.

He reached her lower back, just above where the sheet pooled around her hips, and Abby squirmed. "Timmy, that tickles," she murmured. McGee drew his finger gently up her spine and leaned over to kiss her shoulder. She cracked one eye open. "Give me a few more minutes."

"Tired of me already?" Tim teased.

Abby closed her eyes again. "No, but I know when you're leading up to something."

He scooted closer and began playing with her hair. "I was leading up to something, but it wasn't more sex." She gave him a disbelieving look and Tim amended the comment. "Not at the moment, anyways." He sighed. "We need to talk."

Abby frowned. "Famous last words. We having problems I don't know about?"

McGee kissed the expression off her face. "Stop being so negative. Talking isn't always a bad thing."

She pulled the sheet up to under her arms and rolled onto her side. "No, but it can be. And it gets in the way of other...more fun things." The look she got said he knew she was trying to change the subject so she got serious. "Okay, I'm ready."

Tim stroked her cheek. "I love you Abby, I have for so long." Apprehension coloured her gaze, so he got to the point. "I don't want to hide us anymore Abbs. I know it was my idea to keep this a secret to begin with, but I'd like to at least think about telling the others that we're married." He shook his head. "They're our friends, our family. I don't like how it feels to keep them in the dark."

Abby dropped her eyes to his hand, running her finger over the heavy steel ring he insisted on wearing today. "I like our marriage being our secret Timmy," she confessed. "Do we have to tell?"

Tim lifted her hand and kissed each finger. "Ziva's worried something is wrong because we're acting different. Tony is playing protective big brother and wonders why it's taking me so long to commit to you." He shrugged. "I don't want them to be concerned for no reason."

Abby pushed him gently onto his back and rested her chin on his chest, brushing her fingers through the hair. "I honestly thought someone, most likely Gibbs, would notice before now and it would all come out. But since it hasn't..." she trailed off. "Is it really such a bad thing to keep going as we are?"

Tim put his head down and looked at the ceiling. "We'll have to tell sometime Abby."

She inched up his body until they were face to face. "I know. But do you really want to talk about the others when you have me, naked in your bed to do with as you please?"

McGee knew it was a distraction technique to keep from talking about it any further, even as much as there was real desire in her eyes. But heaven help him, Tim couldn't stop himself from responding to Abby's suggestive look. He swallowed hard. "You have a point there."

The next thing he knew, her lips were on his and his fingers tangled in her hair. It wasn't long until they were lost in the bliss of each other and the conversation disappeared from their minds completely. But Abby couldn't help remembering that sooner or later, all secrets come out.

**NCIS**

Ziva swirled the water in her glass as she sat on the third step from the bottom in Gibbs' basement on Sunday night. It wasn't often he got two visitors in the same day and he wondered if it wouldn't be easy for the two of them to just start talking to each other, instead of coming to him. Except Gibbs wouldn't change these moments or the trust and respect they had for him, for all the world.

"I deserved what they did to me in Somalia," she said at last and Gibbs looked up. He hadn't been sure she was going to say anything this time. Sometimes she just sat there until she found the courage, other times her nerve ran out before that happened.

"Yeah? How's that?" Gibbs asked, ready to smack some sense into her if she didn't stop thinking of herself as worthless. How could she not see that every day Tony looked at her like she was the sun, the center of his universe? How everyone on the team loved her and were so glad to have her back alive?

"I used to be one of them," Ziva said slowly. "I was one of those holding the knives and needles or causing pain without leaving a mark. I tortured people until they screamed and begged for mercy, until they broke and finally gave me answers and information." She laughed bitterly. "I was forced to drink my own medicine, yes? Now I know what it is like."

Gibbs stared at the dark haired woman who was like a daughter to him. "Say it again."

Ziva frowned. "What?"

"Say it again."

Sighing, she started to repeat herself. "I was-"

"Stop," Gibbs cut her off. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Now she was getting confused.

"You said, 'I was one of those people'. 'Was' as in past tense. You're not one of them anymore Ziver."

"But-" she began, and Gibbs shook his head.

"No. I'm not going to sit here and let you take the blame for something that was not your fault. You hear me?" He said the words slowly and clearly. "Somalia was not - your - fault." Seeing the doubt in her eyes, Gibbs prepared to use more words than he usually said in a week, if only it would help her understand.

"What you did in Mossad, you did because of Eli. He trained you to be his soldier and you followed orders. Now you are NCIS. You are going to be a mother. You have learned, in most things at least, to follow your heart." He walked over and knelt before her, cupping her face in his hands. "You did not deserve what happened in Somalia Ziva, no one deserves that."

Ziva's eyes stayed fixed on the floor and her hand gently caressed her rounded abdomen. Finally she met his gaze. "But if not for Somalia, I would not have this life inside of me. And I think," her words came slowly as she worked through it in her head, "I think that my baby will be worth all the pain." A small smile claimed her lips. "Being pregnant, feeling the baby move, having life inside me...it is amazing Abba."

Gibbs laid his hand near hers and waited. Seconds passed and he felt a tiny kick. "You're right Ziva," he agreed. "You love this child already, despite how it was conceived. I have no doubt that the first time you hold your baby in your arms, he or she will be worth everything you went through."

Leaning forward, Ziva rested her head on his shoulder and let the comfort of her father's embrace wash over her. Someday, somehow, it was all going to be alright.

END OF PART THREE

_A/N: Well guys, we've finally made it to the last chapter and the end of Part 3. Thank you so much for taking this journey with me and for making it so rewarding with all your lovely reviews and encouraging comments. So you know the drill, if you're interested in __**Six Months Home**__, throw me on Author Alert so you know when I post the first chapter. I need a break to work on it, so I'm thinking almost a month from today, January 20, 2012. Look for it around then._

_But, just so it's not a completely boring wait, I will be posting 3 T&Z one-shots not related to Remnants of Somalia, over the first three weeks of January. I'm also working on an AU story with a little T&Z, but more Ziva and a new character. I'm not sure how people will feel about it so I'm a little leery about putting it up, but if I get time to finish it, maybe you'll see that posted too._

_Again, thank you so much and I hope you enjoyed the conclusion of Three Months Alive._

_Love, Aliyah_


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